Trouble in Paradise
LizRN2007
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Need Advice on FI porn addiction
So first of all, I realize everyone has their own views on porn and levels of acceptance etc, but I just need some advice on how to deal with this issue. My FI and I have been together almost 2 yrs. I was aware in the beginning that he watched porn and it wasn't a huge issue and I received a lot of attention, he seemed very interested in me, etc. My FI was a involved in a lot of dating websites and was with a *few* women. However, we have 4 children all together (blended family) and about 6months ago I discovered that he literally would be either looking at porn or on websites where girls blog naked photos of themselves, etc pretty much whenever me and the kids where gone and during the day at work too. He would look at it immediately after I left in the morning before he went to work, so maybe an average of 8-10 per day. He has always been a wonderful man to me and been very open and sweet so I did confront him on this and he told me he has had a problem with it and that he agreed it was excessive and he would stop. I asked if there was something I could do to help and he states no. We have sex about 4x week-it just seems to take a lot to get him *ready* and sometimes I feel like this is because of the excessive porn watching. He insists it isn't. So today I found that he has been putting his phone in "secret" mode and visiting sites, not as much as before but definitely doing it. Most of his activity is on his phone. This is literally the only issue we have in our relationship but it hurts me deeply and I am not sure what to do to help him stop. I feel unwanted and betrayed. He says that he wants to work on this and that he loves me but I am not sure what to do about this issue. I know he grew up and was not the most social with girls when he was young and he said he was introduced at a young age to porn. Its so hard for me to understand. In the beginning of our relationship I had even caught him searching through the old dating sites looking at pictures of girls, no communication, but looking at pictures. Ugh...so please, some advice. I love this man so much and he is so wonderful in every other way but this one. I have even thought of him not having a phone with internet but that would just lead to him doing it another way, right? He has to stop for himself I think. I realize I probably rambled, so sorry 
Re: Need Advice on FI porn addiction
I agree with the other PPs. There is nothing wrong with porn. The vast majority of men, as well as many women, watch it and I think it is a pretty normal part of life. But addiction...addiction to anything...is a problem.
And the fact that he watches it at work is big red flag that he is at a "problem" and "addict" level. I doubt he will be able to help himself without a therapist. But he needs to be willing to try and to go to a therapist. I'd imagine some sessions with you present and some sessions on his own can hopefully teach him how to manage his compulsion. Good luck!