Need advice.

mrskimm09

Please no judging. This is tough to even type. My DH needs an attitude adjustment. Ever since B turned 3, his temper is so short. Its so shocking to me. He was not like this before. Myself, family members and friends have all said he needs to go to a parenting class or meetings or something but he just thinks we are attacking him and I just don't know what to do anymore. We both want more children but I am terrified to go through this with another child added to the mix. I have told him over and over that he needs to relax or he will have a heart attack one day. He just walks away and 10-15 minutes later he is completely fine again. I just don't get it. Is there any suggestions I could do to help him relax?? Thank you. 

BlueBirdMB

I think we need more specifics.  What situations make him lose his temper?  How does he react?

Xstatic3333

I agree about more specifics.  I will add that sometimes, not always, very short temper can be a symptom of clinical depression.  I had a friend who was suffering and since this was her primary symptom, it took a while for her doctor and her family to catch it.  Once they did, she was on medication for a few years and got her life back, but in the lag time between starting the behavior and the diagnosis her friendships were really affected.  

Now I'm just speculating on one particular cause here; there are any number of other things it could be.  But if it really is a sudden switch that there has been no other warning for in your relationship, my first impulse would be medical.  

Is he only short with your son, or with adults/at work as well?  Have there been any other changes at home?

BlueBirdMB

How was his childhood?  This happened with my father.  My parents almost ended up divorced because my mother was horrified at how he acted with me.  He started therapy when I was 5 years old and honestly, he never made a huge breakthrough.  What did come to light was his childhood of abuse that he had been lying to himself about.  The therapist also recommended that when there was even the smallest issue with me, he should let my mother handle it.  As a result, I feel much much closer to my mother than my father.  He was physically there, but emotionally absent, which was his way of controlling his temper.  

angelmr2

He is most likely stressed about something else. Although my husband and I don't have kids he got this way too, very shorty and very aggressive responses and things out of nowhere. He was never like this before. We've been married for three years.

I found out, after talking to him about it and not telling him what he needs to do, that he was very stressed at work. He didn't tell me about any of it because he was worried about making me worry about our home life and future due to possible company restructuring.

It sucks now because there really is nothing I can do to alleviate his stress, but I think it helps knowing he isn't hiding what's upsetting him anymore and that I can try to take his mind off of it by asking only once about how his day was. Now if he brings up concerns about work we can discuss further if he would like to relocate, find a new job, etc.

I think you should just talk to him to see what the root of it is. I understand using family and friends as a support network, but I would feel attacked if my husband came to me with others about a way I was behaving. You guys are a team, try to talk to him first Best luck.