What would you do?

BravoJunkie

Hi All - I am new to this forum.  I could use an ear.  A couple of months ago, a friend invited some friends, including my mother (whom I have a great relationship with) for a craft day at her house.  My mom couldn't make it but of course I went and we had a ball.  I have decided to host at my house next month and have included my friends along with my mom.  Today my mom asked me if i invited my sister-in-law (her daughter-in-law).  I hadn't.  Although I don't have an issue with sister-in-law, I feel like this is a time for me and my friends. 

Any input would be appreciated.  I know it may sound silly but I'm upset right now that my mom brought this up.  Now I feel like I have to extend the invite, but really don't want to.

VOR

I'd just tell your mom that this is an afternoon with your friends.  And as your friends like her too, that's why she's included.  I'd leave it at that. If you all have a great relationship, I'd think she'd be able to understand that this is a special thing for you and your friends.  Just because you're hosting this time doesn't now make it a family thing too.  

If she pushes the issue, offer to either host a craft day another time or suggest your mom host one.  OR yo ucould just invite her.  It's not the end of the world, but I feel you- to start inviting other people changes the dynamic. 

simplyelise

Did your mom ask in an accusatory way? If she just inquired about whether SIL was invited, she might just have been wanting to make sure she didn't make the SIL feel excluded by mentioning it. Or maybe she wants to encourage more of a friendship between you and SIL for some reason. If it wasn't done in a, "how dare you not invite SIL!" way, then I think you should try and let go of your upset feelings. 

If you really don't want to invite SIL, say that you're trying to keep it smaller so you can really catch up with your friends. I probably wouldn't invite my mom if it was a friends-only thing, though. Inviting in circles is usually helpful so that you don't unintentionally hurt someone's feelings. And I assume you do not want to cause your SIL to feel hurt or left out. Maybe you can tell your mom that this get together is more of a thing for your group of friends but then offer a different time that you, your mom, and SIL can get together for something.

BravoJunkie

Thanks guys, I talked to my mom and told her that I preferred the time to be a friends thing. If she wanted some family girl time we could do something another time. She was fine and understood. I appreciate your thoughts.