Anyone else have an only child and have these issues?

KyraNerys

My son is 16 years old and he is awesome.  Really responsible, great grades, no behavior issues ever, every teacher's favorite kid but not in that annoying teacher's pet sort of way that makes other kids mad.

I'm friends on facebook with several of his classmates, no big deal.  My facebook page is totally clean, no language to speak of, no inappropriate conversations.  My son isn't even on facebook at all ... he just flat out does not care about being social or staying in the mix.  It's always really worked in his favor that he is a bit aloof and detached.  It's always made the rest of them crazy when he doesn't get all worked up over grades (his are all great), arguments with other boys (he just doesn't care enough about any of them to get mad), and girls (whatever ... "Do what you have to do" is pretty much his attitude toward girls).  It's hilarious.  And all of these things seem to really attract kids to him.  It's funny to see.

Anyway, when I see one of his friends has posted the "in a relationship" nonsense, I'm just instantly annoyed, irritated, rolling my eyes.  It's totally irrational, but I worry that eventually these kids who are friends with my son now are going to drift away and leave him lonely.  Which is really stupid, I know.  Maybe I'm just worried that they will drift away and leave ME lonely, since he really doesn't seem to care one way or the other.  I'm just always worried that he doesn't seem to care about any of this teenage stuff that seems so important to these other kids.

We're a small family of three, very close, do all kinds of things together, talk nonstop about videogames, movies, t.v..  I'm a little afraid that we're the best friends in his life that keep him from caring enough to make other best friends, or getting interested in a girl.  I know he likes girls, I just think he is uninterested in the girls currently travelling in his sphere of operations.  He'll hopefully meet someone in college where the pool is a lot bigger (and the gene pool is a lot less incestuous ... small towns, ugh.)

Just had to throw this out there in case anyone else has something similar going on with their child.

englishtrish1

Why are you friends on FB with teenage boys? Do you encourage your son to have activities outside of the family? If you do and he chooses not to, meh, if you don't and haven't well that's a whole other issue.

KyraNerys

These kids have been on my Facebook friends list since middle school. They were all in band together and we were around them all the time. They use my page to try to get me to talk my son into going to things with them... It's just goofy. I wish he was more interested in doing stuff with others, I push him toward it all the time, but he is definitely meh about it.

He just seems so much older than them in some ways (interests) and so young in others (girls etc.). Does anyone else have something similar happening with an only child?

englishtrish1

He sounds pretty typical of an only child. Spends a lot of time with adults and develops more adult interests but is immature in age appropriate socialization. My friends daughter sounds very like your son, she eventually came into her own as a college freshman, I think mostly it was because she was away from home.

KyraNerys

Thanks. It is what I am hoping will happen for him. He is going away to school and maybe he'll find other only children who can relate! Just getting him through these high school years is my goal right now.

TarponMonoxide

KyraNerys said:

My son is 16 years old and he is awesome.  Really responsible, great grades, no behavior issues ever, every teacher's favorite kid but not in that annoying teacher's pet sort of way that makes other kids mad.

I'm friends on facebook with several of his classmates, no big deal.  My facebook page is totally clean, no language to speak of, no inappropriate conversations.  My son isn't even on facebook at all ... he just flat out does not care about being social or staying in the mix.  It's always really worked in his favor that he is a bit aloof and detached.  It's always made the rest of them crazy when he doesn't get all worked up over grades (his are all great), arguments with other boys (he just doesn't care enough about any of them to get mad), and girls (whatever ... "Do what you have to do" is pretty much his attitude toward girls).  It's hilarious.  And all of these things seem to really attract kids to him.  It's funny to see.

Anyway, when I see one of his friends has posted the "in a relationship" nonsense, I'm just instantly annoyed, irritated, rolling my eyes.  It's totally irrational, but I worry that eventually these kids who are friends with my son now are going to drift away and leave him lonely.  Which is really stupid, I know.  Maybe I'm just worried that they will drift away and leave ME lonely, since he really doesn't seem to care one way or the other.  I'm just always worried that he doesn't seem to care about any of this teenage stuff that seems so important to these other kids.

We're a small family of three, very close, do all kinds of things together, talk nonstop about videogames, movies, t.v..  I'm a little afraid that we're the best friends in his life that keep him from caring enough to make other best friends, or getting interested in a girl.  I know he likes girls, I just think he is uninterested in the girls currently travelling in his sphere of operations.  He'll hopefully meet someone in college where the pool is a lot bigger (and the gene pool is a lot less incestuous ... small towns, ugh.)

Just had to throw this out there in case anyone else has something similar going on with their child.

IF he is happy, he is busy, he is involved with activities (in school or otherwise) and he has an outlet to blow off steam (music, writing, art, acting, singing, martial arts or something creative) Then he is going to be just fine.

He is young --- this is the best time to get involved with things in school and otherwise and find out what you might like to do with the rest of your life.

neverblushed

It seems like the heart of your issue is that his friends are starting to do typical "teenager" things that he's not doing yet, and you're worried that they're going to outgrow him. I don't think you have to worry about that. 

I teach high school.  Your son is certainly within the range of normal social interactions I see in my students.  I also have a 15 year old daughter who seems a lot like your son.  She's a good, responsible, laid back kid who doesn't get caught up in a lot of the drama.  She has friends and gets along with others easily, but still spends a lot of time at home, hanging out with family.  She likes people and is beginning to become interested in dating, but she doesn't have a significant other. 

I know juniors at my school who are part of the "fast and beautiful" crowd who are driving everywhere, dating, and going to parties where they're almost certain to find alcohol and drugs, but I also know perfectly well-adjusted kids whose lives mostly revolve around school, homework, extracurriculars, and family activities.  And everything in between.

There's plenty of life after high school.  And keep in mind that how kids interact through and represent themselves on social media is very different from adults.  All adults sort of tweak their FB "selves" to show a sanitized and very positive image of their lives.  Kids are still defining themselves, so they may use social media to "try on" a persona and test out an aspect of themselves that is different from who they are to their teachers, friends or parents. 

Being able to crow about being "in a relationship" on FB may mean something very different to a 16 year old than it means to you.