Married Life
dutchgirl76
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Wedding invitations
in Married Life
I'm not sure if this is the appropriate board for this question...
I received an invitation to a wedding shower in April for a friend of mine who's an old co-worker. The invitation was from her mom for a shower that's taking place about 3 weeks from now. Why I was struck by this is because I haven't received an invitation to the wedding that's taking place over Memorial Day weekend 2016, just about 2 months from now. I'm honestly not sure if I'm invited to the wedding since we're friends, but not as close as we were when we worked together. I've assumed I wasn't invited since weddings are super expensive and I'm not family or a lifelong friend (I'm perfectly fine with that.) I assumed the brides mom got my info from another party my friend hosted (she sells those diet drinks) and assumed those were also wedding guests.
Anyway long story short, I'm trying to make plans for Memorial Day weekend and I don't know if I'm invited to this wedding or not. Should I have an invitation by now? I don't want to be a jerk and say "hey am I invited?", in case I'm not, that's really putting the bride and groom on the spot. Assuming the shower is a surprise, I don't think the bride knows I got this shower invitation and I don't want to get her mom in trouble either. I'll send a gift either way. I'd say it's not a huge deal I can wait a little longer, but DH and I typically host a BBQ that weekend, and he works a lot of weekends so we don't have flexibility to move it around a wedding at the last minute. Also, if DH is working the day of the wedding he needs a lot of notice to try and get a trade since it's a holiday weekend and no one will want to trade. I could go alone, but I won't know anyone else. Should I just make plans and say I can't go if I do get a last minute invitation or wait in hopes that I am in fact invited and invitations are just slow to get out. Thanks for your advice.
Re: Wedding invitations
Maybe just send a gift to the shower -- find something inexpensive on the registry. Or give a gift card.
For the fact you won't even know anyone else there, even if your DH went with you - I don't know that I'd want to spend my holiday weekend that way vs having our annual BBQ!
The appropriate time to send out wedding invitations is 6-8 weeks before the event. So, at this point, it would actually be a little soon for you all to have the invitation yet anyway.
It would be very rude to invite you to the shower and not to the wedding but, if you ever spent time reading the Etiquette posts on The Knot, people do rude stuff all the time either because they don't know any better or don't care. Especially if the shower is a surprise, like the impression you got, the bride's mother might not have been as diligent as she should have been to only issue invites to people who are receiving wedding invites. Or, you are getting an invite anyway.
I agree it would be awkward to ask...even though I would assume a wedding invitation was coming. If it were me, I'd go to the shower (if I wanted to). Then, when I get the wedding invitation, if it works out with my plans than great. If it doesn't, or my H can't get off work and I don't want to go alone, then I'd politely decline.
Personally, if I normally host a Memorial Day BBQ, that sounds more fun anyway and I'd just decline when I got the invite. That's one of the hazards couples face when they have their wedding over a holiday weekend, many guests might already have standing, year after year plans for those times.
@VOR has the perfect, good old chestnut of advice. It's an invitation, not a subpoena. And while I certainly understand the motivation of wanting to accept invitations that are given to me, I wouldn't want to hold up or give up other plans I usually have.
Heck, she may have skipped STDs on purpose and is waiting until 6 weeks specifically hoping that some people won't be able to come!
But this is overthinking it too and in the end, just determine if you want to go for yourself. Don't worry about her motives or thought process. Does it work for you and your DH or not? No harm in RSVPing "no".
And dont' worry about the cost of the invitation and whether or not your A list or B list. She came up with her guest list, you're on it - period. Don't try to second guess motivations! OR her budget, for that matter.
Appreciate that you were invited and then decide if you want to go or not.