Feelings and thoughts that I don't like...

jbien

Hi all

I have been experiencing a few thoughts and feelings that I am uncomfortable with and they are making me feel like a bad person. I don't know how to interpret them, who to share them with (outside of this group) and what, if anything to do about them. They are:

1. Thoughts/dreams/fantasies about sex with past lovers. What is the relevance? Can I stop them?

2. Feeling like I'm not desirable in "that" way. Is it simply because, now I am married, I am no longer being "wooed" or "chased"?

3. There are ways that I don't feel that I think I should. I always see/hear people say that their other half is "Stunning", "Gorgeous", "Sexy", "Fit" etc. Is it bad that I don't feel those ways for my wife? Or am I just unnecessarily worrying about what I "should" feel?

Any comments/advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

J

P.S. We have been married less than a year. 

noffgurl

jbien said:

Hi all

I have been experiencing a few thoughts and feelings that I am uncomfortable with and they are making me feel like a bad person. I don't know how to interpret them, who to share them with (outside of this group) and what, if anything to do about them. They are:

1. Thoughts/dreams/fantasies about sex with past lovers. What is the relevance? Can I stop them?

My first thought is this is normal, you can't control your dreams and everyone dreams of someone different at some point. But, when you mention fantasies and thoughts, that's not so good.

2. Feeling like I'm not desirable in "that" way. Is it simply because, now I am married, I am no longer being "wooed" or "chased"?

Again, I think its normal to have times that you don't feel your most attractive self. One piece of advice here, NEVER stop dating your spouse and do whatever in your power to give them your best self by living a healthy lifestyle.

3. There are ways that I don't feel that I think I should. I always see/hear people say that their other half is "Stunning", "Gorgeous", "Sexy", "Fit" etc. Is it bad that I don't feel those ways for my wife? Or am I just unnecessarily worrying about what I "should" feel?

I'm not quite sure what you are asking here. Can you elaborate?

Any comments/advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

J

P.S. We have been married less than a year. 

TarponMonoxide

If you are still tuned in...:)

1. Thoughts/dreams/fantasies about sex with past lovers. What is the relevance? Can I stop them?

Completely normal and healthy! and no, you cannot stop them. Enjoy being normal and healthy.

2. Feeling like I'm not desirable in "that" way. Is it simply because, now I am married, I am no longer being "wooed" or "chased"?

How long have you been together?

I suggest strongly that you speak to your H, outside of the bedroom. Convey this thought to him --- I dunno -- was he a romantic early on in your relationship? If he was not romantic then, he never will be.

At any rate, speak to him.

3. There are ways that I don't feel that I think I should. I always see/hear people say that their other half is "Stunning", "Gorgeous", "Sexy", "Fit" etc. Is it bad that I don't feel those ways for my wife? Or am I just unnecessarily worrying about what I "should" feel?

What is stunning, gorgeous, sexy and fit to you???

You must have found your wife attractive! And you still must.

Otherwise, you'd not have thought of dating her, right?:)

Stunning, gorgeous and sexy is in the eye of the beholder. You'd be surprised what some people find stunning gorgeous and sexy.:)