"New Normal" after Wedding

Knottie69086298

So leading up to our wedding there was so much fun creating everything and such and so much attention on us.  Everybody was there for us and excited; and i mean THERE for us, at our house within a moments notice if we needed it.  Then after the honeymoon it almost seemed like they all vanished like "whelp youre married now so good luck and figure it out".  So now here we are trying to find our new "normal" but it has been SUCH a bumpy ride.  I haven't figured out to be the "let it all" go soul I was before we got married, you know the more relaxed just letting everything fall into place.  How do I step back to not "smother" my new husband and be so needy?  Help I am driving myself and him crazy! 

englishtrish1

Did you live together before you got married? Our normal after the wedding was a huge sigh of relief we had pulled off such a wonderful and meaningful day and returned to our normal lives

TarponMonoxide

englishtrish1 said:

Did you live together before you got married? Our normal after the wedding was a huge sigh of relief we had pulled off such a wonderful and meaningful day and returned to our normal lives

Even better yet...

Did you and he live apart and on your own before you were married?

If you didn't....great big disservice to you (and to him) --- it is all about independence and growing as a person "on your own."

I strongly suggest you find a hobby, join a club or volunteer, etc: get something to do and do it on your own.

Everybody needs an outlet and everybody needs to more or less keep busy; this is also an opportunity to do something "Without" your H.

(I suggest the same for him: he needs an outlet also and away-time from each other is not only a good idea, it's a must)

Weddings are like that: you either have half of Manhattan helping out...or you are completely on your own with planning. That's how it is.

Both of you find a hobby, or volunteer or etcetera, as I suggested.

Erikan73

I agree with prior poster 100%. It's important for a couple to do things together, but just as important, to have something to do separately. You don't even need to leave the house, if you love to read for example, your thing could be going to the library to get a few new books and then taking some time alone in a quiet room to read them.

dutchgirl76

I know it's hard to lose the support after the wedding (and boy how nice you had all that help), but trust that your family might want to give you space to figure out your newer life with your new husband, especially if you haven't lived together. I'm sure you're family is still there for you just as much if you need them, you just have to reach out for help.

In the meantime do as PP's have said, take up a hobby, read more, exercise at a different gym or join a fitness class to get out of the house. As much as it's nice to see your spouse, eventually you'll want to have one day or night at home alone in your PJ's watching what you want, eating what you want and just getting back to you as an individual. Perhaps you and your new H can stagger your activities to give each other some alone time.

Congratulations and enjoy your honeymoon time!

beachrunner5

I'm with you.  Finding normal after a year of chaotic planning, dodging family issues and vendors, its a weird place to be right now.  I don't know if it's boredom or what, but things are just way to quiet and creepy. 

I've taken out a sheet of paper and have actually started planning out my week, trying to plugin lunch dates with girlfriends and I want to take a new class.... but with the holidays almost here, it's hard to find one starting up.

Head up.  We'll both get through this.

catsareniice1

I hated the planning. I found it a relief when everything was over. lol But everyone is different. I would say make it a point to get out with friends and your husband too. Maybe pickup a hobby.

dutchgirl76

I hated planning too, although I was on the other side of little help unless it was the person's "one little (read: huge) thing that would make the wedding just a 'little' better" I felt like I finally had my life back after the wedding which is sad, weddings shouldn't be that big of a deal.

To beachrunners point, be careful to keep your friends and family in balance. Your friends still want to see you. Just like when you first start dating someone it's easy to get caught up in wanting to spend all of your time with your new spouse and your friends get lost in the mix. You'll see threads on here and "married life" about your friendships changing after marriage, but it doesn't have to be that way if you reach out and keep them in your social calendar.  I'm not saying every day, but maybe once a month or every 2 months try to get together without your H. Maybe twice a year go out with the spouses too. Obviously it might be harder to schedule in November and December, but make it a point to try. Call your BM's for drinks or dinner, catch up about non-wedding related stuff. Perhaps you can all go holiday shopping together if you're going to do that anyway.