New SIL

Sarahsings86

Hi Nesties

I have been lurking on these boards for a while now and finally decided to join and post. Seems like such an honest and open group here!

I have a question...I am recently married. 

I had a beautiful wedding day and this is what I am focusing on but something else really hurt and that is what I wanted to ask you all about.

I do not know my husband's sister too well and she was not in my wedding party simply because we did not have one. We also requested no speeches if possible.

At our reception she decided to give one anyhow. She made a joke about how she used to bug my husband while he was studying and said "Believe me I should know all about studying...I have a PhD". She excluded me from the speech and did not welcome me into the family.

This was very hurtful and unbelievable to me. Question: Is this a person with issues that I should probably keep my distance from?

What would you all think?

chrisnjay05212010

Was she intoxicated at all? That would be my first question. If no speeches were planned and she took it upon herself to do one, weird!    Have you talked to your husband about her at all? Do you ever really spend time with her?

Honestly i wouldn't waste any time on thing about it.  The day has come and gone and try not to let it cloud your judgement of her the next time you see her. 

Congrats by the way!! 

Sarahsings86

thanks chrisnjay! and thanks so much for your advice!

To answer your questions she didn't appear to be intoxicated. I haven't really talked to my husband about her because I just wanted to focus on our day with him:) Also, I haven't had much of a chance to get to know his family too well as we met, got engaged and then married rather quickly.

I have tried to get together with her and include her in my wedding in other ways...she was invited to my bachelorette party my girlfriends threw me and she declined. We invited her to a dinner where our families could meet and get to know one another beforehand and she declined. We also included her by having her do some of our ceremony readings:) 

BlueBirdMB

If she wasn't drunk, then she was just trying to get attention.  

My SIL was in our wedding party and there wasn't a single picture of her from that day when she didn't have a giant puss on her face, including the entire ceremony.  Then she cried at the reception.  It was like my husband had died. 

It didn't ruin my day even slightly.  It wasn't important and this shouldn't be important to you.  It should, however, be a warning sign to you to keep your guard up a bit with her.  It sounds like your husband doesn't have much of a relationship with her if you didn't really spend much time with her before you got married, so you shouldn't have to deal with her much moving forward.

aboxofchocolates

I'm honestly not trying to be rude in any way but I don't see the big deal. I feel like everyone has something that goes wrong or is weird at their wedding and you just smile and move on What I'm interested in finding out is why are you not close with your in laws? You said you got married fast. How fast? Is your husband close with his family?

Disneygeek77

Yeah it was obnoxious, but I wouldn't avoid her because of it.

als1982

You are completely over thinking this. It was weird, but not something you should even be concerned about now that your wedding is over.

joleri23

It sounds like she was just looking for attention. Try not to take this as a personal slight. She would have done it to anyone your husband chose to marry. It's her issue, not yours, and I agree with @bluebirdmd: definitely keep your guard up with her.

Sarahsings86

thanks so much everyone:) 

VOR

Yeah, overthinking.  There isn't a set "wedding speech".  It doesn't HAVE to be about "welcoming you to the family!".  Were her motives questionable?  Perhaps.  But don't make this into anything more than it needs to be.  Don't make this the "thing" that defines your relationship with her. 

short+sassy

I agree with the other PPs.  Dr. All-Eyes-On-Me sounds like she has a personality that craves attention and the limelight.  Some people are just like that.  I mean, even the example you gave of her speech was more about herself...look at me and my PhD...than it even was about your H.

You're really being a bit unfair, I mean, how is she supposed to remember to include the bride in her speech about herself?  Isn't it enough that she remembered to include her brother?  Sarcasm, of course .

But, seriously, don't take this personally at all.  People are often awkward with speeches anyway.  At least from what you said in your post, I'm not picking up that she was purposely trying to be alienating.  She might not have much interest in getting to know you.  That's possible.  But as long as she is polite and pleasant to you on the occasions when the two of you are in the same place, I think that is about all you can ask for.