Need advice re: sister/BIL

ReadytoRun77

Need advice on how to politely tell BIL that his marriage will never work and it's time to save some dignity and move on.

In February, my BIL found out that my sister has had SEVERAL affairs.  Long story short...  2nd marriage for both. Started off great- seemed very happy and in love.  Have two beautiful, healthy little girls (6 and 3).  Fast forward to February when a "friend" of my sister's turned on her and told my BIL about the SEVERAL affairs my sister has had.  One lasted several months (he is married as well) but many are just "flings" or one-night stands.  Bottom line, my sister is a very independent, selfish person.  She likes attention.  She's confident and very outgoing- attracts the opposite sex.  BIL is insecure and emotionally needy.  She is a rock when it comes to feelings.  They just aren't compatible, IMO.

Here's the problem... A few weeks ago she told BIL she wanted to give their marriage a chance and go back to counseling.  But then a week later she went out with a friend, took off her wedding ring (AND LOST IT!!) and went home with a guy.  today I found out she's been "chatting" with another one.  She clearly does NOT want this marraige to work. When I confront her about WHY she is behaving this way, she tells me that she has told BIL that she wants to separate, but then he beats her down to agreeing to counseling.  (Which gives him false hopes, obviously.)

Obviously BIL is NOT ready to let go.  He tells me that God wants them to be together and they need to work on their marriage.  She gives in to him and agrees to counseling- gets his hopes up - and then BAM, cheats again.  I've told him that he looks weak and pathetic and needs to go to counseling.  I've asked him how much longer he's going to let her do this to him.  Don't get me wrong- I love my sister, but I completely agree that what she's doing is wrong.  Meanwhile, my BIL is in DENIAL.  He's like talking to a brick wall.  He says he made a vow and is going to keep it.  

I suggested counseling and he said he quit the last counselor because she basically told him that he needs to divorce his wife.  WHAT DO I SAY TO HIM?  I'm at my wits end.  He texts my daily (as well as my parents) asking for advice.  What is the right thing to say?  What will make things click with him?  How do I get him to realize that NOT all marriages are meant to be.  I'm exhausted.

magsugar13

You tell him nothing and MYOB!

You tell him this is between your sisiter and him.

You tell him you love him,but if he wants to conitnue being married to a wife who can keep off others guys that is his choice, but you dont want to hear about ti anymore.

You tell him to get to a Dr. and get tested for stds.

and then you tell him goodbye no more conversations about HIS marriage.

RevJen

What mag said. Stay out of their marriage.

joleri23

Do yourself a favor and stay out of it, and tell him you're staying out of it.

englishtrish1

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Set some boundaries

Disneygeek77

By continuing to engage with him, you are also giving him false hope too.  

Keep all conversations short and say you are not discussing his marriage anymore and stick to it.  If you have to block his number, than so be it.  He needs all communication to pretty much stop at this point for him to truly get it.  Anything else will give him hope.

He also needs to get checked for STDs.  Honestly, that was the breaking point for my friend.  Having to wait several days for the results to come back was enough for her to say " Nope, never again."

VOR

Yeah... stay out of their marriage.  STOP talking to BIL about it.  Stop.  And stop "exhausting" yourself.  They are 2 grown adults who can live their life and make choices as they see fit.  If they want to keep "trying", then that's on them, not you.

Why are you SO involved, why are you taking it so personally that he's not listening to you? 

BACK AWAY.

Sisugal

MYOB
Has your sister been checked for a mental health issue?