my parents are so strict

suuusan

hi, I have really strict parents. Im used to it and all but one thing is that they do not let me message my friends! I use whatsapp to msg my friends and when my mom found out that I chat with my friends, also boys, she flipped out and gave me a really harsh lecture. I promised I wouldn't do it again. But I cant live without my friends. she checks my phone and today she found out that I have been msging my friends. I really don't get whats wrong in doing so!! Im doing fine at school and I get good grades but my parents don't even let me socialize with my friends!! Please give me some advice T.T

BlueBirdMB

You honestly sound too immature to handle social media or private conversations that she can't monitor.  I hope someday you can appreciate that your parents were trying to help you grow and didn't set you free before you were ready.

KyraNerys

You don't say how old you are.  If you are in high school, it seems odd that your parents are discouraging communicating with friends.  If you are in middle school, I can completely understand where they are coming from.

Of course, maybe your choice in friends is the problem for your parents?  At least your parents care enough to monitor your social interactions.  A lot of parents are completely in the dark until it is too late. It's our job to protect you while you are young from things that are harmful, including people.  Sorry.  Until you are making your own living and paying for your own internet/wireless connectivity, you're stuck with the rules of the folks paying the bills.

suuusan

 I'm 16 and I guess you are right. I feel stupid now... but i just felt like I couldn't hold it in anymore yesterday. I agree that my parents mean the best for me. And I know that as well. So do I only talk to my friends at school only? Does this mean that I cant chat with my friends? Who I have been together for so long? They tell me that friends are useless and I should not be messaging friends if I want to achieve something in my life. I just want to know what is wrong with messaging my friends. Thank you for the advice anyway ^^ Maybe I just have to learn to do as my parents say and not be a spoilt kid

Erikan73

That does seem extreme that having friends are useless. Having friends helps you to learn how to socialize, which is what you need when you start working. You probably only have 2-3 years left before you are off to college. Once you are out of the house, you can have some freedom and talk to friends. But be prepared to possibly go on your own phone plan so that they can't monitor what you do. If they pay, they have a right to know what you are doing with your phone. In the mean time, try to follow their rules. You may even want to sit down with your parents and calmly ask them "So that I can better understand where you are coming from, why do you think friends are useless" and then just listen. Once they are done, if you feel you can present any reasons on why you think it's good to have friends, present them, calmy. Be prepared that they may not change their mind on the topic. But who knows, it could open up some communication between you and maybe down the road after you show that you respect their rules, maybe they will compromise with you. Right now they see your friends causing you to go against their rules, and what parent wants their kid hanging out with people that encourage them to go against their parents.

NoneForUs

You can live by your rules when you pay your own bills and live on your own.

MommyLiberty5013

I had a very controlling mom. I'm 33 now. But as a teenager, although I was top of my class and involved in many activities, she monitored me.

I'm a parent now. My kids aren't teens yet. But, I understand why my mom was the way she was. I'm sad to say this, but not all kids are good kids - they are bad influences. Maybe they aren't into drugs, etc.. but their words and other life behaviors just are not healthy. Your mom is attempting to protect you from this.

However, if you have one or two friends that are girls that are like you with good grades and live clean lives, then what about inviting them over when your mom is home so they can all meet and interact? Have them over for dinner? A movie night? A game night? Parents fear the unknown. So, if your mom sees and understands who your friends are, then she may feel better about you talking to them.

Also, help the situation by telling your mom how you know these friends. From your classes? Activities?

Also, if you are so responsible, what about suggesting phone rules to your mom. "Mom, if I message my friends only before 8pm at night, may I message them? I won't message them after 8pm."

You have to earn her comfort and trust.

Are you the eldest child? Or, the only girl?

Right now, you need to avoid the boy issue. Sorry, but you do. Your mom isn't even comfortable with you talking to girls. So, boys are out of the question. And, if you do talk to boys you will do nothing for your credibility.

TarponMonoxide

suuusan said:

hi, I have really strict parents. Im used to it and all but one thing is that they do not let me message my friends! I use whatsapp to msg my friends and when my mom found out that I chat with my friends, also boys, she flipped out and gave me a really harsh lecture. I promised I wouldn't do it again. But I cant live without my friends. she checks my phone and today she found out that I have been msging my friends. I really don't get whats wrong in doing so!! Im doing fine at school and I get good grades but my parents don't even let me socialize with my friends!! Please give me some advice T.T

Call me horribly old school but I don't believe in all of this constant contact and constant companionship that everybody is indulging in.

You are now together 24/7 with your parents, your friends, your in laws, your boss, your coworker and just about anybody you know.

For the record, I do not do it.:)

I use the ole fashioned phone or I meet with friends in person, the ole fashioned way.:) 

Likely as not she doesn't understand it, either, why everybody has to message everybody else constantly.

Sit down with your mother -- let her cool off for a few days -- and ask her to tell you why she's so off the wall about you and your friends and messaging. Some type of dialogue face to face is needed. GL.   

suuusan

Thank you everyone for the advices. It really made me realise that I should understand my parents feelings. I will try and speak to them and get my points across but for now I will try to understand them ^^ Thank you very much again!