Sex & Romance
LizRN2007
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Need advice regarding FI pornography addiction
So first of all, I realize everyone has their own views on porn and levels of acceptance etc, but I just need some advice on how to deal with this issue. My FI and I have been together almost 2 yrs. I was aware in the beginning that he watched porn and it wasn't a huge issue and I received a lot of attention, he seemed very interested in me, etc. My FI was a involved in a lot of dating websites and was with a *few* women. However, we have 4 children all together (blended family) and about 6months ago I discovered that he literally would be either looking at porn or on websites where girls blog naked photos of themselves, etc pretty much whenever me and the kids where gone and during the day at work too. He would look at it immediately after I left in the morning before he went to work, so maybe an average of 8-10 per day. He has always been a wonderful man to me and been very open and sweet so I did confront him on this and he told me he has had a problem with it and that he agreed it was excessive and he would stop. I asked if there was something I could do to help and he states no. We have sex about 4x week-it just seems to take a lot to get him *ready* and sometimes I feel like this is because of the excessive porn watching. He insists it isn't. So today I found that he has been putting his phone in "secret" mode and visiting sites, not as much as before but definitely doing it. Most of his activity is on his phone. This is literally the only issue we have in our relationship but it hurts me deeply and I am not sure what to do to help him stop. I feel unwanted and betrayed. He says that he wants to work on this and that he loves me but I am not sure what to do about this issue. I know he grew up and was not the most social with girls when he was young and he said he was introduced at a young age to porn. Its so hard for me to understand. In the beginning of our relationship I had even caught him searching through the old dating sites looking at pictures of girls, no communication, but looking at pictures. Ugh...so please, some advice. I love this man so much and he is so wonderful in every other way but this one. I have even thought of him not having a phone with internet but that would just lead to him doing it another way, right? He has to stop for himself I think.
Re: Need advice regarding FI pornography addiction
If you are morally opposed to pornography, I would really advise thinking hard about whether or not you should marry him; even if he promises to stop. You can't imagine how much my husband's actions have hurt me and how hard I have tried for our entire marriage to put it behind us, over and over, just to be disappointed again; but it has a hold on him and has completely ruined his view of how sex should be and also what real life should be like. I sometimes feel like I am living with a grown man who has a teenager's imagination of what married life is supposed to be like. Apparently it is full of women bending over, vaginas, being completely and totally disgusting to your partner without consequence (apparently all of the women in porn like being mistreated), having no regard for anything other than his own pleasure all day long, even to the point of allowing our finances to crumble while he fulfills himself. So....yeah. I wouldn't recommend marrying anyone addicted to porn. Ever.
The world has changed a lot in just the last generation, and I can't imagine what people in the generation before us would have done if they had to go through and witness some of the utterly vile, disgusting, horrible and sickening stuff I have had to find because of this. I am no prude, either. I was a perfectly healthy 23-year old with a sexual appetite when we got married. But a decade of lying and hiding things, promising not to do it again, and then eventually just getting mad for me even calling him out on it when I catch him is pretty much what porn has done to my life.
Leave.
If he has a full blown addiction:
Run like hell.
Addictions are a dealbreaker. Do not compromise your future or your self esteem .
You are in a lose lose situation either way.
Find a man, not a 7th grader, You can do much better than this guy.