Update

CrazeRIRunner

hey ladies!

Just wanted to give an update.  I have found a great guy, who I can truly claim to be my other half.  We have been friends since October and officially together for almost 2 months.  Things are going great between the two of us and can see a future together.  I am planning on moving in with him by the end of the year, we already spend every night together taking turns going to each other's apartments.  My fall semester I have class until 10pm and my apartment is closer and do not want to drive an hour at 10 pm at night home.  He has the same goals and dreams as I do with a similar work ethic.  

With moving in together my financial goals will be able to be completed faster, as my half of rent is $300, and I just got a raise at work and expecting another later this year.  We do want to get married down the road and plan on saving up so it is paid all in cash (October 2018 is our goal).  I plan on doing a ton of DIY so we can spend money on the big things, like a honeymoon in Aruba (neither of us had a honeymoon for our first weddings), and we want a big party!

CrazeRIRunner

Oh and a running update:

I did the Newport 10 Miler (well the 2.2 mile fun run) and I managed to develop patellar tendinitis in my right knee and finally been approved to run again last week.  My next race is August 1st!

AprilZ81

I'm happy that you are happy!

FYI on the wedding planning... DIY =/= MM.  By the time you buy all the individual components and spend the time putting everything together it is often more expensive than hiring a professional. That being said there are a ton of ways to have a lovely, ettiquite approved wedding without spending a fortune.

vlagrl29

Congrats on all that exciting stuff going on!  We had a very beautiful wedding for only $7k and went to Hawaii for $3k.  I highly recommend a honeymoon registry if you each have your own household items like DH and I did.  We didn't need yet another toaster or bed sheets because we lived on our own separately for some time.

Xstatic3333

Congrats on everything!  I second April that DIY =/= cheap.  I found a place that had a reasonable package, and got a big discount for choosing a Friday evening (which worked for my closest friends and family).  Since I know we live in the same area, I'd actually caution against a honeymoon registry and instead just have a very small or no registry.  People tend to give cash around here anyway.  We actually registered for a lot of things but got much more in cash gifts (which we then used to complete our registry!)  

hoffse

Xstatic3333 said:

Congrats on everything!  I second April that DIY =/= cheap.  I found a place that had a reasonable package, and got a big discount for choosing a Friday evening (which worked for my closest friends and family).  Since I know we live in the same area, I'd actually caution against a honeymoon registry and instead just have a very small or no registry.  People tend to give cash around here anyway.  We actually registered for a lot of things but got much more in cash gifts (which we then used to complete our registry!)  

Ahh the regional differences. We invited around 300 people to our wedding. Didn't get enough cash to pay for one of our flights on our honeymoon. But got every single piece of china - including the coffee pot. And serving platters... If you need a serving platter or wine glasses, we've got you covered. I should take a picture of the wine glasses/crystal before we put them back in the kitchen - I would estimate we have over 50-60 stems. After we got married we had to start looking for houses so we would have a place to put all the stuff.

formerlyGDaisy09

Agreed that DIY does not necessarily equal MM. I would set a budget for your wedding and stick to it. Vendors will try to talk you into...oh you need x, y, and z...spend your money where it counts...The photographer, flowers (for the wedding party and front of the ceremony only), kepp everything else simple. pick a venue that isn't going to need a lot of dressing. the easiest ways to save money on a wedding is to limit the guest list and keep the wedding party small. 

the miss manner side of me cringes at the idea of a honeymoon registry. you've got lots of time to save, knowing that is one of your goals. we didn't go on a honeymoon until 2 years after our wedding, we were able to spend a week in jamaica for less than $3K.

Xstatic3333

hoffse said:

Xstatic3333 said:

Congrats on everything!  I second April that DIY =/= cheap.  I found a place that had a reasonable package, and got a big discount for choosing a Friday evening (which worked for my closest friends and family).  Since I know we live in the same area, I'd actually caution against a honeymoon registry and instead just have a very small or no registry.  People tend to give cash around here anyway.  We actually registered for a lot of things but got much more in cash gifts (which we then used to complete our registry!)  

Ahh the regional differences. We invited around 300 people to our wedding. Didn't get enough cash to pay for one of our flights on our honeymoon. But got every single piece of china - including the coffee pot. And serving platters... If you need a serving platter or wine glasses, we've got you covered. I should take a picture of the wine glasses/crystal before we put them back in the kitchen - I would estimate we have over 50-60 stems. After we got married we had to start looking for houses so we would have a place to put all the stuff.

That is too funny. The registry item I was most excited for was our nice everyday place settings at a very reasonable price point. We only got 2 out of 8, and one of my friends told me it was because they were "too boring." We just bought them ourselves after. I think fine china definitely would have been a nonstarter. The only gift category we really had luck with was kitchen gadgets/pots and pans.

als1982

I know this is completely unsolicited advice, but you have seemed to go pretty quickly from one man to another for financial stability. First your ex-H, then your father, now this new BF. I know life isn't easy, but I'd really encourage you to seek independent financial stability before jumping into marriage.

And I second others on the honeymoon registry. Yuck. And again just my honest and unsolicited opinion, but I personally wouldn't do any kind of registry for a second wedding. Sorry if that comes off as mean...

amhill87

I lived on my own since I left my ex husband.  My father only assisted me with tuition for school, I still had to pay all of my own living expenses, including getting money together for first and security at my apartment.  And once this degree is done I am footing the bill entirely for the rest of my schooling.  And when I was living with my ex husband I was the bread winner, and made double what he did every year.  In terms of my current relationship, we both pay for things and I am still focused on attaining my goals, (it will be easier with less living expenses).  My boyfriend has less than ideal credit so once my pay off loan is paid completely (I plan on having it paid off by the spring) we will be focused on getting his credit score up to be able to one day buy a house.

I am not expecting any showers for this wedding since it is a second wedding for both of us and did not plan on making one.  

amhill87

I forgot my password to CrazeRIRunner...so this is my original name I started with.

amhill87

And for the DIY it is mostly the decorations and flowers...cake, food, etc. is all going to different vendors.  I am a pinterest addict.

Sisugal

For second weddings, I think simple is the best way to go. I think a big bash with big $$ costs  is a poor financial  start your married life.
NO registries please.

Heck - get married at the JP, have a wonderful honeymoon and send out announcements when you get home.

Focus on the MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP- not the wedding.

amhill87

I agree with that and couldn't care how big the wedding is.  My boyfriend is the one who threw out the budget idea of that much (I could put together a great wedding for far less).  Based on how he has been with me I think he just wants to make sure our wedding day is perfect for us.

Sisugal

And isn't your boyfriend the one with less than good credit??   It is romantic to have him say he wants a "perfect wedding day" for the 2 of you, but that is not a perfect financial move for either of you. YOU may need to be the voice of good financial reasoning here.
Tell him to stop focusing on a perfect wedding day --- and focus on a sound, healthy relationship that endures the ups and downs and many challenges that life will throw your way.

vlagrl29

It was my 2nd wedding and dh's first so i went the wedding route for him.  I told everyone on my side not to give me gifts because they did the first time around.  We basically did a honeymoon registry and a small target registry for his side.  His side even thru us a couples shower.  Again, I told my side not to buy anything for us.  The wedding turned out beautiful and much more personal and memorable than my first so I'm glad I did it.

vlagrl29

a destination wedding sounds lovely to me.  Obviously probably close friends and family will be the only ones to go.

amhill87

We had gone out to eat for my birthday and it ended up bringing up conversation of prices.  The food at the restaurant was delicious but a bit pricey, and my boyfriend said when it was time for wedding planning I am in charge of picking the food because if he would see the prices he would freak and be like we can just buy food at walmart to feed everyone.  So I am planning a very nice budget wedding, and not going to hit our max budgets.

I would love to do a destination wedding or elope but we would have issues with family.

short+sassy

amhill87 said:

We had gone out to eat for my birthday and it ended up bringing up conversation of prices.  The food at the restaurant was delicious but a bit pricey, and my boyfriend said when it was time for wedding planning I am in charge of picking the food because if he would see the prices he would freak and be like we can just buy food at walmart to feed everyone.  So I am planning a very nice budget wedding, and not going to hit our max budgets.

I would love to do a destination wedding or elope but we would have issues with family.

Hey!  Nothing wrong with that!  Lots of people have nice, budget weddings by buying cheese/fruit trays, big bowls of salad, and/or cooking up a bunch of lasagnas, etc.

For my reception, we did something sort of in between that.  We had a restaurant cater...but didn't provide any waitstaff or anything like that.  They brought their trays of food, set them up buffet style, and left.  They also brought two signature cocktails and we provided all the rest of the beverages (water, various beers, wines, champagnes, sodas).  We also provided fruit/veggie trays we bought at Costco.  I think the restaurant charge ended up coming out to about $22/person...though it was a flat rate based on the specific food trays/drinks they brought.

One way to save on the cake is to have a smaller "pretty" wedding cake, with sheet cakes that are the same cake/frosting to serve to guests.

The Knot has a budget forum on there with a lot of great ideas on saving money, but still have a fantastic and properly hosted wedding.

formerlyGDaisy09

short+sassy said:

amhill87 said:

We had gone out to eat for my birthday and it ended up bringing up conversation of prices.  The food at the restaurant was delicious but a bit pricey, and my boyfriend said when it was time for wedding planning I am in charge of picking the food because if he would see the prices he would freak and be like we can just buy food at walmart to feed everyone.  So I am planning a very nice budget wedding, and not going to hit our max budgets.

I would love to do a destination wedding or elope but we would have issues with family.

Hey!  Nothing wrong with that!  Lots of people have nice, budget weddings by buying cheese/fruit trays, big bowls of salad, and/or cooking up a bunch of lasagnas, etc.

For my reception, we did something sort of in between that.  We had a restaurant cater...but didn't provide any waitstaff or anything like that.  They brought their trays of food, set them up buffet style, and left.  They also brought two signature cocktails and we provided all the rest of the beverages (water, various beers, wines, champagnes, sodas).  We also provided fruit/veggie trays we bought at Costco.  I think the restaurant charge ended up coming out to about $22/person...though it was a flat rate based on the specific food trays/drinks they brought.

One way to save on the cake is to have a smaller "pretty" wedding cake, with sheet cakes that are the same cake/frosting to serve to guests.

The Knot has a budget forum on there with a lot of great ideas on saving money, but still have a fantastic and properly hosted wedding.

So many ways you can do budget! shop around, look for new businesses. as comparison, we had 3 tables loaded with fruits, veggies, cheases, etc, and a sit-down served meal (salmon, chicken, steak or pasta) and did simple cupcakes insetad of cake and our total food cost was $27 a person. sometimes a served meal is cheaper than buffet because portions are highly controlled. I think our bar of Beer and wine (no cocktails) cost about $3,000 (115 people)...we did open bar the whole event 4-midnight and paid by consumption. 

all our vendors (including the venu, photographer, baker, florist, and DJ) were new to the wedding scene, their prices were lower (and work ethic potentially higher) than those vendors that had been doing weddings for a long time. 

vlagrl29

we went with a local grocery store (hyvee) and it was buffet with salad, 2 kinds of meat, and 2 sides at $8 per plate.  Super affordable and tasted really good!

blondie42107

We got a discount on our DJ and venue because our wedding date was "off season" for them. Our venue gave us caterer options (only certain ones are contracted to use their kitchen). We were able to find a good balance between amazing food options in our budget. Our table decor was mostly candles. Much cheaper than flowers.

brij2006

vlagrl29 said:

we went with a local grocery store (hyvee) and it was buffet with salad, 2 kinds of meat, and 2 sides at $8 per plate.  Super affordable and tasted really good!

HyVee does an amazing job with catering, and their cakes are to die for!  

We saved in many areas for our wedding.  Made our own decorations and flowers using fake ones, went with last years' model of a dress, had very simplistic centerpieces, small tiered cake for display with sheet cakes in back, no champaign for toasting, etc.  

There are plenty of ways to save while still having a classy wedding.

vlagrl29

we were also able to negotiate pretty much everything because DH has been in the wedding photography business for 13 years so he pulled lots of strings.  People thought we easily spent 20k on our wedding but we didn't.  I did splurge on my wedding dress because I didn't want anything white.  It was 1950s style - cream color, tea length, empire waist with belt, silver, copper, and gold sparkles.  It was totally me and was retailing at $1500, but I got it for $1k.  Didn't buy a veil or need undergarments so saved money there.

splotch716

I got a ton of discounts by finding vendors at the wedding shows. I knew what I would splurge on, photography, and what I didn't really care that much about, flowers. However, you do get what you pay for. My cake lady made delicious cupcakes and only charged $120 for a 120 serving cake. However, she didn't put any supports in it and we had to stop eating dinner and cut the cake because it was falling over. We were supposed to get a partial refund and a one year anniversary cake. We never received either. But it makes a good story to tell.

amhill87

I plan on finding ways to be as budget as possible while still having a big classy wedding.  The thought of actually spending $20k on one day is already stressing me out.  I will make it look like we spent a ton without spending a ton.  And we have plenty of time to shop.  Our wedding date is planned for October 20, 2018 (I wanted a special date to us for our wedding date and October 20th is the day we started talking and that year it falls on a Saturday).

Sisugal

This is not meant to be offensive in any way ----
Please remember that no one other than the two people getting married care about the details of your wedding -- what you wear, what you eat, decorations, etc, etc.etc.
They only care about the people who are getting married and want them to have a happy, health relationship going forward.  The details DO NOT MATTER --- so STOP stressing over them .
No one will care if you have a BBQ in your backyard or a multi course dinner at an expensive location.

amhill87

I know...but I am a perfectionist, so anything I plan has to have all the details planned to perfection.  All the guests loved my first wedding plans so I have an idea to beat.  And I know that is not right of me to pit my second wedding over my first because they are both 2 different people and my current boyfriend has a much more compatible personality with me than my ex husband.

lbonga1

FI and I haven't set a date yet for our wedding, but I've already been planning a bit. We originally wanted to have a destination wedding, but we know it would make our families happy to be there. A lot of them wouldn't be able to swing the travel cost. So we're going to have a small wedding and reception here too. I found a clubhouse owned by the city with a beautiful courtyard, and they only charge $86/hour with a $250 deposit. I think I read that tables and chairs were included too. And I found a tailor that does beautiful replica work, and they quoted me only $650 to redo a Vera Wang dress that I love. So there are definitely great deals out there; you just have to search for them.

AprilZ81

lbonga1 said:

FI and I haven't set a date yet for our wedding, but I've already been planning a bit. We originally wanted to have a destination wedding, but we know it would make our families happy to be there. A lot of them wouldn't be able to swing the travel cost. So we're going to have a small wedding and reception here too. I found a clubhouse owned by the city with a beautiful courtyard, and they only charge $86/hour with a $250 deposit. I think I read that tables and chairs were included too. And I found a tailor that does beautiful replica work, and they quoted me only $650 to redo a Vera Wang dress that I love. So there are definitely great deals out there; you just have to search for them.

lbonga1 said:

FI and I haven't set a date yet for our wedding, but I've already been planning a bit. We originally wanted to have a destination wedding, but we know it would make our families happy to be there. A lot of them wouldn't be able to swing the travel cost. So we're going to have a small wedding and reception here too. I found a clubhouse owned by the city with a beautiful courtyard, and they only charge $86/hour with a $250 deposit. I think I read that tables and chairs were included too. And I found a tailor that does beautiful replica work, and they quoted me only $650 to redo a Vera Wang dress that I love. So there are definitely great deals out there; you just have to search for them.

Two ceremonies? I wouldn't bother spending the money to "get married" twice. If you elope you can still have a party when you get back but since you will be married at that point you can't get married again so just skip the pretend ceremony and have a kick ass celebration party.

vlagrl29

People that i know that have destination weddings then eventually have a wedding reception back in there own town for those that couldn't make the travel.