What to do?

bri123abc

My husband is having his 40th birthday soon and so I emailed my family and siblings a mass email where I CC'd them.

I did not email any of their spouses or include them in the email as I just assumed of course they were invited and that my siblings would talk about it with their spouses and let me know. However I did not mention that in the email.

When I asked my brother if he and his family were coming I was told his wife was not as she did not feel invited.

I am totally blown away. Of course she is invited, and she is my only in law who assumed that.

My questions are: Should I have included my siblings families in my email? Is she overreacting or does her reaction make sense? What should I do now?

Thanks so much 

Disneygeek77

Oh no, not you again.  No, your SIL is not rude, you are.  For the record, every time you come here asking if you or your SIL is in the wrong, just assume it is you.  She will never feel invited to your home because you are rude to her.  

catsareniice1

Why didn't you send real invitations? Problem solved. You might have another problem not everyone checks their email.

VOR

WIth your history with her, of course she may assume she isn't invited.  Is it that hard to say in the email "This is to invite you and your SO to DHs party" or "I hope you and SO can make it!".  Something, anything, to make it clear?

Because, really, you do NOT seem to understand basic etiquette or how to be gracious so I could ABSOLUTELY see how she might think you would actually NOT invite spouses. 

But I doubt you'll understand that. 

dutchgirl76

Disneygeek77 said:

Oh no, not you again.  No, your SIL is not rude, you are.  For the record, every time you come here asking if you or your SIL is in the wrong, just assume it is you.  She will never feel invited to your home because you are rude to her.  

No, I don't think it's the same one, I posted a while back with a similar issue on a different board (so maybe this isn't aimed at me?), however my SIL and I are fine now. I followed up to my post that we spoke and cleared the air. I'm not, (and I doubt this person here) is the kind of person who would keep coming back hoping for a different answer as it won't change anything.

To VOR's point, that's what I said in my original post that the texts my husband kept receiving from SIL saying "hope you can make it" not you and wife's name can make it. Yes I blew it out of proportion, however my SIL and I had issues for years about other stuff so that was the final straw to finally say something. I also wasn't aware people are lazier now and just use "you" to mean everyone in their family. 

I agree that sending real invitations is the best way to go, but apparently I'm old fashioned. I can't trust my husband to remember to tell me about upcoming events, especially when we work different schedules and don't see each other for a couple of days. Should he forward the text to me sure, but his sister could add me to the group text too. My BIL's  often forget to tell their wives about events too, between life going on and just being men I find it's easier to tell the spouse, whoever is the most responsible in the relationship if you want everyone to go and feel invited.

Disneygeek77

If you read the OP'S post history you will understand why I said what I did.

VOR

dutchgirl76 said:

Disneygeek77 said:

Oh no, not you again.  No, your SIL is not rude, you are.  For the record, every time you come here asking if you or your SIL is in the wrong, just assume it is you.  She will never feel invited to your home because you are rude to her.  

No, I don't think it's the same one, I posted a while back with a similar issue on a different board (so maybe this isn't aimed at me?), however my SIL and I are fine now. I followed up to my post that we spoke and cleared the air. I'm not, (and I doubt this person here) is the kind of person who would keep coming back hoping for a different answer as it won't change anything.

To VOR's point, that's what I said in my original post that the texts my husband kept receiving from SIL saying "hope you can make it" not you and wife's name can make it. Yes I blew it out of proportion, however my SIL and I had issues for years about other stuff so that was the final straw to finally say something. I also wasn't aware people are lazier now and just use "you" to mean everyone in their family. 

I agree that sending real invitations is the best way to go, but apparently I'm old fashioned. I can't trust my husband to remember to tell me about upcoming events, especially when we work different schedules and don't see each other for a couple of days. Should he forward the text to me sure, but his sister could add me to the group text too. My BIL's  often forget to tell their wives about events too, between life going on and just being men I find it's easier to tell the spouse, whoever is the most responsible in the relationship if you want everyone to go and feel invited.

Huh?  Are you also posting as bri123abc or are you explaining yourself in regards to another totally unrelated post?

if you AREN'T trolling as bri, then ditto disney - bri has a very specific posting history and she keeps asking the same damn shit and keeps getting the same damn answers.

GilliC

Everyone's favorite troll!

bri123abc said:

My husband is having his 40th birthday soon and so I emailed my family and siblings a mass email where I CC'd them.

I did not email any of their spouses or include them in the email as I just assumed of course they were invited and that my siblings would talk about it with their spouses and let me know. However I did not mention that in the email.

When I asked my brother if he and his family were coming I was told his wife was not as she did not feel invited.

I am totally blown away. Of course she is invited, and she is my only in law who assumed that.

My questions are: Should I have included my siblings families in my email? Is she overreacting or does her reaction make sense? What should I do now?

Thanks so much 

Should I have included my siblings families in my email? It's not really necessary. Anyone with a healthy relationship with their in-laws would likely assume they were invited.

Is she overreacting or does her reaction make sense? Her reaction completely makes sense, since usually you would probably include her explicitly to say "No, SIL, you can't come because I'm a twatwaffle who hates you."

What should I do now? I'd suggest finding a bridge next to a field of goats.

dutchgirl76

VOR said:

dutchgirl76 said:

Disneygeek77 said:

Oh no, not you again.  No, your SIL is not rude, you are.  For the record, every time you come here asking if you or your SIL is in the wrong, just assume it is you.  She will never feel invited to your home because you are rude to her.  

No, I don't think it's the same one, I posted a while back with a similar issue on a different board (so maybe this isn't aimed at me?), however my SIL and I are fine now. I followed up to my post that we spoke and cleared the air. I'm not, (and I doubt this person here) is the kind of person who would keep coming back hoping for a different answer as it won't change anything.

To VOR's point, that's what I said in my original post that the texts my husband kept receiving from SIL saying "hope you can make it" not you and wife's name can make it. Yes I blew it out of proportion, however my SIL and I had issues for years about other stuff so that was the final straw to finally say something. I also wasn't aware people are lazier now and just use "you" to mean everyone in their family. 

I agree that sending real invitations is the best way to go, but apparently I'm old fashioned. I can't trust my husband to remember to tell me about upcoming events, especially when we work different schedules and don't see each other for a couple of days. Should he forward the text to me sure, but his sister could add me to the group text too. My BIL's  often forget to tell their wives about events too, between life going on and just being men I find it's easier to tell the spouse, whoever is the most responsible in the relationship if you want everyone to go and feel invited.

Huh?  Are you also posting as bri123abc or are you explaining yourself in regards to another totally unrelated post?

if you AREN'T trolling as bri, then ditto disney - bri has a very specific posting history and she keeps asking the same damn shit and keeps getting the same damn answers.

I'm not trolling as Bri, I have no idea who she is and I had no idea her history. As I mentioned I posted a similar topic on another board a few months back which has been resolved. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, I just assumed since some people post on multiple boards they thought I would try a new board for a different answer.

I do agree that asking over and over again won't change the answer. If you see that someone was offended speak to them directly and change what you're doing since it obviously isn't working.