Looking for advice

deborahss

Hi! My friend is supposed to get married next month. But unfortunately, he is now drowning in debt. He has a credit card loan of almost $50K plus some other miscellaneous loans. I had taken him to doctor last week. He is under severe depression.He has not informed his girl friend about it. I wanna help him overcome the situation. I have asked him to apply for debt consolidation. I don't know how far it will help him overcome the situation. I seriously want to do something for him. Anyone's been through this? How did you deal with it?

Erikan73

First he needs to tell his fiancess about this. This is a huge thing and to go into a marriage and not be honest about his financial situation is not a great way to start the marriage. He needs to work with his FI on a plan because they need to create a monthly and needs to figure how much they can afford to put towards paying off his debts. Once they know how much they can afford to pay off each month they can then figure out how to tackle which bills to pay off first. This what my husband and I have been working on since getting married. I knew when I said I do, that I was getting a wonderful man, but a wonderful man with some serious financial issues. We've worked through them together and we have a light at the end of the tunnel. And to be honest, we used a huge amount of the money we received for wedding gifts to pay off his debts, and also get him new tires for his car. Would have been great to go on a fancy vacation, but we decided to use it to get ourselves moving towards a better financial future. But the first thing, he needs to come clean to his girlfriend.

smerka

He needs to tell his fiance now. When I got married, my DH had about $50,000 in debt. He is a brilliant man, but hates to talk or think about money. He just put his head in the sand about it. We spent the first 18 months of our marriage paying it off by living off of one salary and paying debt off with the other. And during that time we had to go to soemthing seven weddings and only one was in town. It can be done, he just needs to be honest about it.

als1982

I may be a cynic, but when a person's first post contains a link like yours, to a business, it sets off my internal alarm that you are likely a vendor.

That said, if this is real, he needs to tell his future spouse the truth and all of it. Immediately. Then, if she sticks with him, they can move forward making decisions together.

Also, why are you the one taking him to the doctor? Why isn't she? Or, why isn't he capable of doing it himself?

If your story is true, there sounds like more issues at play here than just him thinking about 'debt consolidation.'

Xstatic3333

als1982 said:

I may be a cynic, but when a person's first post contains a link like yours, to a business, it sets off my internal alarm that you are likely a vendor.

That said, if this is real, he needs to tell his future spouse the truth and all of it. Immediately. Then, if she sticks with him, they can move forward making decisions together.

Also, why are you the one taking him to the doctor? Why isn't she? Or, why isn't he capable of doing it himself?

If you're story is true, there sounds like more issues at play here than just him thinking about 'debt consolidation.'

This.  

If it's real, yes, I agree that he needs to tell his FI.  Unfortunately, however, he is an adult and you can't make him do the right thing, only offer help if asked.  Many people on this board have dug out from debt loads like his, or are hard at work on it.  I don't know anyone who has had a marriage survive hiding that kind of debt, however.  

hoffse

I agree that if this is real, he has a bigger problem than his debt.  Why is he telling you about it and not her?

Ashley61116

Absolutely, he needs to tell his fiance and sit down with her and create a budge and plan to get out of this debt. He also needs to figure out how he landed himself in this hole to begin with, and figure out ways to prevent the same thing in the future. It would probably be best if both he and his fiance were part of this soul searching. I have a feeling they have not talked about money at all and they may have very different spending habits and priorities. They need to have a meeting of the minds before this sabotages their marriage before it even starts. They should probably seek the help of a pre-marital counselor to walk them through it, to create a productive conversation. It can be terribly difficult to talk about your money problems--they make you feel like a total failure. It's not really that surprising he has kept this from his fiance.  I also heard a wise woman talking about money and couples on MPR: Ruth Hayden. Maybe they should both check out some of her books (from the library! ). 

bparkhur

Oh god, please. this is not real.  Who takes someone else fiancé to a doctor?