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Felicity771
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is he a pedophile or just perv!?
in Married Life
So I can't stop thinking about this. I found out right before I met my H he took a pic of a young girl (16 or so) he says she was 18 but she looked around 16 in pic.. He was 35 and married at the time. She was a babysitter who was watching the neighbors kids so that can give u idea she was young. She was in a bikini and he said his friend told him to send him a pic of her. So after his divorce we got married and I find this out. inhave a ten year old girl and sometimes I worry about what he will be thinking as she grows into a teen. Does this constitute someone being a pediphile ?jusy feel pretty bad about t and he gets super defensive and insists his friend asked him to take the pic. Idk 
Re: Is he a pedophile or just perv!?
Not in this case. Not in the definition of the word.
This was also a shot of her in a bathing suit. If this is an innocuous shot of her just posing in swimwear, that is one thing.
I also don't know the backstory behind the photo. Is he an inspiring photographer? Does he shoot photos for profit? I don't know what else to say.
If she was posing just for fun, why couldn't somebody else take the picture?
If I was 18 I wouldn't ask a much older guy to take the photo. JMO. Unless he was a photographer and I was looking for perhaps some print work to put in my portfolio (or vice versa) and in which case, I'd have had somebody there with me as the photos were being taken...but as I said, I don't have any backstory; you would need to provide more.
The fact that you're bothered by this photo is what your problem is...and why is he being so defensive about an innocuous photo of somebody he took eons ago? I think that's something that merits looking into.
The part that is bothersome: he and his friend were talking about this young lady and he took a photo minus her knowledge. And then he sent it to his friend.
I do not know what you want to do about this. You can simply say goodbye and go being that this whole incident disturbs you...or you can stay and somehow work this out with him.
I don't like the sound of any of it, now that you gave some backstory.
You are going to have to figure out where you want to go from here. If you are not married long, maybe you can get this marriage annulled. An attorney is the only way to find out if you can have this marriage annulled.
How long did you know this guy before you married him?
From the sound of it you and he are not married long; I will guess several months because this picture incident sounds quite recent to me.
BUT that being said - I fully agree w/ Tarpon on this:
The part that is bothersome: he and his friend were talking about this young lady and he took a photo minus her knowledge. And then he sent it to his friend.
Age doesn't even matter here - if she were obviously 35, or... whatever, the fact that he took a picture of her and then sent it to his friend, it's wrong.
However, I wouldn't be leaving my DH over this one incident as a stand alone. We all do stupid things in our lives and make poor judgment calls. That could be all this is.
I don't think its creepy he found a 16-year-old attractive. Most girls that age have the figures of an adult anyway.
Though I do find it super creepers that he took a pic of his bikini'ed neighbor's babysitter without her knowledge. But I'd think that, regardless of her age. I'd still let it go and just chastise him that it's seriously creepers to take a pic of anyone without their knowledge and do not do something so stupid again.
Now, if he had asked out a 16-year-old girl...knowing she was 16...at the age of 35. That would give me cause for alarm. I still wouldn't think he was a pedophile...at least not in the sense of someone being turned on by a child's body. But I would categorize that as a sexual predator.
Oh! I just re-read your post and misunderstood something. I thought she was definitely 16. There is really no way to tell the difference between a 16 or 18-year-old. No offense, but its crazy to even think that. It is only a 2-year difference. I got mistaken for being in high school well into my 20s.
But that also cuts both ways. Maybe he just assumes she was 18, because that makes him feel better. When, quite frankly, she could have even been a well developed 14 or 15-year-old.