Trouble in Paradise
Hurtinginseattle
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm so lost
I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 13 years. We have 4 kids. Everything has seemed fine lately. However a few times in the past I've caught him online cheating. Dating profiles ect. The last time was 4 yrs ago. I laid down the law. He did counseling, started in antianxiety mess (he has OCD) ect. I have finally come to mostly trust him but there is always that naggy voice in the back of my head. I sporadically check his email. This morning I checked just because. I found emails he sent to a woman. Using a false name, stating he is single, 30 (he's 35), has his own home, car ect. He is actually a SAHD finishing up his accounting degree. I work 2 jobs night shift. I work my butt off. And he has been seeking out the attention of other women. I'm furious. I feel broken. He is my best friend. Was my best friend. I don't know how to proceed. I don't know how to confront him. I don't think I can stay with him. How can I ever trust him?!? I don't know if he's had physical relations. It would be awfully hard since we have 4 kids. My oldest is 13 and she definetly would notice if daddy was sneaking out at night. I'm so lost.
Re: I'm so lost
1-You cannot trust him --- he was caught once before and blammo went your trust for him -- as you can see trust is hard to re-attain
A spouse need not sneak out at night for his only time to cheat.
You will have to decide where to go from here.
You will make it clear that your H is to work on this marriage with you and to give up the chippies altogether...or you decide what what way you want to go on this. You will proceed in the marriage with him or choose to go on without him. The choice is going to have to be yours.
I would print out all the evidence and then show it to him, in a public place so he cannot make a scene -- and ask him what the story is. He's got absolutely no business doing what he is doing. .
He is giving these ladies fake information? They probably all think they're going to meet this wonderful single guy. Disgusting.
I am guessing that if he is a student, he is not working at all, either full time or part time you are supporting this guy --- if you choose to file, make sure there is a way to get child support; why should your youngsters go without???
Student or not, he can still get some kind of part time job -- or maybe work as some sort of CPA assistant or work as somebody who can process tax returns for cheap, for perhaps the elderly or somebody on a fixed income.
Give it a couple of weeks, for yourself. IF you are spiritual and you worship, see your clergyperson. Go talk to a marriage counselor on your own.
None of this is looking good. This is awful especially since there are kiddoes involved.
Counseling for yourself no 2 ways about it; trust is broken and you have to nip this in the bud for yourself so you can trust the next guy who comes along (if you choose to go your separate way).
http://www.womansdivorce.com
How terrible....how absolutely ghastly.... I don't think there is any 2 ways about what you should do.
Go set up another bank account and tell your boss that your direct deposit goes there --- protect your assets. Make sure that he cannot get any of them -- your money, your bank accounts, valuables that you have, whatever it is --- get a safe deposit box and lock up the smaller things that you can put into that drawer that they give you --- maybe get all new numbers fort the accounts and one where his name isn't on them (lots of banks still do that)
He has emotionally checked out of the marriage. That doesn't bode well -- if a guy has a wandering eye he's check out.:(
Make sure you and your kids are safe. By gentlemen's agreement, he should hit the road and you and the kids stay where you are --- I do not know if the. name is on the deed of your house (no matter who actually owns the home; I am guessing the home is yours) but you'll have to see an attorney about having him removed from the deed, if you do get divorced. You may have to partition out the home. Or maybe not; a real estate attorney will know for sure.
Did he leave?
You do not need space.
You need to divorce him and get rid of him -- he has zero character, he's got a roving eye and if you keep him around whatever is left of your self esteem will head right into the toilet.