Joint Money Questions

MissKittyDanger

brij2006 said:

It really sounds like you guys need to have a heart to heart.  Budgeting together may be your best option, and being open about both his and your money.  

I'm a Dave Ramsey advocate, but because he talks about money in more than just "money."  It's getting on the same page together and discussing money, goals, futures, etc.  There's more to his program than just paying off debt.  He offers a class called Financial Peace University that's a great class to go to together and get on the same page about money.

My H is a total spender.  He spent $7,000 on modifying his car one year (he's a huge car guy), and I was beyond pissed.  We had separate accounts then.  His excuse, "well I was raised this way."  Ever since we have gotten on the same page with finances, he would never spend that much on something so selfish and frivolous.  He now knows that there are bigger and greater things we are both working toward and those things are more important.  But he was definitely not raised that way.  His dad has $10k in retirement and debt up to his eyeballs.  He's also filed bankruptcy 3 times in his life.  

My H very well could have continued his selfish spending behavior and blamed it on his upbringing, but that was going to lead us to financial turmoil and probably eventually divorce (I'm a saver).  Using "the way I was raised" is a copout. 

I'm on saving blogs that praise Dave Ramsey! I have checked out the site a few times, and pretty much go by what he says mainly. It's legit the "getting-H-on-board" part. I must say he is getting better, especially being able to see his card debt gone within a few months, but he's still more frivolous on spending than makes me feel comfortable.

Arguably, I could say saving was "the way I was raised". My parents were savers, which saved their asses a few times with life decided to throw curve balls.

Side note: I actually cringed at the 3x filing bankruptcy part. I usually cringe when clients come in at that situation.