Kids/Friends

amyjoy18

At what age did your kids really start making friends? 

DD is really social and outgoing, but she had a really difficult time in Kindergarten.  She was bored, hated it, didn't want to talk about it.  I tried talking to her teacher about it on multiple occasions (the school and social aspects), but to be honest, her teacher didn't seem to care.  When I asked specifically how DD was doing socially, she replied with "She doesn't bully anyone". :-/

Even in preschool, DD came home and said she felt lonely at school.

Kindergarten picnic day she came home and said that no one would play with her :-(.  Last day of school she came home excited because she got to play with 2 girls from dance on the playground.  Both of those girls were in 3rd grade.  Last night, she was excited to go to dance to see those two girls (who are in an older dance class).  She gets along with the girls in her own class--but they don't seem to be making friendships.  I've also watched her with the older girls, and they genuinely seem to like DD. 

But I'm kind of worried that she doesn't make friends her own age. 

Luckystar2

I think every kid is different. Dd has always seemed to be good at making friends. She became pretty good friends with a group of girls in daycare around age 3 and they are still friends now. She makes random friends at the playground, etc. and has made friends in kindergarten/1st grade. It's just her personality and she is an only child. I think that really forces her to make friends.

One of Dd's friends isnt big on making friends. Her mom said she didn't know who to invite to her bday besides the few girls from daycare that have been friends since 3...because her dd never seems to talk about any kids at school. But her dd seems happy and content just not big into making friends.

I don't think its a big deal to have slightly older friends. If they all like playing together then I wouldn't worry about that. I guess I would have some concerns though if she is saying nobody will play with her. But its hard to tell when they tell you these things. Are kids just not playing wth her even though she is trying or is she really shy and avoiding the kids? I would have asked the teacher too. I guess at this point I'd see how things go in 1st grade and talk with the teacher. Hopefully she/he will be more helpful.

Can you try doing some social things over the summer for dd and see how she does? Try and do some play dates maybe with the older girls. But try seeing how she interacts with new kids on the playground, etc.

amyjoy18

Luckystar2 said:

I think every kid is different. Dd has always seemed to be good at making friends. She became pretty good friends with a group of girls in daycare around age 3 and they are still friends now. She makes random friends at the playground, etc. and has made friends in kindergarten/1st grade. It's just her personality and she is an only child. I think that really forces her to make friends. One of Dd's friends isnt big on making friends. Her mom said she didn't know who to invite to her bday besides the few girls from daycare that have been friends since 3...because her dd never seems to talk about any kids at school. But her dd seems happy and content just not big into making friends. I don't think its a big deal to have slightly older friends. If they all like playing together then I wouldn't worry about that. I guess I would have some concerns though if she is saying nobody will play with her. But its hard to tell when they tell you these things. Are kids just not playing wth her even though she is trying or is she really shy and avoiding the kids? I would have asked the teacher too. I guess at this point I'd see how things go in 1st grade and talk with the teacher. Hopefully she/he will be more helpful. Can you try doing some social things over the summer for dd and see how she does? Try and do some play dates maybe with the older girls. But try seeing how she interacts with new kids on the playground, etc.

Dd isn't shy at all--in most instances she tends to stand out as a leader.  In this instances I did ask if they wouldn't play with her/let her play, or if they just didn't want to play what she wanted to play--which could have been an issue.  She said they wouldn't let her play. 

When she was in daycare, she seemed to have no trouble making friends.  Granted, again, they were all a year older than her, but I chalked it up to actually having a significant amount of playtime--where as in her half-day kindergarten it was all work all the time. 

She signed up for cheer leading which starts this summer.  And all of the kids on her squad will be 7 and under (she's 6)--so I think that will be an opportunity for her.  I guess I'm just worried that if she struggles to make friends with kids her own age, in her own class, school will be difficult/not fun for her. 

Kindergarten was rough for her, and I want 1st grade to be different.  She's a really smart kid, she should love school. 

billiburrows

my son is 5.5 and is really an extrovert but even still the friend thing is really a challenge and upsetting to me too. we just moved into a new neighborhood with lots of kids. they all seemed to be getting along great and playing. they were all different ages. then my son would come home saying 'they're all mean, i'm done with them'. and he wasn't really sad. just matter of fact about it! he wouldn't elaborate.  i think he wants everyone to play his way and doesn't have the social ability yet to understand how playing together really works.  the kids don't come around much to play now (i also haven't really seen them- i think vacations and sports are a big part of that too) but when they do i find myself saying thanks and telling them he is little and still learning how to play with friends.....  i find that he plays best with older kids who let him do what he wants and go along with it or if they are his age and doing the exact same things he wants to do. 

it is hard for me to watch him going through this.  he loves being social and loves having friends but then just as quickly can argue with them and be done with them. i want him to be socially accepted on the new street and not come across as a jerk or weirdo! 

smynings_bride

I have a similiar concern about my DD who is entering kindergarten this fall and will turn 5 at the end of August.  She's an extrovert and natural leader but seems to alway be playing by herself at school and spends time coloring when she's alone.  DD seems to do better with older girls and with adults.  I think part of the problem is that she may be too bossy and the older girls are better at putting her in her place so she's not bossy with them.  I'm trying to schedule more playdates over the summer so I can watch more how she interacts with kids her own age.  I am hoping she'll get to an age where she hits her stride socially.  I think it takes some kids longer to figure out the friendship thing.