Small wedding.... What should I do?

MedicMary1978

My fiancé and I decided to elope. We explained to family and some were ok with it. His mom and dad will be there, his sister and her fiancé and well as his brother and grandma. My mom my sister and my best friend will be there as well. What should we do right after we elope? Should we go to lunch? I am so confused. We don't have the money to pay for everyone. We are going to have a reception type of thing in the fall. I am just lost.

PurpleBookmark

Congratulations! It's been many years since I married so I don't really know, a lunch does sound nice for the people that are coming. I think it sounds great to get married among your closest family and friends.

I know you said that you don't have the money, where are you eloping to?  If it's local or a small town maybe even pizza or sandwiches would be okay, especially if your family understands you're limited on the budget. We were married at a church then had a reception at the town hall community room and had it catered by Jimmy John's - so just subs, cookies, pickles and of course drinks that we bought and potato and pasta salads made by DH's grandma. We were young and in love and everyone seemed to have a lot of fun.

Best wishes on your marriage!

als1982

Can you get married at 2 pm and then have your guests over to your home afterwards for cake? If you're going to have a lunch or dinner you should pay for it, or plan to have the ceremony around a part of the day when people wouldn't expect a meal.

hoffse

als1982 said:

Can you get married at 2 pm and then have your guests over to your home afterwards for cake? If you're going to have a lunch or dinner you should pay for it, or plan to have the ceremony around a part of the day when people wouldn't expect a meal.

Agreed 100%.

Another option is to get married in the morning and do breakfast/brunch.  That's pretty inexpensive.

@purplebookmark, I freaking love the vito sandwiches at JJ's.  Seriously, I eat there probably once every other week.  Having them cater a wedding sounds fantastic!

JoanE2012

MedicMary1978 said:

My fiancé and I decided to elope. We explained to family and some were ok with it. His mom and dad will be there, his sister and her fiancé and well as his brother and grandma. My mom my sister and my best friend will be there as well. What should we do right after we elope? Should we go to lunch? I am so confused. We don't have the money to pay for everyone. We are going to have a reception type of thing in the fall. I am just lost.

Congratulations!  You are not eloping, you are having a small wedding!  Any one that is attending the ceremony MUST be hosted afterwards.  Lunch is fine!  You must pay for everyone though (this is your thank you to them for attending), so pick a place that fits in the budget, even if that means holding off a little longer.  

Personally, if you're struggling to pay for lunch for the people attending the ceremony, I'd skip the party in the fall.  It's not necessary and it's just going to cost you more money!   And quite honestly, I don't get what the purpose is - if you're planning a party, why not just invite them to the ceremony?  

AprilZ81

If money is tight a small wedding (what you are planning) with a cake and punch reception would be perfectly fine.

If you have the ceremony around lunch or dinner you will need to provide a meal for those who attend, but it doesn't have to be fancy or expensive.  All that is required is that everyone has enough food to constitute a meal.  Soup and sandwiches, pasta, BBQ, hamburgers, it really doesn't matter as long as everyone is properly hosted.

Erikan73

Do you or someone that is attending able to have everyone at their home & you can just provide a party tray? Those usually come with a side dish or two and then buy a small cake to be your wedding cake. With the amount of people you are having, you could probably pull this off for about $60 (depending on what costs are in your area)

Or even call your local pizza shop, many in my area provide more then just pizza. Like some you can get a pan of pasta, salad, and bread. Again, depending on costs in your area, you might be able to do something like this for about $50

NicA617

I agree -- you should host your guests at your small wedding. coffee & bagels in the morning, cake & punch in the afternoon, OR pizza & salad at lunch or dinner time. weddings don't have to be expensive to be special.

And skip the party in the fall if money is tight.  Good luck & have fun!

labro

If you don't have the money to pay for a small group to eat (coffee and cake even) after you get married now, how are you affording a reception in the fall? I'm sure it's this way for most people...but my ceremony costs were a FRACTION of what we paid for the reception. Put whatever money you're saving for this big party towards hosting your family and your best friend after you get married. You can do something as simple as an early afternoon cake and punch style reception, or a simple lunch, backyard bbq, etc.

brij2006

Just host something in your home afterward.  You could easily get away with something cheap for that many people.  Do pasta with meat, salad, garlic bread, and buy a cake from Walmart (seriously, their cakes are really good).  It doesn't need to be anything fancy and since it's your immediate family and best friend, they aren't going to be mad at you for not taking them out to eat.  Do provide them a meal though. 
You could even do a lasagna or 2 that you make up ahead of time and just have to put in the oven when you get back. Or even do bbq that you put in the crockpot and serve with potato and pasta salad and chips. 

Agree with the others. Skip the party in the fall.  

short+sassy

PPs have already given great advice and suggestions for properly hosting your guests after the ceremony.  Which is the reception.  If you have a party later in the fall, it is a "Marriage Celebration" party, so just be careful not to call it a reception.  There's a lot of discussion on The Knot about the do's/dont's of this type of party.  But, the general gist is, it should be a party vibe.  Not a wedding vibe.

Out of curiosity, and some others have touched on this, if you are planning on having a party in the fall anyway, why don't you and your FI just get married then?  And, what will be different with your finances now vs. later, that you could afford a party then?  No need to respond if your answers are too personal.  Just that I find Marriage Celebration parties odd and always find it interesting to hear the reasons.  Not odd in a bad way, because parties yay!, just odd as in "outside of the norm".  

formerlyGDaisy09

@short+Sassy makes good points. I've had a couple friends who "eloped" to save money. they had a small wedding with just their families and 1 or 2 close friends they got dressed up, had a nice dinner, and everyone was happy. 

then they decided they wanted the big party too (without the expense of a big wedding) and threw themselves a party later; however they made the mistake of calling it a reception (and they got a cake and she wore a wedding dress). This turned a lot of people off, because they were treating like a wedding, but none of the guests got to witness them get married. it felt gift-grabby and cheap. 

my opinion would be that you need to decide which you want; the small intimate ceremony and a nice small reception after or the bigger party in the fall. If you really want the big party, wait to get married, save all your money for that and do it! but if it's more important for you to get married sooner I'd skip the fall party. 

ThinkingCapital

I echo what the others have said, have a small lunch following the ceremony and skip the party/reception in the fall. It will still be a fun and memorable time with the people you care about and you'll be able to reduce the budget.

Congrats!

PurpleBookmark

hoffse said:

als1982 said:

Can you get married at 2 pm and then have your guests over to your home afterwards for cake? If you're going to have a lunch or dinner you should pay for it, or plan to have the ceremony around a part of the day when people wouldn't expect a meal.

Agreed 100%.

Another option is to get married in the morning and do breakfast/brunch.  That's pretty inexpensive.

@purplebookmark, I freaking love the vito sandwiches at JJ's.  Seriously, I eat there probably once every other week.  Having them cater a wedding sounds fantastic!

It was delicious!  OP it was very reasonably priced too, I also love the idea of a cake and punch reception as well.

jtmh2012

Just another thought.  Since you're really only having a small gathering of friends and family, don't mention "wedding" when you call places to ask about food.  Many places raise their prices once you mention that word.