How do you keep up with everything?

ryanthegirl

So I had a mini meltdown over the weekend over household stuff. I just feel like I'm always chasing my tail. I feel so stressed out all the time, it's making me miserable.

I work 40+ hours a week (and have a 1 hour commute each way, including daycare pickup and drop off). Casey works roughly 60 hours a week - and due to his schedule is not there in the morning nor evening to help out. I'm having the hardest time managing everything right now. I feel like I try to crowbar everything in to the weekend and inevitably fail.

I guess what I'm asking is, what strategies have you employed that have helped you? I know my circumstance is slightly different since I'm solo with G Monday through most of Saturday while Casey is working, but any advice is greatly appreciated. 

Here's a run down of my typical day.

6am - Wake up, get myself ready

7am - Wake up G, if he's not already up, change, brush teeth, breakfast (when he feels like eating it)

8am- Out the door

9am-5pm - Work

6:00-6:30 - arrive home, depending on traffic, try to make dinner or reheat something I've cooked ahead of time

7pm-8pm - eat dinner, play with/entertain G

8pm-9pm - bath and bed time routine

9pm - exhausted, EXHAUSTED

Am I missing an opportunity to actually accomplish something other than basic survival? I really don't feel like doing laundry at 9pm, which really means until 11pm with the wash/dry cycle times.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed, as usual. I guess I could use that 7pm-8pm window to get some thing done, but I it's my first opportunity to spend any time with G.

I do work from home on Tuesdays and depending on my level of business I can use that day to get a lot of laundry done.

Thanks in advance!

rona118

You are not alone my friend..... I feel this way all the time also. I thank god I am not OCD about cleaning etc. I do have a cleaning person once a week and I still feel this way. I feel a smidge more relaxed now that Madi is out of school. I felt like this year when she went to kinder it brought on even more things to keep track of! And I work from home 2 days a week also. Those days I feel even more stressed to get some laundry done etc. And my hubby is home and travels way less than he did about 2 years ago. Hang in there and I say just get done what you can. I know way easier said than done and I have no room to talk. Try not to stress. 

bride2003

Balls in the air - all.the.time.  Constant juggle trying to get little things done any moment I can.  My father in law was laughing on Sat b/c in the middle of our garage sale, when it wasn't busy I grabbed my gardening stuff and started weeding around the house.  I mean, if I don't do it when I have a minute I won't have time later. 

Not having a helping partner though would be much harder so hugs to you.  I read alot about making more time for yourself and I always laugh and think - when would I sleep?  But, if you can, make most of the time when you are your most productive.  For me that's early am.  And while I haven't started yet being able to get up at 5 consistently, its my goal.  I do get up and exercise 30 mins in am b/c if I don't I won't do it.  I try to set aside some mornings to straighten up, finish laundry etc..

Pre making meals helps if you can do that along with leaving stuff to weekends.  We have a cleaning lady every other week for large stuff.   Again, I get up early while kids & husband sleep so I can get what I need done.  I also go to sleep much earlier then my husband as well.  Its hard but working 100 hours between both of you doesn't leave alot of time for anything else than what you are already doing.

smynings_bride

Your schedule sounds like mine except I rarely can work from home.  Some weeks we feel like we are on a treadmill and cannot stop running.  I wish I knew the secret.   I just do my best to find shortcuts--curbside express saves time with grocery shopping, dry cleaner that delivers, take out 1x a week, leftovers at least 1x a week, cleaning lady once every 2 weeks.  I buy veggies already cut up, microwaveable rice,I get a rotisserie chicken most weeks to help stretch meals for DD, crockpot.  I make a box of pasta all at once so I have pasta cooked during the week that just needs to be heated.  We put laundry on the timer so it gets done right when we get home so we then throw it in the dryer.  I also only bathe DD every other night and sometimes less in the winter.  I've resorted to dry shampoo in a pinch to save time.

Luckystar2

I feel like this a lot. I try to just let go of house stuff!! The last month has sucked because we have had weekends of guests, being out of town and parties. I've had to keep up on cleaning much more and it's driving me crazy.

I do appreciate that dh helps. I cook and he dies dishes so that helps. Back when he traveled for work it was a pain.

I don't know any secrets. I feel stressed all the time! I want time to work out after dd goes to bed and want time to hang out with dh and time to do stuff I like (read, etc). But there's barely any time to do anything most nights! Just commiserating!

waltsgirl102503

I have relaxed a lot on household things.  Our house is clean,  but not spotless.  our meals are usually boring and don't involve a lot of prep - grilled chicken and rice.   I also keep to a schedule, esp with laundry.  I'm home on Wednesdays, so I do laundry Wed and Sun. (usually we're home just relaxing on Sundays).   This way I only have a couple smallish loads to wash instead of mounds.  It keeps it manageable.  Also, if I miss a day, then I'll have everything ready to go (clothes in washer, detergent already poured in), so when I walk in the house after work, I can turn the washer on.  I also will have the kids help - give them a swiffer duster or the swiffer and let them clean with me.  It may not be as clean as I would do it, but it's better than nothing.  

Now that schools out, are there any neighborhood girls that you could pay to come over as a mother's helper?   An hour or two a week - she could entertain G while you get a few things done.  Also, as someone with older kids, I will say it does get easier.   Now that they're 10 and 5 on a Saturday afternoon I can go old school on them and kick them out of the house on a nice day.  "Sorry!  The house is closed today, I'm cleaning!"   And I make them go outside to play so I can get things done without them messing it up.    Hang in there!

MrsAmers

I think we all get this way from time to time, no matter how much it may appear that we “have it all together”. I generally find that when I’m extra tired or stressed out about something else, any messiness at home bothers me that much more. Vicious cycle.

I try to accept that I’ll probably never be caught up on everything. If I’m caught up on dishes, then there is laundry to do. If I’m caught up on straightening up the first floor, there is more to do upstairs, etc, etc. There is always more to do, and if I only focus on that, I will be miserable. Lowering standards and knowing that in many ways this particular problem will get somewhat easier as the kids get older. They require less focused attention and they can help more.

When things are extra busy, I try to focus on what HAS to be done (we have to have clean, weather-appropriate clothes to wear), put energy into the things that make life easier (if the kids clothes are folded and put away, they do a better job of getting themselves ready in the morning), and let go of things that are not critical (I prefer if my clothes are folded, hung up and put away…but I can live out of a laundry basket if the choice is between folding laundry and getting sleep).

Find ways of breaking up tasks, so you don’t need two hour chunks to get things done. For example, I put a load of laundry in at 9pm. In the morning, I move it from the washer to the dryer. That night I bring it upstairs and maybe fold it. This week, I was able to cobble together meals for Sunday to Friday using things we already have plus a quick trip to the market mid-week. That saved me a Sunday night grocery trip, and I can usually manage that once a month. Or, when you see something that needs to be done, just do it, but don’t let it lead to an hour long project. If there is toothpaste in the sink, just wipe out the sink, but don’t then start cleaning the whole bathroom.

What can G help you do? Can he help do anything for dinner? Help fold laundry or dust or clean bathrooms? Take 15-20 minutes to do a household task together and then take 15-20 minutes to play. Use that time from 6/6:30-9pm to the best of your advantage. If you can get him to play independently once or twice a week, then you can get a few things done (Or zone out and relax. Really. You need it!). I get that you want to enjoy time with G. That’s great. But he’s old enough that you don’t need to put pressure on yourself to “entertain him”. He’s big enough to play independently, and you will enjoy playing with him more if you are not stretched so thin.

Also, about once a week, we eat as a family in front of the TV and watch a movie or several shows. It gives all of us much needed downtime to get through the bedtime routine with more patience. Sometimes I fold laundry or straighten the living room while the kids watch.

And ultimately, lower your standards. We hire someone to clean our house once a month. I only touch the vacuum in the case of a big mess, and during the summer we eat on the front porch, so there are fewer big messes to clean up. I wipe down the kitchen once a week. I do other things as I think they are needed, but the basic cleaning is covered by someone else. There may be someone appalled that our house is cleaned so infrequently. But before I hired someone, it was getting cleaned even less. ;-)

ryanthegirl

Thank you all so much for the suggestions and the commiseration! It's good to know I'm not alone. And I'm sorry so many of us put this pressure on ourselves.

I actually made a schedule last night and I think it's something I can stick to relatively well. And Amy, thank you, you're right! I did get G involved last night (with putting towels in the washer) and it was great. It took longer than it would have w/o his "help" but at least I was able to get it done during his waking hours. Today all of my towels are clean and I'm going to fold and put them away when I take my lunch (I'm working from home today). I'm also going to attempt to prep dinner for tonight and brown ground beef for another dinner this week.

I've toyed with hiring a cleaning person and/or mother's helper but I really think it's just my reluctance to do anything with G around. My house is smallish and my kitchen and bathroom are little, they really don't take much time to clean. G is always busy and always trying to escape out my front or back door (my parents live next door so he's always trying to visit). Things tend to take a lot longer with his involvement, but I'm going to try to tackle some of this stuff either with his "help" or while he entertains himself (he's not very good at that). 

I sincerely thank you ladies who took the time to reply. I'm just so stressed and overwhelmed that I've shut down, in regard to house stuff. I just have to give myself some grace, lower my standards, and do what I can. Thank you again!

ryanthegirl

Oh also, when Casey is home, he's works just as hard as I do. I don't want it to come off as though he leaves this all to me, it's just with the hours he works he cannot do these things. Like yesterday, for example, he started work at 5:30am and got home at 9:30pm. 

He used to have longer stretches off between jobs and that was a mixed blessing (financially) but now he's working consistently through the year, also a mixed blessing. The current job he's on runs May through November so it's a long haul.

amyjoy18

I hear you!  DH is a SAH/WFH dad so he helps out a ton with regards to making dinner.  He also does a great job on stuff outside of the house, not so much with the dishes, cleaning, laundry (although if I yell enough he'll keep up with it for a few days :-P).  Here are some tricks I use now/used when we were both working outside of the home.

When the kids get a bath, I clean the rest of the bathroom.  I can easily get the toilet, floors, sink, mirror all cleaned while they're in the tub.  Then I can quickly clean the tub after they're done.  I also use this time to sit in the bathroom and fold laundry.  It might work if you threw a load of laundry into the washer before leaving for work, and then into the dryer when you got home to fold later.

I'll usually make a nice meal on Saturday/Sunday, but the rest of the week it's crock pot stuff, leftovers or quick meals.  Less/easier cooking during the week also usually means fewer dishes, which are the bane of my existence.  I can't for the life of me keep up with the loading/unloading of the dishwasher and usually have to do 2 runs on Saturday to get caught up--giving each of the kids a chance to put the silverware away. :-P

I need my downtime in the evenings, and would love to veg out on the couch all night after the kids are in bed, but I do try to at least get up during the commercial breaks to do something small, like sweep the floors, put stuff away, sort laundry, tackle those dishes, dust, etc.

But mostly I'm resigned to the fact that I just can't get it all done, so like the others, I pick the stuff that makes me feel the best, makes my life easier.

csuave

Kudos to all of the moms.  I feel exhausted at times and don't even have LO's to worry about, I don't know how y'all do it.

Not much to add to others.  I agree that a cleaning person is so worth it.  Ask for help if needed and if you know someone in a position to help you (H, Mom, sister, etc.).  I felt overwhelmed so I told H I needed a break and he did all the cleaning for a month by himself.  I too spread laundry out in steps.  I also try to do one or two small things when I am getting ready for work.

Is G old enough to do any of these?  Gather up small trash cans/consolidate trash before trash day; fold some laundry like towels, underwear and socks (or at least sort and match up socks); put away clean silverware; clip coupons.

northhillsbride

Ditto the others' suggestions with hiring someone to help (even if it's just to play with G for an hour at a time), lowering household cleaning expectations, etc.

I was so lucky to be able to WFH full-time with my last job (well, mixed blessing bc I felt I was being pulled to do so much more multi-tasking while on conference calls, etc.), but now that I started a job outside of the house again, it's been tough finding a new balance.

If it's really needed, I will run a wash as soon as I wake up and either throw it in the dryer before I leave or wait to run the dryer to when I get home. I also will have the kids collect their dirty clothes and throw them in the washer as soon as I get home so that I can have clothes dry and ready to fold at 8 or 8:30p when I'm sitting down.

I do work from home now 1-2 days a week, so I'll run to the grocery store at lunch, if I need to, or I just make sure DH and I meal plan on the weekends and pickup everything at the store then. (DH likes to cook and is home at 5p bc he works nights.)

Cleaning gets done on the weekends, though now with the Summer, my older two are home with me on Fridays. Conall (5) is obsessed with the vacuum, so he does that on Friday mornings before DH gets home and Gavin (8) works the Swiffer. They also dust the main rooms (as best as they can) and will run the duster through the window blinds. They get an allowance depending on how much cleaning they got done.

We do prefer to save money and do things ourselves (like leaning, mowing) even though we good get a landscaping company in once a week for like $30. However, we have started outsourcing some things (like the Spring cleaning of the beds, mulching, etc.). Granted, landscapers are a dime a dozen down here and quite affordable.

Finally, I'll take a 2-3 hr chunk of time on the weekend to run errands by myself, which not only goes faster bc I'm alone, but it's also "me" time. I'll get a Starbucks and just take my time!

You're doing great, Ryan - just know you're not alone. Life is just so busy and then Moms / women also put added stress on our own shoulders to manage everything. Make sure to remember to do something for YOU when you can.