Miserable and confused in my marriage

Talkie08

I'm so miserable in my marriage. I've been married 7 years. My husband expects me to cook and clean and take care of our infant daughter bc I'm the mom. He has the most ungrateful, lazy, entitled 15 yo son. He sits there and does nothing while I cook, clean, do the dishes, pick up after him, sweep, mop and take care of my baby. He can parent my child but I am absolutely not allowed to parent him. My husband gets mad when I ask him to bring his dishes to the sink. Not rinse them, or wash them, or load in the dishwasher. JUST put them in the sink. My husband manipulates me and turns every argument around to my fault. And if I ever ever dared to give him a taste of his own medicine, he flips out. He says I'm being tick for tat and petty. Even though he does that to me all the time. I only stay bc I desperately want my child to have a sibling. I'm so tired of feeling so unappreciated and then being told I don't appreciate him enough. I feel like I could kiss his feet every second of the day and he'll never feel appreciated.

TarponMonoxide

Talkie08 said:

You have said it all right here....and you should be white-hot furious at this little nogoodnik -- this is NOT 1957 anymore!

I'm so miserable in my marriage. I've been married 7 years. My husband expects me to cook and clean and take care of our infant daughter bc I'm the mom. He has the most ungrateful, lazy, entitled 15 yo son. He sits there and does nothing while I cook, clean, do the dishes, pick up after him, sweep, mop and take care of my baby.

Not for nothing, but before you were married, did you and he thoroughly discuss the topic of kids --- everything: when you'd have them if you planned on kids...and that there would or would not be equal parenting??

He can parent my child but I am absolutely not allowed to parent him.

He treats YOU like you are a piece of garbage; I can imagine how lousy of a parent he is! He sucks as a husband!!!

My husband gets mad when I ask him to bring his dishes to the sink. Not rinse them, or wash them, or load in the dishwasher.

JUST put them in the sink. My husband manipulates me and turns every argument around to my fault. And if I ever ever dared to give him a taste of his own medicine, he flips out. He says I'm being tick for tat and petty.

Even though he does that to me all the time. I only stay bc I desperately want my child to have a sibling.

You want your child to have what, a sibling -- where you are already well under water parenting one child...no, TWO....and cleaing up after the both of them??

NO more kids with this nogoodnick --- your marriage is in big trouble....and you stay with him because you want your child to have a brother or sister.

This makes zero sense. ZERO.

I'm so tired of feeling so unappreciated and then being told I don't appreciate him enough. I feel like I could kiss his feet every second of the day and he'll never feel appreciated.

My suggestions:

1-Sit down with him and tell him marriage counseling...and that he is to equally parent your child and clean up after himself.

And if he says no to either, consider showing him the door pronto. This is out of control...

And honey, there are millions of other single and eligible men on this planet -- guys who would give anything to marry a great lady and have a family with her.

The dumbass you married is not the only male on this earth who makes sperm. With an outlook like the one you described he should have been neutered when he was old enough for the operation!

Please consider my advice.

You could also stay with him and have another kiddo and then never see the light of marriage day ever again.

THe situation was out of control when it was not determined in advance of the marriage that he would give 100% to the chores and to you in every way. he's letting his behavior come between the 2 of you and that's fatal to a marriage.

simplyelise

Go get yourself some counseling. If he will go with you, great. If he won't go with you, go on your own.

You need professional help so you two can communicate on the flash points in your relationship.

Do you both work outside the home? Even if you are staying home with your daughter, he still needs to be contributing to household. But if you both work outside the home, it should be a much more even split of duties. Have you previously had any productive conversations about division of duties? Having this conversation in front of a counselor would be helpful because the counselor would not allow either of you to get manipulative. If you want to stay married, you guys need to get on the same page about how your home is run.

With the 15 year old, you've been step-mom to him since he was 8, so it seems like you should have a certain level of authority to ask him to do things and punish him for not following through. Your husband should be backing you up on that and not creating a situation where the 15 year old disrespects you. This is something you definitely need to talk about with a counselor. Treating you with respect in front of your step son and setting expectations you've mutually decided to enforce on the kid are vitally important.

The thing about just sticking around and not reaching out for help is that it will turn you into a bitter person. All you will be able to see are the negatives and you'll start responding to his manipulations with equal levels of passive aggression and disrespect. He's not going to magically start being a good husband, so you've got to get help asap and see if together you two can reset your marriage and start communicating in a healthy way.