MMR + TTC: Family not supportive

sugabrat22

Hi Everyone! I have been lurking for a while and this is my first post!

I know TTC is a very personal decision, but I wanted to get your thoughts on our situation.

Combined, DH and I make pretty good money for our area ($90,000), but we have been very intentional about our budgeting for the past few years. We had about $5,000 in savings, but we wanted to go on a honeymoon for our 1st anniversary, so we spent about $4,000 on a trip to Jamaica. It was so much fun and relaxing, but probably not the best financial decision. Well, now that we feel settled and I am 28, DH is 30, we really want to start a family...like now. This is our current situation:

• $90,000 combined income
• $112,000 combined student loan debt; we are only making the minimum payments and that doesn't even cover the interest for his loans. But I don't see the point in paying more than the minimum, we have accepted we will be paying our loans for a very long time. I don't want to delay my life because of student loans.
• $1,000 in savings
• Retirement: I save about 5% of my income and DH is required to save 8% (government employee), neither of us have a match
• We sometimes live paycheck to paycheck. Mostly because we eat out about 5-6 times a week between lunch and dinner. We know we need to cook more/bring lunch, but we need to motivate ourselves to do it! Our rent is pretty affordable ($900 a month with utilities)
• Living with 2 roommates (both single males) in a rented large home. They seemed fine with the idea of having a baby around. It's a 5 bedroom home and they live in the basement. So the noise shouldn't be too loud.

I have loosely discussed our situation with my mother because she is helping us get our finances figured out She was kind of mean the other day and said we should wait a year to get our finances in order. Here's the catch, she doesn't know that we are kind of actively TTCing. So I could technically be pregnant right now. I understand what she is saying, but we figure once we get pregnant, we will have 9 months to get our finances in order. DH and I are on the same page about things, so that should be what really matters, right?

I just figure, we are adults and whatever we decide, is our decision. We can and will figure it out. I am just worried my mother may be upset with us rather than being happy for us.

ETA: Ok, typing it out makes me realize that it can across a little more grim than it really is. Like I said, we have a habit of eating out quite a bit...which is a money suck. But, we have discussed this and plan to start cutting back soon. So I think that will save quite a bit of money. Also, we are going to cut back on going out to bars with friends (our social budget is quite large) and plan to start tracking every dollar. I know finances are important, but they aren't everything. 

formerlyGDaisy09

I know I've said this before to other posters. There is no right time to have a baby. However, there are not so right times and REALLY not right times. Based on the financial situation you describe I'd be inclinded to say that right now you probably fall in to the latter, really not the right time category. 

I would consider putting the breaks on the TTC process and getting you and your H onto a good financial track before you think of starting again. money habits are hard to change, and can cause a lot of tension in a marriage, get those things worked out before there is the added stress of a pregnancy and the timeline and pressure of a due date. 

While I would always wish everyone the happiest and healthiest 9 months possible, not all pregnancies go that way. what would happen if you end-up on bedrest at 6, 7, 8 months? what if you delivered early and you had to incur the additional expense of a NICU stay? what if you have a complicated delivery and end up with thousands of dollars in medical bills? what about affording maternity wear? what about all the gear that a baby needs? (I know often a lot of the gear can be found used or is gifted at a baby shower...but what if you can't get everything that way?) 

and after baby, is there room in your budget for child care? or can you afford to live on one income so one of you can stay home? what about things a baby needs as it grows, or even things like diapers, wipes, or formula?

• I would focus on finding a living situation for just you and H that is reasonable and doesn't cost more than 20-25% of your income, I would guess your two roommates may say they'd be fine with a baby, but once that's a reality they may change their minds. 
  
• Make yourselves a realistic budget and stick to it. no more eating out until you're no longer living paycheck to paycheck, then you can decide on a reasonable amount each month to spend on eating out, and when it's gone it's gone!
  
• Work to get your student loan payments so you're at least covering the interest on the loans, and come-up with a plan to deal with the principle balance. 
  
• work to get your retirement up to 15%
  

I would say tackling the first 3 items on the list above would be a priority before TTC. 

abrewer5

I know I've said this before to other posters. There is no right time to have a baby. However, there are not so right times and REALLY not right times. Based on the financial situation you describe I'd be inclinded to say that right now you probably fall in to the latter, really not the right time category. 

I would consider putting the breaks on the TTC process and getting you and your H onto a good financial track before you think of starting again. money habits are hard to change, and can cause a lot of tension in a marriage, get those things worked out before there is the added stress of a pregnancy and the timeline and pressure of a due date. 

While I would always wish everyone the happiest and healthiest 9 months possible, not all pregnancies go that way. what would happen if you end-up on bedrest at 6, 7, 8 months? what if you delivered early and you had to incur the additional expense of a NICU stay? what if you have a complicated delivery and end up with thousands of dollars in medical bills? what about affording maternity wear? what about all the gear that a baby needs? (I know often a lot of the gear can be found used or is gifted at a baby shower...but what if you can't get everything that way?) 

and after baby, is there room in your budget for child care? or can you afford to live on one income so one of you can stay home? what about things a baby needs as it grows, or even things like diapers, wipes, or formula?

• I would focus on finding a living situation for just you and H that is reasonable and doesn't cost more than 20-25% of your income, I would guess your two roommates may say they'd be fine with a baby, but once that's a reality they may change their minds. 
  
• Make yourselves a realistic budget and stick to it. no more eating out until you're no longer living paycheck to paycheck, then you can decide on a reasonable amount each month to spend on eating out, and when it's gone it's gone!
  
• Work to get your student loan payments so you're at least covering the interest on the loans, and come-up with a plan to deal with the principle balance. 
  
• work to get your retirement up to 15%
  

I would say tackling the first 3 items on the list above would be a priority before TTC. 

I completely agree with this. There are a lot of things to consider before TTC. Medical expenses, increase in insurance costs, day care, etc. My best friend had to be put on bed rest for the last 4 months of her pregnancy, so she ended up without her income for almost 7 months. Luckily they didn't have hefty loans other than their mortgage so they made it, but it was a strain. Depending on your insurance the out of pocket costs for delivering alone can be a couple thousand.

I would seriously consider waiting until you have nest egg built, you change your spending habits, you change your living habits, and are not living paycheck to paycheck.

simplyelise

You need a budget. (I'm assuming you meant you have *not* been very intentional with budgeting the past few years based on the rest of your post). From experience, it can be really shocking to see what % of your income is going to eating out or incidental purchases. 

I understand feeling like you don't want to delay your life because of student loans. But right now, your husband's student loans are getting bigger, not smaller. Can you get on a 10 or 15 or 20 year repayment plan so that you are at least making progress?

Wanting to be financially ready to TTC should be a great motivation for you guys to stop spending all your money on luxuries. As Gdaisy said, you should start thinking about childcare. Can you live on one income with one of you staying at home, or can you afford an extra $1000 a month for childcare?

You guys would seriously benefit from Financial Peace University from Dave Ramsay. Even if you don't decide to pay down debt quickly, most of the class focuses on living under your means and budgeting and communicating effectively on money decisions. And DR is definitely not someone who says you shouldn't make babies because of finances, so you wouldn't have to worry about that.

noffgurl

As someone who understands the almost unbearable need to build a family, in your situation I would:

Put 15% towards retirement
Put 10% towards savings (5 to emergency and 5 split between other goals)
Use 3% as a sinking fund for non-monthly bills or like firewood/gas for lawn mowers, auto inspections, etc.
Use 20% towards a home of my own
Use 7% for utilities, decorating, etc.
Use 15% for extra payments on any debts
Use the remaining 30% to live on (eating out, clothes, etc) and try to use coupons, sales whenever possible and budget some of this for baby expenses (pretend you need to buy diapers and put the money you would have used for that and put it in its own savings account)

hoffse

I think the others have given you sound advice.  My general impressions:

1) $1,000 in emergency savings is not enough if you are going to have a baby in the picture.  There are a few posters on this board who are comfortable with that in their e-fund, but most of them also have pretty good incomes and are able to cash-flow emergencies that pop up in a significant way.  If you guys are living paycheck to paycheck (ever), then you don't have enough in your monthly cashflow to divert funds to an emergency.  So for you guys, I think having more than $1,000 in an emergency fund is very important.  At the very minimum, I would make sure your e-fund covers the family deductible for whatever health insurance you have or will have with a baby. Even if you have a smooth pregnancy, little kids often end up in the hospital due to illness or injury.  A good friend of ours just had their 10 month old in the hospital for 4 days due to a stomach bug they couldn't get under control.  He tells me that used up their entire deductible for the year.

2) $112K in student loan debt - for your incomes - shouldn't be that hard to pay off. A couple years ago I was making $90K with around $125K of student loan debt while H was in law school in a city 3 hours away. I was able to support myself, fully fund both of our Roth IRAs, fund a couple of vacations (Jamaica and London), and heavily subsidize my H's living expenses on that income during my first two years of work. I was also on a 9-year repayment plan during that time. 

If the payments for your student loans are too high, then put yourselves on a 25 year repayment plan to keep the minimums as low as possible.  And then once you have your other finances straightened out, starting paying those down. You guys absolutely need to be paying more than interest.

3) 5% toward retirement isn't nearly enough.  You guys need to work toward 15% of your gross income.  For me, this is something that would need to be fixed before having kids.  They will take up a significant portion of your free money, and it will be even harder to increase your retirement contributions once that happens.

4) Like the others said.... kids are very expensive, especially childcare.  If you both work, then who will take care of your kid during the day?  The non-crappy daycares in my city (which is an inexpensive mid-sized city), are nearly $1000/month per child.

5) Sorry, but I ultimately agree with your mom.  You might not feel like she's being supportive, but she's trying to give you some tough love.  That's real support.

formerlyGDaisy09

hoffse said:

I think the others have given you sound advice.  My general impressions:

1) $1,000 in emergency savings is not enough if you are going to have a baby in the picture.  There are a few posters on this board who are comfortable with that in their e-fund, but most of them also have pretty good incomes and are able to cash-flow emergencies that pop up in a significant way.  If you guys are living paycheck to paycheck (ever), then you don't have enough in your monthly cashflow to divert funds to an emergency.  So for you guys, I think having more than $1,000 in an emergency fund is very important.  At the very minimum, I would make sure your e-fund covers the family deductible for whatever health insurance you have or will have with a baby. Even if you have a smooth pregnancy, little kids often end up in the hospital due to illness or injury.  A good friend of ours just had their 10 month old in the hospital for 4 days due to a stomach bug they couldn't get under control.  He tells me that used up their entire deductible for the year.

2) $112K in student loan debt - for your incomes - shouldn't be that hard to pay off. A couple years ago I was making $90K with around $125K of student loan debt while H was in law school in a city 3 hours away. I was able to support myself, fully fund both of our Roth IRAs, fund a couple of vacations (Jamaica and London), and heavily subsidize my H's living expenses on that income during my first two years of work. I was also on a 9-year repayment plan during that time. 

If the payments for your student loans are too high, then put yourselves on a 25 year repayment plan to keep the minimums as low as possible.  And then once you have your other finances straightened out, starting paying those down. You guys absolutely need to be paying more than interest.

3) 5% toward retirement isn't nearly enough.  You guys need to work toward 15% of your gross income.  For me, this is something that would need to be fixed before having kids.  They will take up a significant portion of your free money, and it will be even harder to increase your retirement contributions once that happens.

4) Like the others said.... kids are very expensive, especially childcare.  If you both work, then who will take care of your kid during the day?  The non-crappy daycares in my city (which is an inexpensive mid-sized city), are nearly $1000/month per child.

5) Sorry, but I ultimately agree with your mom.  You might not feel like she's being supportive, but she's trying to give you some tough love.  That's real support.

All this is good. Rather than the deductible I'd suggest having the Max-out of pocket in your e-fund. Thanks to Obama care all insurance plans have this and it should be a number you know.  My insurance has a $3,500 max-out of pocket for individuals (my in-network deductible is only $500, granted once the deductible has been met co-insurance kicks in and bills will accumulate at a slower rate, but who know what could happen, or even if I could be on the hook for some out-of-network care at some point this year)  Given that our baby is due in December, and there will likely be medical expenses in the beginning of 2016, we've set a minimum of $7K on our e-fund and are planning to increase contributions to my FSA next year to $1,000 or more. most reports I've heard from friends is that we might need $1,500, assuming and uneventful delivery...but we like to plan for the worst and hope for the best. 

hoffse

Good point on the max OOP rather than the deductible.  OP needs to expect medical costs to hit that amount during the year she delivers, and possibly the next year as well when baby is little.

dragonstarjk

Everybody has already given good advice, so all I want to say is:  paying less than even the interest on the student loans is simply not acceptable or responsible.  If you do NOTHING ELSE that has been recommended, at least start paying all of the interest at the very minimum.

Xstatic3333

I think you've got to be leaking money somewhere that you don't realize. We have a similar income and debt load to you guys (ours is a little lower, and split between SLs and cars). We also have a $1200 mortgage/housing payment. Yet, in a typical month (which this month was NOT), we can save a few hundred dollars and I can give 10% to my Roth IRA. H contributes about 15%, but some is to a pension which we really shouldn't be counting at all.

I would track every penny you spend for the next month, like PP have said. You've got to be losing money to more than just lunches. As for the lunches, think of your goal of starting a family! That should be enough motivation.

I don't think slow SL payoff is the end of the world, as long as you recognize that it isn't the best financial decision. Life is about more than money. You do, however, need to have the cash flow to cover your payments with baby expenses, retirement in order, and a good cushion in the bank. I want $5,000 before we "pull the goalie," but we have a very low OOP max ($1250/family/year). We'd had that until a series of e-fund robbing events over the last couple of months.

The good news is that with your income, I think you'll be able to make quick progress once you start sticking to a budget. Good luck, and stick around :-)

KAdams767

Um, what do you mean that the two single guys live in the basement?  Is it a separate apartment, with their entrance, kitchen and bathroom, or do you all share common spaces?  Sorry, but even if the two guys said they were OK with it, if they don't have their own actual apartment and are sharing with you, this would be a dealbreaker on the TTC for me until DH and I had our own place.  Not to mention only having $1,000 in savings.  For the sake of your future child, I would stop TTC now until the rest of your life is more in order.  The student loans are like the least of your problems that I can see.   

AprilZ81

I also think you should wait.

You are losing money somewhere because with that kind of money you should be able to be making more progress towards your debt and savings goals.

I would take a hard look at your income and then set a realistic budget (key word there is realistic and not budget for what you would like it to be) and track your spending for a few months.  That will help you find that "missing" money.

It is normal for your budget to change from time to time as your needs and expenses change so don't get discouraged.  As long as you and your husband agree on the priorities and you aren't spending more than you are making you can do whatever is right for your family.

Otherwise the other responses have said what I am thinking.

Sisugal

Listen to your mom!
Wait and get your finances in order - you will not be sorry.
Having a child before you are financially ready will not be a happy scene.

short+sassy

I'll repeat some of the other PPs.  Temporarily put off the TTC, just until you put a budget together and can stick to it for some time.

I'm definitely not as MM as most of the others on this board.  For example, I don't track every dollar I spend or even have an entertainment/eating out budget.  I just spend what I spend when I want to spend it.  But I still have over $3K/month to throw at debt and/or savings on 25% less income that what you all have.

You need to find where you are hemorrhaging.  The best way to do that is to list out all your sources of income.  I usually use my "net" income...which is after taxes, retirement, and my HSA (Health Savings Deductible).  Then list out all your "set" bills, ie rent, utilities, car payments, car insurance, student loans, cell phone, cable, groceries, etc.  What you are left with is the surplus.  This is what you can allocate toward an entertainment/eating out budget...and I do recommend some money toward this...as well as savings, more retirement, pay off student loans faster, etc.

Now, take that same budget, and pretend a baby is already here.  Add to your bills column an approximation for childcare expenses, diapers, formula, food, dr. visits, clothes...and probably a 100 other things I can't think of because I've never had children, lol.  This will give you a more true picture of what your finances will look like after the baby arrives.

True, true.  There is never the "perfect" time to have a baby.  But being a bit more ready and prepared on what to expect financially will really help you out.

Erikan73

As someone who married into a roommate situation, trust me when I say, at some point you are going to want it to be just you, hubby & baby. We recently gave our roommate a 90 day notice to move out. It's our house, so he is the one who has to move. So that being said, you need to make sure that you can afford a two bedroom home (house or apartment) on your own. This way if the roommates change their mind, you know you can afford to live on your own. Talk to any friends and/or co-workers that have young kids and ask them what they pay for childcare (tell them you are thinking about having kids and are looking at costs). Then also ask them for a rough idea on what they spend for diapers, formula, etc. Even if you plan to breast feed, you have to plan for formula in case of for some reason the baby can't take breast milk. Once you've done your research on that, do a serious look at your budget to determine that if you actually set up a budget and stuck to it, how much is left at the end of the month for the expenses of having a child.

sugabrat22

Thanks everyone for the feedback so far. I took a pregnancy test this afternoon and it looks like...we are expecting! I am going to tell DH tonight when he gets home. I know he will be sooooo exicted. I am elated and a little terrified now. We have only been NTNP for 4 months and I didn't expect it to happen so fast.

With all of your feedback, I realize that our situation is definitely less than ideal. In regards to where our other money is going, we do have the following that wasn't listed above:

• Health insurance: $280 per month for both
• Car payment: $325
• Car Insurance/Phone bill: $300
• Food: kind of unknown...don't track it very well, honestly
• Other expenses pop up from buying gifts for family/friends, taking weekend trips, etc

I agree, we need to be much better about tracking our expenses. I think we will sit down and talk about it tonight. We have 8 months to figure things out, so we need to get the ball rolling. I was looking at a program called, "You Need a Budget" and that seems pretty helpful. 

formerlyGDaisy09

sugabrat22 said:

Thanks everyone for the feedback so far. I took a pregnancy test this afternoon and it looks like...we are expecting! I am going to tell DH tonight when he gets home. I know he will be sooooo exicted. I am elated and a little terrified now. We have only been NTNP for 4 months and I didn't expect it to happen so fast.

With all of your feedback, I realize that our situation is definitely less than ideal. In regards to where our other money is going, we do have the following that wasn't listed above:

• Health insurance: $280 per month for both
• Car payment: $325
• Car Insurance/Phone bill: $300
• Food: kind of unknown...don't track it very well, honestly
• Other expenses pop up from buying gifts for family/friends, taking weekend trips, etc

I agree, we need to be much better about tracking our expenses. I think we will sit down and talk about it tonight. We have 8 months to figure things out, so we need to get the ball rolling. I was looking at a program called, "You Need a Budget" and that seems pretty helpful. 

best of luck to you. time to get extremely serious about your finances. most the women (and a few men) on this board are extremely helpful and give good, honest, unbiased advice. I hope you have H&H 9 months. 

simplyelise

Congratulations! 

If you want more help figuring out ways to trim your budget, feel free to post it up here. When you're first starting to nail down a budget it can be really easy to forget things (haircuts, gifts, recurring subscriptions), so it can be helpful to get more than one set of eyes on things.

I've never used You Need a Budget but I've heard good things. We're currently using everydollar.com and we love it!

hoffse

Thanks everyone for the feedback so far. I took a pregnancy test this afternoon and it looks like...we are expecting! I am going to tell DH tonight when he gets home. I know he will be sooooo exicted. I am elated and a little terrified now. We have only been NTNP for 4 months and I didn't expect it to happen so fast.

With all of your feedback, I realize that our situation is definitely less than ideal. In regards to where our other money is going, we do have the following that wasn't listed above:

• Health insurance: $280 per month for both
• Car payment: $325
• Car Insurance/Phone bill: $300
• Food: kind of unknown...don't track it very well, honestly
• Other expenses pop up from buying gifts for family/friends, taking weekend trips, etc

I agree, we need to be much better about tracking our expenses. I think we will sit down and talk about it tonight. We have 8 months to figure things out, so we need to get the ball rolling. I was looking at a program called, "You Need a Budget" and that seems pretty helpful. 

What is your actual take-home?  Depending on state income taxes and the way your insurance/retirement contributions work, you guys ought to be seeing somewhere around $5K/month, give or take a few hundred.  Does that sound right?

If you did a 25-year repayment for the loans, assuming a 6.8% interest rate (Stafford), you would be looking at around $775/month for student loans.  You said your rent is $900/month.  Plus health insurance (does this come out of your paycheck?), car payment, and cell/phone insurance is $905/month.  I assume your utilities are not covered in the rent?

Obviously this doesn't account for all of your expenses, but you should still have in the neighborhood of $2400/month that you can live off of.  That should be enough for food, other basic expenses, childcare, and also to increase your retirement contributions a little bit.

Between now and when baby is born, do yourself a favor and start living off of your baby budget.  Put that money away for the next 9 months to cover the medical expenses and other "start up" costs.  That will help you build a nest egg, and it will help prevent you from being blindsided by those costs once baby is here.  Presumably you will have more important things to worry about at that point (like figuring out when to sleep), and you guys need to be in the habit of living within your new budget by then.

You guys really need to buckle down and figure out where your money is going.  If you use credit or debit cards, look at all of your statements since January and sort every swipe into categories - groceries, gas, clothes, eating out, dry cleaning, gifts, gym, all of it.  Be honest about how much you spent each month in each category.  You probably won't like what you see, but that's part of it.

Report back to us what your budget has actually been, and we'll help you trim the fat.  You guys should be able to afford this baby, but in order to do it you guys are probably going to need to make some pretty major lifestyle changes.

dragonstarjk

I'm starting to feel like this is MUD.  If not, I apologize.  I just.....can't wrap my head around half of the stuff that OP has stated.  If this is all true and you have made the grown up decision to get pregnant, then please start making some grown up decisions about your finances.  Like, today. I'm not usually mean but c'mon!

hoffse

dragonstarjk said:

I'm starting to feel like this is MUD.  If not, I apologize.  I just.....can't wrap my head around half of the stuff that OP has stated.  If this is all true and you have made the grown up decision to get pregnant, then please start making some grown up decisions about your finances.  Like, today. I'm not usually mean but c'mon!

I was kind of wondering this too, honestly.

OP, giving you the benefit of the doubt here - it's time to get your game face on and get these problems taken care of.

cbee817

Congrats and GL to you. I would start saving every $ you possibly can, cook meals at home so that you're eating better for you and your baby, and think about getting your own place for your family. 

simplyelise

Is your husband eligible for the the 10 year public service loan forgiveness? 

Xstatic3333

hoffse said:

dragonstarjk said:

I'm starting to feel like this is MUD.  If not, I apologize.  I just.....can't wrap my head around half of the stuff that OP has stated.  If this is all true and you have made the grown up decision to get pregnant, then please start making some grown up decisions about your finances.  Like, today. I'm not usually mean but c'mon!

I was kind of wondering this too, honestly.

OP, giving you the benefit of the doubt here - it's time to get your game face on and get these problems taken care of.

I wondered a little too with the BFP, but am also taking benefit of the doubt approach.

OP, congratulations on your pregnancy and H & H 9 months.  I have heard great things about YNAB, and think going that route is a great idea for you.  It asks you to live on last month's income and holds you to a careful budget.  You do still have time to get everything in order, plan for daycare expenses, and get on the right track, just start TODAY.  I think all of @hoffse's advice is sound, and definitely invite you to stick around accountability posts.  

Sisugal

Remember you do NOT need  top of the line items for outfitting the nursery and your new baby. You also do not really need most of the things on the "list of items you need for baby".  You can get almost everything for a baby used. Spending more does not mean you love your child more. They outgrow stuff sooooo fast - be sensible and put your money where it counts - a stable financial future - not on the "cutsie" $$ stuff.

MissChanandlerBong

sugabrat22 said:

Thanks everyone for the feedback so far. I took a pregnancy test this afternoon and it looks like...we are expecting! I am going to tell DH tonight when he gets home. I know he will be sooooo exicted. I am elated and a little terrified now. We have only been NTNP for 4 months and I didn't expect it to happen so fast.

With all of your feedback, I realize that our situation is definitely less than ideal. In regards to where our other money is going, we do have the following that wasn't listed above:

• Health insurance: $280 per month for both
• Car payment: $325
• Car Insurance/Phone bill: $300
• Food: kind of unknown...don't track it very well, honestly
• Other expenses pop up from buying gifts for family/friends, taking weekend trips, etc

I agree, we need to be much better about tracking our expenses. I think we will sit down and talk about it tonight. We have 8 months to figure things out, so we need to get the ball rolling. I was looking at a program called, "You Need a Budget" and that seems pretty helpful. 

As the mother of a daughter born at 23 weeks (aka about 4 months early), this is definitely not a guarantee.  Everything was going great and I was not high risk or anything, pretty much up until she was born.  Best of luck because I really don't have anything else to say beyond what's been covered. 

Wulfgar

All I am going to say is good luck, but you have really about 3 to 4 months to get a good handle on your current finances and then start looking at all of the other expenses for having children.  MW and I just had our second in December and if we didn't get some really good raises last year and this, we would be even tighter than we are.  It helps that MIL is our primary care giver for our children while we work and we still pay her $600 per year.

Most child care places require you to supply all of the formula/ breast milk, diapers etc for your child above and beyond the cost of child care.  Then your health care costs will go up with having children.

MommyLiberty5013

sugabrat22 said:

Hi Everyone! I have been lurking for a while and this is my first post!

I know TTC is a very personal decision, but I wanted to get your thoughts on our situation.

Combined, DH and I make pretty good money for our area ($90,000), but we have been very intentional about our budgeting for the past few years. We had about $5,000 in savings, but we wanted to go on a honeymoon for our 1st anniversary, so we spent about $4,000 on a trip to Jamaica. It was so much fun and relaxing, but probably not the best financial decision. Well, now that we feel settled and I am 28, DH is 30, we really want to start a family...like now. This is our current situation:

• $90,000 combined income
• $112,000 combined student loan debt; we are only making the minimum payments and that doesn't even cover the interest for his loans. But I don't see the point in paying more than the minimum, we have accepted we will be paying our loans for a very long time. I don't want to delay my life because of student loans.
• $1,000 in savings
• Retirement: I save about 5% of my income and DH is required to save 8% (government employee), neither of us have a match
• We sometimes live paycheck to paycheck. Mostly because we eat out about 5-6 times a week between lunch and dinner. We know we need to cook more/bring lunch, but we need to motivate ourselves to do it! Our rent is pretty affordable ($900 a month with utilities)
• Living with 2 roommates (both single males) in a rented large home. They seemed fine with the idea of having a baby around. It's a 5 bedroom home and they live in the basement. So the noise shouldn't be too loud.

I have loosely discussed our situation with my mother because she is helping us get our finances figured out She was kind of mean the other day and said we should wait a year to get our finances in order. Here's the catch, she doesn't know that we are kind of actively TTCing. So I could technically be pregnant right now. I understand what she is saying, but we figure once we get pregnant, we will have 9 months to get our finances in order. DH and I are on the same page about things, so that should be what really matters, right?

I just figure, we are adults and whatever we decide, is our decision. We can and will figure it out. I am just worried my mother may be upset with us rather than being happy for us.

ETA: Ok, typing it out makes me realize that it can across a little more grim than it really is. Like I said, we have a habit of eating out quite a bit...which is a money suck. But, we have discussed this and plan to start cutting back soon. So I think that will save quite a bit of money. Also, we are going to cut back on going out to bars with friends (our social budget is quite large) and plan to start tracking every dollar. I know finances are important, but they aren't everything. 

Bolded. 2 unrelated males in a house with an new infant with new parents?

From their perspective, they have no idea what it will be like to live with a pregnant woman and then a new baby. Of course, they said it was fine!!! I bet $10 that in 6 months, they will move out. They will NOT be excited about this baby when it arrives. They say, "Yeah fine" now, but that will change when they realize what a cost to their social life having an infant in their home will be. What would you do then financially if you lost your roomies?

Next, you have NO idea what it's like to be a new parent. I highly doubt as an expectant mom waddling around your kitchen you're gonna want 2 males in your home and what about their friends that they bring over? What will you do if they bring home partiers or smokers? Or drinkers? Or sleezy women? There's a safety hazard right there. Just doesn't seem like a suitable atmosphere to have a newborn baby in.

Next, "noise" is the least of your worries with a baby. You'll be up all night...walking around in your pj's...maybe running the dryer or vacuum to get the LO to go to sleep. What if the kid has medical issues? Then, what? You have 2 random men in your home?

Nope. First priority before TCC, get a place of your own.

JoanE2012

I also get the feeling this is MUD.  If not, OP, then you really need to get your financial act together.  You cannot afford to eat out 5-6 times a week.  This is very irresponsible.  Start tracking that.  I had a friend who was in a similar situation and she went back and added it all up for the month they realized they were spending around $1600/month on takeout/restaurants.  And they were wondering why they were barely able to afford their mortgage!  duh.

How do you plan to pay for everything the child will need?

sugabrat22

Whoa. That got a bit ugly fast. I get it we haven't been the best at tracking our finances. I said sometimes we lived paycheck to paycheck, but that has been very infrequently. We had a few months where we decided to do some trips, and they caused us to be strapped financially. Looking at all of our bills/finances tonight, we actually end the month with about $500-$700 left. So not a ton, but we can definitely improve. We both work in downtown locations, so when we go out, it's like $10 per person. Yeah, I know that's a lot, but it just seems so usual given a lot of co-workers do it. 

Yes, I found out I was pregnant today. I mentioned I could be in my first post, as we have been NTNP for 4 months and I had a feeling I might be since I missed my period. I have just been hesitant to test because I didn't want to see a negative. Coming on here and discussing our finances made me realize we do need to get our shit together and I figured I might as well test and see if I was pregnant. Now I know. Now shit feels real and we have a lot of stuff to figure out. Thanks for those who offered good advice, and I don't feel like addressing those that made a mockery of my post and calling it MUD. 

For childcare, my sister lives in town and owns a home daycare. So we will be seeing if she can take in our LO. That would be about $500-$600 a month. Realistically, if we cut back on eating out and on our social budget (bars, concerts), we can fit a baby into our budget. 

We haven't been great at finances. Ok, we have been pretty bad, but it really hasn't felt that bad up until now. We have always paid bills on time and we like to enjoy ourselves. 

Regarding living situation: We could get a new place, but at the moment it doesn't make sense to. Our rent is manageable and we have lived with the two roommates for 4 years thus far. They aren't strangers, they feel like family. One actually has a daughter and is used to children. She lives with her mom, but he has her over often. I am not worried about them being bothered. And if they do move out, then we will find a new place. 

simplyelise

The most important thing is to have a plan that moves you guys forward financially. It sounds like you're getting to that point. If your mom is able to see you and your H's new commitment and focus, I'm sure she'll jump on the excitement train too.

I have a close friend who's expecting and has a 18 mo old and she and her husband own their home with a 23 yr old male roommate and 31 yr old female roommate who live in the basement. Although I couldn't do roommates now as a married w/o kids, I do know it works for some people.

Glad you guys have an idea about childcare. That would definitely be a huge savings.

Is your husband eligible for public service student loan forgiveness? That's definitely worth checking out because it could forgive his debt after 10 years of qualifying payments. Either way, I'd look into making sure you are at least servicing the interest on his loans so you don't let that debt grow bigger.

I'd probably prioritize building efund savings right now above all else until baby comes. As far as going out in the city for lunch, H & I both used to spend way too much on going out to eat during the work day. Now that we're on a budget, we each get $60/month in cash for blow money and can decide how we want to use it. For H, that'a about 2 lunches out a week to jimmy johns. We don't do cash envelopes for much, but doing it for our fun spending has really helped us pull back. Yeah, sometimes it sucks when I go to a bachelorette party and eat at home first and then only get one drink. But at the end of the day, it's more than worth it to reach our financial goals. 

Just a suggestion on what works for us!