Husband's Job Problems

merelala

My husband hates his job. The pay isn't great, the schedule is awful, and he doesn't feel stimulated. His degree won't help him get a job he likes (poor planning on his part, I know) and he feels he's too old to go back to school (almost 31. I disagree, but it's not my life.) He also feels like his job isn't going anywhere and is very unlikely to. "Stuck" would be the best word to describe it. 

The problem is intensified, I believe, because I have a really nice job. The pay is good, I do something I love, my coworkers are amazing, and I'm stimulated on a daily basis.There's room for me to move forward in this career path. As well, my hours are amazing. I think looking at my work life compared to his is making this really rough on him. I've always known vaguely what I wanted to do, got a few degrees to help me get there, started from the ground up, and now am at the top position at my current job location. I feel bad even talking about work to him at this point. 

I've tried being supportive and positive but am always met with negativity and, "No, that won't work." Even when I try to play bad cop and tell him what he needs to do to be successful, he'll agree, but then get depressed about everything. I'm at a loss for what to do. I don't want him to feel as though he can't come to me, but it's exhausting constantly being met with negativity. 

Does anyone have any ideas on how to approach this? In my dream life, a career counselor would give me some advice (something he refuses to seek..) and I could have something of value to tell  him. I feel like I've exhausted all my options. 

Thanks in advance...

jtmh2012

I have a friend like this.  After his last job ended, he ended up at this new company and it is pretty much a dead end position.  But he refuses to do anything like look for another job, complete a masters degree, whatever.  Not much you can do until they decide they want to change something.

short+sassy

I'm sorry to hear that.  I've had miserable jobs and it just drags down your life.  It's a double edged sword because it sucks the energy and motivation away to look for a solution.

If I were you, I'd still make suggestions on ways to improve his situation...but keep it to once in awhile.  Ultimately, he is the one who needs to get to the end of his rope and change what he does.  Whether that is to look for another job or go back to school.  I would also keep talking about your job to a minimum, which it sounds like you have already done.

It's one of those weird quirks of human nature.  Where, although we are happy for our loved ones' successes/achievement, it can sometimes bring jealousy and/or exacerbate a piece of our life we view as negative.

AlexandScott2015

Read Dr. Cloud's book titled "Boundaries".  I re-read this book every couple of years and think it offers wonderful advice for every relationship you have! Good luck!

englishtrish1

When people offer excuses about not going to school it makes me stabby, I don't have time, I'm too old, blah blah. I just finished another degree at the age of 53, then I start graduate school in the same subject in April, I'm 53, I have a very high pressure job, a family and a life. It can be done if you want it enough

merelala

When I say he thinks he's too old, it's because we would like to start a family soon. That costs money. I know he knows he could complete a degree if he wanted to. However, he thinks financially it doesn't make sense at the moment. While I agree, I'm willing to take an extra job to help out or put off having kids for a while. A loan is not an option, either (the only loan either of us have ever taken out is for our house and we plan on keeping it that way.) There's also the problem of "What if I get this degree, spend the money, and I end up without a job, still?"

It would be different if he was getting a degree to further his current career; that's not the case. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as, "Sure, I can do it."  You often need to acquire the means to do it even if you want it plenty. 

MommyLiberty5013

He already knows what he doesn't like about his job, is there anything he does like and is that a way for you to encourage him?

Is it that he refuses to do anything or is it that he just doesn't know what he wants in a career at all? If he doesn't know the latter part, I can see how making any sort of decision for the job future would be tough.