Bipolar Friend

nyc artist

Update: I'm removing the details from my original post because I was too specific about a friend and her medical condition. To protect her identity, here's a quick summary: I visited a friend and she behaved very erratically and became verbally abusive towards me. Since then it has been awkward and I'm unsure how to act towards her. I care for her and I think she may have some issues to work out. Just torn between standing up for myself and helping her get through those issues .

catsareniice1

Sorry to hear what you went through with your friend. Personally, I would be too scared to be around her. Do you know if she has undergone any med changes?

nyc artist

She has some other medical issues and I dont' want to say specifically what they are. Just that she isn't medically diagnosed as bipolar. She does take some medications. This last visit she was so erratic and unpredictable though that I don't know if they are really working anymore. I know that recently she has had issues with other people in her life, so I hope that she realizes perhaps it's her actions and she can get some other opinions/medications.

VOR

Sigh.  I understand you don't want to drop her as a friend "because" of her issues, but at the same time, you can't fix her.  You can't make her get help.  She needs to want to do that herself. 

You mention a couple times that you "made up", that "things are ok", but clearly they aren't.  Are you agreeing, so to speak, to make up w/ her in order to placate her?  If so... maybe it's time to stop.  Maybe you need to be honest with her.

Now that you're separated by distance and can hang the phone up if she starts to be belligerent, maybe now is the time to say "I'm not o.k. with this" and LET HER get mad. And w/o being around other people, or shocked, or fear of what she might do while your in her care, maybe saying you're upset and not backing down from it is what she needs. 

COuld the end result be that you aren't friends anymore?  Maybe. But are you really going to plan another trip to see her in ANYWHERE the foreseeable future?  After this experience, I'd be HARD pressed to give up my time and money to possibly walk into another scenario like that. 

if the friendship does continue as it is now, what is that really going to look like? Your anxious to talk to her, probably won't go to see her again for a LONG time...???  What does the future look like NOW?

Maybe take a chance and be really honest with her. 

Good luck.  This sounds like a hard situation from all fronts.

nyc artist

Thanks VOX.  Yes, I won't be visiting her again...probably EVER. I told a couple of people about what happened (mainly DH and my mom) and they both have advised that I don't visit her again. I made up with her because it was eating me alive how badly things left off.

After what happened, I am finding myself uninspired to call her, even to talk on the phone. What happened on this trip was a new low for our friendship, and I don't want to revisit that. I never want to be in a situation where I am reliant on her, her car, and completely out of my own element. This situation made me feel trapped and that's why I think I feel anxiety now. 

Also I never really got a genuine apology. She is trying to go on as if nothing happened. She "sort of apologized" in the car that day, but I kid you not, it was as she was screaming at me. LOL. That's not quite the apology that I can take to heart.

I guess the future doesn't look too bright for our friendship unless she starts to change her behavior.

LD1970

This doesn't actually sound like bipolar disorder.

TarponMonoxide

Maybe it is time you called it a day with Annie.

THis is not a friendship; this is walking on eggs. I don't think you want to do that.

I am wondering too if it is possible she may have some other problem other than what you told us she had. Is it possible she may be on the autism spectrum, also?  This seems to be a problem with social interaction --- has she always been like this and perhaps now it's escalating for some reason?

Another possibility: a drug interaction --- you say she is taking a lot of meds.

nyc artist

I didn't say she is taking "a lot of meds". LOL. I said she takes some medications. I was thinking bipolar because it is like a switch goes off. One minute she is super nice and fun and then if the wrong thing is said she goes from defensive to completely irrational angry. Not bipolar? What other things would it be? Genuinely curious. 

As I said she was never actually diagnosed as bipolar so I could be wrong. She's extremely bright, social (when she wants to be), athletic and very charming, I don't think autism is the issue. The mood swings are what make me think it's some kind of imbalance though.

Disneygeek77

Maybe she has narcissistic personality disorder ?

nyc artist

I think I may delete this thread, because I feel a bit bad talking about my friend's medical stuff. I did want some opinions on whether this is a friendship deal breaker though. since I do not know if it's something she can help.

short+sassy

Since she lives far enough away you took a plane, if it were me, I would still keep in some kind of touch due to the length of the friendship and the fact that some of her personality disorder is probably a medical problem.  But I wouldn't spend any more time seeing her in person.

I would really keep my boundaries.  Like staying in touch through an occasional e-mail and/or phone call, that kind of thing.  And if she starts ranting through either one of those mediums, I would politely end the discussion and let her know we could e-mail/talk again when she is feeling more herself.  And each time it happens, just remind yourself not to take it personally, she has some kind of mental illness.