Opinions please. Is sexting cheating?

MAYBE?

My dear friend is thinking of leaving her husband over this and I am not sure I think divorce is needed but then again it didn't happen to me. So I was wondering  what your thoughts are. I am very upset for her and think I would be so upset if it was me but I think I would try to make it work first then go on from there. I have been trying for days to help her through this and I  am not sure I am giving her the best advise.  So I am looking to see what you guys think If you knew your spouse was sexting another woman would you consider it cheating? How about if it was just once or what if it was multiple times? How would you feel if it was a friend of his that you trusted. Are they just words or cheating?

smynings_bride

It's a betrayal of marital trust.  I think it's up to the people in the marriage whether it's a deal breaker.  Would probably depend on the circumstances and whether there's a chance trust can be rebuilt.  It could be an isolated incident or just the first time they were caught.  I wouldn't be so caught up in defining "cheating," what really matters is whether the trust was broken and whether it can be restored.  I'm a divorce attorney and I see people who have zero tolerance and end of divorcing over something like this but when you dig deeper there are always other issues that got them to where they were.  Other couples seem to be able to reconcile/stay together.  Sometimes I see people who let incidents like this slide but then the behavior repeats itself.  Of course, I don't see the people that never get to the point of coming in to see at attorney.  Perhaps your friend should speak with a counselor to help sort out her feelings.  Divorce is a drastic steps, especially if children are involved.

waltsgirl102503

Yes, I think it's cheating.  If it hasn't moved to physical cheating yet, then maybe I could work through it with counseling.   Like the previous poster mentioned though, the trust would be broken and that is always hard to get back.  

kris356

I agree that it is a betrayal of trust. For some it is a deal breaker, for some its not. Personally, I would probably try counseling both individual and couple before ending things. If it something I could not forgive and move on from, then divorce would be the end result. But I agree that there are probably bigger issues that led to this.

egpitt22

Ditto everyone else, I would most likely try counseling first, but I'm assuming there were other issues at heart and I'm not sure I could ever fully move on and trust that person again.

Meghan&Rich

Yes, it is cheating.  I agree that we shouldn't get caught up in the semantics of things, but regardless of how far things went, cheating = dishonesty.  It's breaking trust, and breaking your marriage vows.  Personally, I don't think it's someting that I could move on from, but I'd probably try for the sake of our children.  Only the individual involved can determine whether or not it's something that they would want to work on and move forward from.  If that is the case, then they should definitely get counseling.

denalea

I also say it is a betrayal of trust.  Whether or not it is something that could be recovered from would depend on SO many factors that I'm not sure anyone but the two involved would be able to determine the future of the marriage, along with help from a good counselor. 

Since I doubt anyone wakes up and says, "Hey, I think I'll send this lady I know a picture of my junk just because" I would assume that there is more going on than some "harmless" texts.  (Not necessarily physical cheating, but a non-martial relationship that has some serious boundary issues.)  I would also assume that the marriage has some areas that need work/are not healthy, etc., some which may be apparent, and some not as much. 

I think the best you can do is listen to your friend, and just be a sounding board. "You know I will be here for you whatever your future brings."