Relationships
Kara1209
member
Dear Community,
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Any advice?
So, my husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 3. We just had a baby in May and I thought everything was perfect. About a month ago he tells me that he's not happy, and hasn't been for some time. He said that he's not happy with work and home life and has thought about leaving but has hope that he will be fine but he doesn't want to feel like this forever. I know that he hasn't cheated and I completely trust him.
I have asked him about going to a couples therapist and he said that he would go but he doesn't seem too into it. I almost think that individual therapy might be better for him because I think he might be depressed. He told me that he doesn't think there is a magic pill he could take to be happy, but I said he would probably benefit from talking to someone.
Has anyone ever been through something like this? Has therapy helped or hurt?
Re: Any advice?
What kind of things did he use to do before you got married that made him happy? Did he by chance play on any sports teams or leagues? If so, maybe it would be good for him to get back into that. I get what he is saying, and he's probably guilty of doing what many women are guilty of doing. We put everyone first and never make time for ourselves. And if you do that long enough, you just get burnt out on life.
For my husband, his time to decompress & relax is to play video games online for 1-2 hours about twice a week. I would recommend talking and maybe trying to come up with a schedule that allows each of you some "me" time at least once a week. It would be good for both of you. And if you can swing it, it would be good to find a babysitter so that at least once a month, you can get out for some couples time. And couples time doesn't have to be an expensive night out, it can be a simple cup of coffee, or a walk in the park, or just going to the beach and absorbing in the sun or going and watching a sunset.
In regards to his job, talk about what it is at his job that makes him unhappy. Once you figure that out, then start working on trying to figure out what he can do to change it. It may mean him going back to school so that he can either move up into a different position or to start a whole new career. If it's the commute, maybe it's time to find something closer to home, or time to move closer to work. The hardest thing is to figure out what is causing the unhappiness and then developing a plan to improve the situation.
I agree that some counseling would be a good idea. But I think talking about things above is a great place to start. It sounds like he wants to work on things, else he would have just packed up and left already and not told you his feelings. Good luck!!!