Black tie help

hoffse

So big news in our household - H has been nominated for a board position (not the junior board, the real board) for a major MAJOR charitable organization in our city.  It's subject to a board vote, but the chair of the current board nominated him, so we think he's got a pretty good shot.

It's a really big deal, and I'm super proud of him.  But this will necessitate a tux for him and dresses for me.  They do a couple of black tie events per year.

We're going to buy H a new tux if he gets voted onto the board - he has an old one from his music days, but to say it's worn/stained would be an understatement, and it's really looking bad.  Between this organization and fundraisers for other organizations, he will likely wear it a few times per year, so it makes sense to just purchase one.

For me, we're torn.  I was all set to try rent the runway, but a couple of friends of mine have given me pause when I mentioned it to them - one girl had her dress never show up, and another friend had a horrible experience with her return.  For some reason RTR didn't credit it correctly, and they charged her $600.  She had to dispute it with her CC.

So I might be back to buying dresses until I have a sufficient enough stash that I can start rotating them.  Unfortunately, we tend to see the same people at these events, so I can't just wear the same dress every single time. 

Any ideas about places to look for dresses that are black-tie appropriate?  I've had good luck with BCBG in the past - their discounted dresses are often under $100 - but it's all the same kind of look, and I would like to have more than one store in my back pocket in case they don't have anything when I need it. 

The first event is this summer, so I have a little time to shop but not a ton.  We have definitely been invited to that one, regardless of the outcome of the board thing.

TIA!

noffgurl

I'm no black tie expert but congrats to him!

hoffse

noffgurl said:

I'm no black tie expert but congrats to him!

Thanks!  He's only 27, and he's not heir to some massive fortune that they are courting, so it was really based on merit.  He's done an absolutely massive amount of work to promote this organization among the young professionals community, and the board has apparently taken note.  We are very excited!

Also kind of nervous - it feels awfully "adult!"

dragonstarjk

Yay, congrats!

I actually like to check out David's Bridal for fancy dresses; they have their special occasion dresses that are not bridesmaidy,and I've even found a few Mother of the Bride dresses that I really like that I think are not 'motherly'.

Macy's also has a pretty good selection of formal dresses.  And I've heard Dillard's but I've never shopped there, so I can't confirm.  I like stores like these because they have a big range in prices, from 'budget' black tie to designer labels.

I don't know any other places; I live six hours from any place to shop

als1982

I think I'd be less worried about the tux/dresses than the financial obligation of non-profit board service.  In my experience, major organizations are going to have an expectation that board members give at the leadership level (likely five to six figures).  With this in mind, I don't know if it's the cost of attire I'd be worried about.  

csuave

Nordstrom.com has a nice selection.

vlagrl29

I LOVE dresses and can't ever turn down a dress that catches my eyes.  Lately though they have been pretty casual - maxi dresses and dresses that hit right above the knee.  I do have a couple formal dresses I'm in love with - 1 of them I got at Nordstroms (it was supposed to be me divorce party dress, but since that didn't happen I've worn it to special events since) and the other one I got at a boutique store in our town.  You should check out those kinds of stores near you.

Xstatic3333

The few times I've needed fancy dresses I only ever have luck at Macy's. It might be worth getting/working a Macy's card if you go that route. My mom has one and they send her epic coupons-I want to say as high as 30% off, sometimes stackable with sales.

ETA Congrats to H! Board service is a big adult step. I just joined a board and am loving it, but it's much more chill/low budget than what you're describing.

hoffse

als1982 said:

I think I'd be less worried about the tux/dresses than the financial obligation of non-profit board service.  In my experience, major organizations are going to have an expectation that board members give at the leadership level (likely five to six figures).  With this in mind, I don't know if it's the cost of attire I'd be worried about.  

He has made that clear to them that this won't be possible.  We will donate (we already do), but we're in our 20's.  Literally every other board member is in their 40's or older.

EDIT: To clarify, this is an organization that tends to appeal to an older crowd, and there is concern about their longevity unless younger people can get motivated to join (and become future donors).  H has recruited over 100 people under the age of 35 since early January to join.  The board has been very happy with that kind of work, since it will help sustain them in the long-run.  That's why he was nominated in the first place.  We currently donate around $1,000/year (believe me, they know exactly how much we donate personally), and we will continue to do that until our finances are such that we can afford to do more.  H has given them this information, and they seem more than happy with it.  I suspect we're on the high end for donors our age anyway.

Any board fees, etc. that come with this will be covered by his law firm.  They have been trying to get somebody on this board for years now, and H is looking like their best shot!  It's kind of funny because other large firms in the community have senior partners or managing partners on this board.  H's firm may end up being represented by a first year associate!  H's department chair heard about these prospects, and he is beyond thrilled.  He told H yesterday that he's more than happy to increase H's business development budget as needed for membership dues, tickets/tables at these kind of events, etc.  We know that personal donations will be on us, but we would donate personally regardless, so we are perfectly happy with that.

Erikan73

Go to stores like Saks or Nordstrom and hit the clearance racks. Also check with some local consignment stores. Now this is a stretch, but we have a Salvation Army store not too far from me, it's an area near a well off community. They sometimes have some really nice evening dresses in there. Also find yourself a nice full length black skirt. With that, you can change up tops and reuse the skirt a few times. Ann Taylor online has a cocktail section that has short and long dresses available.

 

simplyelise

Just wanted to comment that my Rent the Runway experience was super smooth and satisfying. I did it for my rehearsal dinner dress and I loved that you got to pick two sizes and that tons of users put up irl pictures of themselves in the dress so you can see how the cut looks on people of different sizes than just a model. 

hoffse

Erikan73 said:

Go to stores like Saks or Nordstrom and hit the clearance racks. Also check with some local consignment stores. Now this is a stretch, but we have a Salvation Army store not too far from me, it's an area near a well off community. They sometimes have some really nice evening dresses in there. Also find yourself a nice full length black skirt. With that, you can change up tops and reuse the skirt a few times. Ann Taylor online has a cocktail section that has short and long dresses available.

 

That's a fantastic idea, and I had not thought of that.  Thanks!

hoffse

Thanks for these tips!  We have a saks, but I've never really looked for dresses there because I've assumed they would be too expensive.  I'll definitely give that a look.

No Nordstrom's nearby, but we have a Nordstrom Rack that I can check out.  Again, I haven't spent as much time in there as I probably should have...

jessica490

Congrats to your H! I think any store that has prom type gowns will have a dress for you that you can find. Ditto on a bridal shop, they may have what your looking for.  I think the large department stores would be good as well, especially if you can get a coupon.

smerka

I am guessing that based on your age, a lot of your friends are getting married/standing up in weddings. Maybe borrow bridesmaids dresses? I second buying a black skirt or even pants (that you might be able to work too). The tops can usually be pretty cheap after New Years and wedding season.

Xstatic3333

smerka said:

I am guessing that based on your age, a lot of your friends are getting married/standing up in weddings. Maybe borrow bridesmaids dresses? I second buying a black skirt or even pants (that you might be able to work too). The tops can usually be pretty cheap after New Years and wedding season.

That's a good idea.  You could probably buy them used too, especially ones from fancy/formal weddings.  

hoffse

Xstatic3333 said:

smerka said:

I am guessing that based on your age, a lot of your friends are getting married/standing up in weddings. Maybe borrow bridesmaids dresses? I second buying a black skirt or even pants (that you might be able to work too). The tops can usually be pretty cheap after New Years and wedding season.

That's a good idea.  You could probably buy them used too, especially ones from fancy/formal weddings.  

Yeah these are good thoughts as well.  Unfortunately, the two weddings I have been in personally didn't yield dresses that would work.  But I can definitely ask around.

formerlyGDaisy09

First, Congrats to your H! 

I've not heard any RTR horror stories, and I've used them for a few things. I did end-up subscribing to pro because a lot of the insurance and shipping fees get waived, if you use the service more than once it pays for itself (plus you get a free rental around your birthday). 

I used this to rent jewelry for a formal event to honor my boss, everything showed up on time (it was a little tarnished, but i guess it had that antique look) and it was really simple to drop-off at a UPS store the next day (I did make sure to get a receipt so I could prove that I had shipped it, if needed). A friend rented a dress for a wedding in january, she didn't have any problems and their 2nd size option saved her (she's usually an 8 and ordered a dress that was reported to run a little big so she got a 6 and an 8 and ended up wearing the 6.). 

I'm planning to make use of it this summer and rent some "bump friendly" dresses that aren't generally my style (empire waists and shift-dresses aren't usually my thing), but it should get me through wedding season without ending up with a ton of maternity or non-maternity dresses in my closet that I'll never wear again. Plus, one of the weddings falls around my birthday...so free dress! 

It wouldn't hurt to own one nice, simple, black formal dress, but if you'll be going to a lot of events RTR might be a good way to change things up, especially if you're with the same crowd all the time. 

hoffse

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

First, Congrats to your H! 

I've not heard any RTR horror stories, and I've used them for a few things. I did end-up subscribing to pro because a lot of the insurance and shipping fees get waived, if you use the service more than once it pays for itself (plus you get a free rental around your birthday). 

I used this to rent jewelry for a formal event to honor my boss, everything showed up on time (it was a little tarnished, but i guess it had that antique look) and it was really simple to drop-off at a UPS store the next day (I did make sure to get a receipt so I could prove that I had shipped it, if needed). A friend rented a dress for a wedding in january, she didn't have any problems and their 2nd size option saved her (she's usually an 8 and ordered a dress that was reported to run a little big so she got a 6 and an 8 and ended up wearing the 6.). 

I'm planning to make use of it this summer and rent some "bump friendly" dresses that aren't generally my style (empire waists and shift-dresses aren't usually my thing), but it should get me through wedding season without ending up with a ton of maternity or non-maternity dresses in my closet that I'll never wear again. Plus, one of the weddings falls around my birthday...so free dress! 

It wouldn't hurt to own one nice, simple, black formal dress, but if you'll be going to a lot of events RTR might be a good way to change things up, especially if you're with the same crowd all the time. 

Ok I might give it a shot then - I do have a back up LBD that I suppose I could wear in case the RTR dress didn't work.

I was sold on the idea of RTR, but when I heard those poor reviews it gave me pause.

formerlyGDaisy09

hoffse said:

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

First, Congrats to your H! 

I've not heard any RTR horror stories, and I've used them for a few things. I did end-up subscribing to pro because a lot of the insurance and shipping fees get waived, if you use the service more than once it pays for itself (plus you get a free rental around your birthday). 

I used this to rent jewelry for a formal event to honor my boss, everything showed up on time (it was a little tarnished, but i guess it had that antique look) and it was really simple to drop-off at a UPS store the next day (I did make sure to get a receipt so I could prove that I had shipped it, if needed). A friend rented a dress for a wedding in january, she didn't have any problems and their 2nd size option saved her (she's usually an 8 and ordered a dress that was reported to run a little big so she got a 6 and an 8 and ended up wearing the 6.). 

I'm planning to make use of it this summer and rent some "bump friendly" dresses that aren't generally my style (empire waists and shift-dresses aren't usually my thing), but it should get me through wedding season without ending up with a ton of maternity or non-maternity dresses in my closet that I'll never wear again. Plus, one of the weddings falls around my birthday...so free dress! 

It wouldn't hurt to own one nice, simple, black formal dress, but if you'll be going to a lot of events RTR might be a good way to change things up, especially if you're with the same crowd all the time. 

Ok I might give it a shot then - I do have a back up LBD that I suppose I could wear in case the RTR dress didn't work.

I was sold on the idea of RTR, but when I heard those poor reviews it gave me pause.

I've only used it a couple times, but so far, no bad experiences. I did make sure to get the return package in the mail ASAP after the event. 

hoffse

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

hoffse said:

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

First, Congrats to your H! 

I've not heard any RTR horror stories, and I've used them for a few things. I did end-up subscribing to pro because a lot of the insurance and shipping fees get waived, if you use the service more than once it pays for itself (plus you get a free rental around your birthday). 

I used this to rent jewelry for a formal event to honor my boss, everything showed up on time (it was a little tarnished, but i guess it had that antique look) and it was really simple to drop-off at a UPS store the next day (I did make sure to get a receipt so I could prove that I had shipped it, if needed). A friend rented a dress for a wedding in january, she didn't have any problems and their 2nd size option saved her (she's usually an 8 and ordered a dress that was reported to run a little big so she got a 6 and an 8 and ended up wearing the 6.). 

I'm planning to make use of it this summer and rent some "bump friendly" dresses that aren't generally my style (empire waists and shift-dresses aren't usually my thing), but it should get me through wedding season without ending up with a ton of maternity or non-maternity dresses in my closet that I'll never wear again. Plus, one of the weddings falls around my birthday...so free dress! 

It wouldn't hurt to own one nice, simple, black formal dress, but if you'll be going to a lot of events RTR might be a good way to change things up, especially if you're with the same crowd all the time. 

Ok I might give it a shot then - I do have a back up LBD that I suppose I could wear in case the RTR dress didn't work.

I was sold on the idea of RTR, but when I heard those poor reviews it gave me pause.

I've only used it a couple times, but so far, no bad experiences. I did make sure to get the return package in the mail ASAP after the event. 

Yeah see... it looks like the deadline is noon the day after the event.  My friend is a chronic late sleeper.  That could have been what prompted the charge to her CC.

formerlyGDaisy09

hoffse said:

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

hoffse said:

formerlyGDaisy09 said:

First, Congrats to your H! 

I've not heard any RTR horror stories, and I've used them for a few things. I did end-up subscribing to pro because a lot of the insurance and shipping fees get waived, if you use the service more than once it pays for itself (plus you get a free rental around your birthday). 

I used this to rent jewelry for a formal event to honor my boss, everything showed up on time (it was a little tarnished, but i guess it had that antique look) and it was really simple to drop-off at a UPS store the next day (I did make sure to get a receipt so I could prove that I had shipped it, if needed). A friend rented a dress for a wedding in january, she didn't have any problems and their 2nd size option saved her (she's usually an 8 and ordered a dress that was reported to run a little big so she got a 6 and an 8 and ended up wearing the 6.). 

I'm planning to make use of it this summer and rent some "bump friendly" dresses that aren't generally my style (empire waists and shift-dresses aren't usually my thing), but it should get me through wedding season without ending up with a ton of maternity or non-maternity dresses in my closet that I'll never wear again. Plus, one of the weddings falls around my birthday...so free dress! 

It wouldn't hurt to own one nice, simple, black formal dress, but if you'll be going to a lot of events RTR might be a good way to change things up, especially if you're with the same crowd all the time. 

Ok I might give it a shot then - I do have a back up LBD that I suppose I could wear in case the RTR dress didn't work.

I was sold on the idea of RTR, but when I heard those poor reviews it gave me pause.

I've only used it a couple times, but so far, no bad experiences. I did make sure to get the return package in the mail ASAP after the event. 

Yeah see... it looks like the deadline is noon the day after the event.  My friend is a chronic late sleeper.  That could have been what prompted the charge to her CC.

I'm just booking a rental for a june wedding now...4 day rental delivered the thursday before a friday wedding, gives me all of saturday and until noon sunday to get it in the mail, I'll definitely be finding a UPS box on saturday

FutureMrsMerati

I agree with PP. Saks off Fifth and Nordstrom Rack (often located near an actual Nordstrom) are both excellent in my experience. While shopping online, I also appreciate the regular Nordstrom's free shipping and returns, they are my shop of choice because of how easy they make it to shop with them - unlike Bloomingdales. 

Another idea would be a consignment shop. Is there an upscale town nearby that has one? Lots of women consign dresses after they've been worn only once that were originally very expensive and are still absolutely gorgeous.

I will say that I have several friends who swear by Rent the Runway. Knowing your situation of not wanting to repeat the same dress, I'd give it a shot - but have a backup in case!

hoffse

Well I'm thinking I might set a reasonable budget, and I'll take a look at some of these places to see if I can find something to buy.  Obviously I would rather try it on and own it if possible, but I don't want to spend a ton of money on this.  

If I can't find something, I'll give RTR a shot and just have my LBD as a back-up.  I have to admit that I'm absolutely obsessed with some of the dresses you can rent, and there's no way I would ever EVER spend that much on them.  I like that they would look designer/expensive, since they actually are!  No concerns about fabric quality or anything like that.

There are lots of very fancy short dresses under $50 to rent and plenty of floor-length gowns under $100 to rent. Either of those would work for these events.  The men all wear tuxes, but the women do break the rules with short dresses if they are obviously very fancy (beaded, embellished, etc). 

formerlyGDaisy09

hoffse said:

Well I'm thinking I might set a reasonable budget, and I'll take a look at some of these places to see if I can find something to buy.  Obviously I would rather try it on and own it if possible, but I don't want to spend a ton of money on this.  

If I can't find something, I'll give RTR a shot and just have my LBD as a back-up.  I have to admit that I'm absolutely obsessed with some of the dresses you can rent, and there's no way I would ever EVER spend that much on them.  I like that they would look designer/expensive, since they actually are!  No concerns about fabric quality or anything like that.

There are lots of very fancy short dresses under $50 to rent and plenty of floor-length gowns under $100 to rent. Either of those would work for these events.  The men all wear tuxes, but the women do break the rules with short dresses if they are obviously very fancy (beaded, embellished, etc). 

I just rented a cute knee length dress and a statement necklase for $50 for one of our June weddings. most the dresses I have in my closet from Kohl's, Macy's etc. that I've worn to weddings in the past cost at least that and they're no where near as nice.

sugarygoodness

Awesome! My husband and I attend a few black tie functions every year. I bought him a tuxedo on ebay from a rental company that went out of business. It is Dior and quite beautiful. We paid under $100 for the entire set (including cufflinks). I use rent the runway and I have been really happy with them. I have also purchased some dresses through ebay (I choose designers I know I like and that I know my size in--Badgley Mischka and Nicole Miller). You also might want to try LikeTwice and ThredUp--I have sold some of my formal dresses through those websites.