How do you feel more positive when money is tight?

vlagrl35

I have to talk to you guys because I don't talk to anyone else about it - friends or family.  I try and count my blessings first - we are not going into more debt, we can pay our bills, we are still saving for retirement and general savings account.  I shouldn't be annoyed should I?  I should just hide these feeling from DH and put on a smiley face and be positive right?

It happened today when we were talking about going to buy flowers which we do every year for the patio - he told me we can't go crazy - meaning watch out how much money we spend on it which I understand.  I guess it just tipped me off and I told him I was done with everything - the studio all of it.  I know we will talk about it later and I should be caring more about his feeling and know this is very temporary and will be over in about 2 months.  I guess I'm just reaching the end of my rope. I guess I'm feeling like my feelings about this shouldn't even matter.

Xstatic3333

I think the way you are feeling is totally legitimate.  You guys are sacrificing so much for the studio, and it is even having an impact on your family/TTC decisions.  I would definitely forgive yourself for feeling at the end of your rope.  I'm so happy that the end is sight for you guys, and in the meantime, go easy on yourself!

To answer your question, when money is tight because we are working on a goal, I just try to envision a really secure future for myself and my family, and how good it would feel to have a child and just feel 1,000% secure that we could weather any surprises and feel like we are in good shape.  We are far from there yet, but the vision keeps me going.  I also try to throw myself into my less expensive hobbies, gardening, running and/or yoga.  Diving is a good escape from other types of stress, but often exacerbates financial worries. 

Hang in there, get some gorgeous but also MM flowers, and remember the end is in sight!  And vent away when necessary.  

vlagrl35

Xstatic3333 said:

I think the way you are feeling is totally legitimate.  You guys are sacrificing so much for the studio, and it is even having an impact on your family/TTC decisions.  I would definitely forgive yourself for feeling at the end of your rope.  I'm so happy that the end is sight for you guys, and in the meantime, go easy on yourself!

To answer your question, when money is tight because we are working on a goal, I just try to envision a really secure future for myself and my family, and how good it would feel to have a child and just feel 1,000% secure that we could weather any surprises and feel like we are in good shape.  We are far from there yet, but the vision keeps me going.  I also try to throw myself into my less expensive hobbies, gardening, running and/or yoga.  Diving is a good escape from other types of stress, but often exacerbates financial worries. 

Hang in there, get some gorgeous but also MM flowers, and remember the end is in sight!  And vent away when necessary.  

thanks!  yes I try and keep the vision going knowing the end is near.  I just didn't know it would take this long when we began.  I'm sounding like a broken record  This is usually the time of year that money starts coming in more because of his busy season starting.  We were already watching our money before the project even started so there really isn't more to cut.  Gotta keep my yoga cause it keeps me sane.  I told him today that maybe we shouldn't buy any flowers this year and he still took me out to get some.  I really was wanting to do a rock wall in the front of our house this spring.  We need to get quotes but I'm starting to think we should wait on that too even though we have cash on hand.

cbee817

Our money was the tightest when DH was laid off for almost 5 months- we welcomed DD#2 one month into his layoff. Although, we still had my salary and DH's unemployment (I got 6 weeks of short term disability from work for the delivery, then used 6 weeks of vacation time to get paid during FMLA), it was stressful but also amazing at the same time. We dropped DD#1 to 2 days a week at day care (minimum # of days so we didn't lose her spot) and we were able to be together as a family much more than a typical maternity leave. We went for walks, used our zoo membership a lot, went to the park, visited with family. It was actually one of the best summers we had together- I had to go back to work at the end of July (and was so sad!), but DH took care of both girls until he got his teaching position restored in September. The biggest thing we did was cut things that were easy- DD#1's day care from 5 days to 2 days, any improvements to the house were postponed, DH cut his extra student loan payments, and luckily we had all of DD#1's baby clothes/things for DD#2. All of our bills were taken care of, we still saved for retirement, and our finances were back on track by end of the year. 

I'm sure once the building is done, things will feel more normal- good luck, stay positive.  

julieanne912

Welcome to how many people live.  

Look at it this way, you have a huge luxury in being able to stay at home with just your side business.  Your husband is working hard to provide for you all, and you're not exactly having to go without during this process... you still have a roof over your heads, plenty of money for your needs, and you're still able to save for your future.  Not getting to plant as many flowers is hardly a hardship (sorry but you sounded really whiny about that part).  

I agree that keeping your eye on the prize ie, his bigger studio and the increased income he'll have as a result, which means a better life for you and your daughter and future child.  And maybe work on focusing on what you do have, vs what you're having to do without.

hoffse

I agree that keeping your eye on the prize is the big thing here.  A couple months is a very short amount of time in the grand scheme.  I understand wanting it to be done - I am an incredibly impatient person - but just tell yourself to stay the course.  You are so close, and you have been able to meet the most important financial goals so far.  

The good news is this is the time of year when a lot of fun and free things start popping up.  Spend some time outdoors and enjoy nice weather.  See if there are any local festivals or things like that in your area.  Often these are free are very cheap - $5 ticket type things.

If you need to kill time to get your mind off of it, maybe go to the library and catch up on some reading.  Or do some extra reading with your daughter.  Actually, around her age was when my mom starting reading real books to me (I suspect because she was sick of Dr. Seuss by then).  It took us ages to get through them because I needed a lot of words defined, but I credit that with sparking an early interest in reading.  We started with Nancy Drew, Narnia, etc.  But then she got a bit bored with those too and we read quite a few classics - Little Women, Tom Sawyer, King Solomon's Mines, Treasure Island, etc.  I remember telling my kindergarten teacher that my favorite book was Jekyll & Hyde.  She had no idea what to make of me, lol.  But seriously, I absolutely ate that kind of thing up and loved it.

Regardless, you guys are in the home stretch here.  Stay the course!

short+sassy

I know what a frustrating time this is for you all.  You see the money rolling out, while less money is rolling in.  Plus the added bummer that this building has also put off the TTCing.

PPs have given some good ideas.  I'd also like to add focusing more on the long term instead of the short term.  The increased income for your H's photography business.  The rental income for the extra spaces to greatly help offset the mortgage.  The better position you and your family will be in once the construction is behind you all.  Project yourself to 1 year and/or 5 years from now, when you all are enjoying the benefits without the large outflow of money.

I sometimes run into the same "aaahhh" feelings when I look at my high HELOC balance due to the real estate investing I've done.  I remind myself "it's okay, it's expected, the money has been used wisely to increase my monthly income (including the monthly HELOC interest I pay), and I'm on track for my long term goals."    

csuave

Focus on the end date, you are almost there.

I've had a couple of breakdowns/outbursts since H has been UE for 2 years now.  One of the things that really got me down is we decided not to get a cleaning person until he got a job.  During one of my bad days I told H that I wanted a break and I wanted to relax a little.  We agreed that since I was carrying all of the financial burden he would take on more around the house and he did all of the cleaning for a month.  It was really nice to have one less thing to worry about that month.  Is there something your H can do for you to make you feel better?  Give you some alone time?  Put together a date night for you?  Give you a massage?

vlagrl35

hoffse said:

I agree that keeping your eye on the prize is the big thing here.  A couple months is a very short amount of time in the grand scheme.  I understand wanting it to be done - I am an incredibly impatient person - but just tell yourself to stay the course.  You are so close, and you have been able to meet the most important financial goals so far.  

The good news is this is the time of year when a lot of fun and free things start popping up.  Spend some time outdoors and enjoy nice weather.  See if there are any local festivals or things like that in your area.  Often these are free are very cheap - $5 ticket type things.

If you need to kill time to get your mind off of it, maybe go to the library and catch up on some reading.  Or do some extra reading with your daughter.  Actually, around her age was when my mom starting reading real books to me (I suspect because she was sick of Dr. Seuss by then).  It took us ages to get through them because I needed a lot of words defined, but I credit that with sparking an early interest in reading.  We started with Nancy Drew, Narnia, etc.  But then she got a bit bored with those too and we read quite a few classics - Little Women, Tom Sawyer, King Solomon's Mines, Treasure Island, etc.  I remember telling my kindergarten teacher that my favorite book was Jekyll & Hyde.  She had no idea what to make of me, lol.  But seriously, I absolutely ate that kind of thing up and loved it.

Regardless, you guys are in the home stretch here.  Stay the course!

Summer reading program at the library does start up soon and we will be hitting the library a lot more then.

Didn't mean to sound whiny - maybe I was lol.  Flowers are usually not a problem in our normal budget and I honestly can put less money in savings to help us feel not so tight but I've been really trying to avoid it.

vlagrl35

csuave said:

Focus on the end date, you are almost there.

I've had a couple of breakdowns/outbursts since H has been UE for 2 years now.  One of the things that really got me down is we decided not to get a cleaning person until he got a job.  During one of my bad days I told H that I wanted a break and I wanted to relax a little.  We agreed that since I was carrying all of the financial burden he would take on more around the house and he did all of the cleaning for a month.  It was really nice to have one less thing to worry about that month.  Is there something your H can do for you to make you feel better?  Give you some alone time?  Put together a date night for you?  Give you a massage?

I got money set aside for myself from my gig money to get an hour massage and facial next month for my bday  

jtmh2012

vlagrl35 said:

Didn't mean to sound whiny - maybe I was lol.  Flowers are usually not a problem in our normal budget and I honestly can put less money in savings to help us feel not so tight but I've been really trying to avoid it.

For what it's worth, I don't think you came off as whiny.  More as someone who was drug along on a ride you didn't really want to go on to begin with and maybe even being marginalized in the process.

MommyLiberty5013

I didn't think you sounded whiny either. Normal emotions good and bad come with this process of waiting and saving.

Is there a neighbor or family member you could go in halfsies with on flowers and buy a big tray of them to split? Also, try shopping at a more locally-owned greenhouse versus a big box store for flowers, you may find some deals.

You could grow some determinant tomatoes (these are ones that reach a growth point and stop. Other varieties of tomoatoes can be indeterminent and those need staking)! Then, you could also grow your food!

Or, herbs would work too!

vlagrl35

jtmh2012 said:

vlagrl35 said:

Didn't mean to sound whiny - maybe I was lol.  Flowers are usually not a problem in our normal budget and I honestly can put less money in savings to help us feel not so tight but I've been really trying to avoid it.

For what it's worth, I don't think you came off as whiny.  More as someone who was drug along on a ride you didn't really want to go on to begin with and maybe even being marginalized in the process.

Oh well I wasn't that either. I've really supported him in this as its been his life long dream. When his GC bailed I supported him being his own. All mainly because I know he can make us much more money if he owned his own place and stopped renting. Plus he can start doing more agency work which is better paying. I just may be a bit impatient and I need to remember just a couple more months

vlagrl35

MommyLiberty5013 said:

I didn't think you sounded whiny either. Normal emotions good and bad come with this process of waiting and saving.

Is there a neighbor or family member you could go in halfsies with on flowers and buy a big tray of them to split? Also, try shopping at a more locally-owned greenhouse versus a big box store for flowers, you may find some deals.

You could grow some determinant tomatoes (these are ones that reach a growth point and stop. Other varieties of tomoatoes can be indeterminent and those need staking)! Then, you could also grow your food!

Or, herbs would work too!

He took me out Saturday and we just bought less which is fine. I found a cool strawberry hanging plant. I also had a coupon at one of our local places. This really is my favorite time of year. I really enjoy flowers.

cbee817

  

vlagrl35 said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

I didn't think you sounded whiny either. Normal emotions good and bad come with this process of waiting and saving.

Is there a neighbor or family member you could go in halfsies with on flowers and buy a big tray of them to split? Also, try shopping at a more locally-owned greenhouse versus a big box store for flowers, you may find some deals.

You could grow some determinant tomatoes (these are ones that reach a growth point and stop. Other varieties of tomoatoes can be indeterminent and those need staking)! Then, you could also grow your food!

Or, herbs would work too!

He took me out Saturday and we just bought less which is fine. I found a cool strawberry hanging plant. I also had a coupon at one of our local places. This really is my favorite time of year. I really enjoy flowers.

Maybe for the fall, you can get a bunch of bulbs or bushes instead of annuals. We have tons of lilies, tulips, 3 lilac bushes, 2 rose bushes, hydrengas, and 2 clematis plants that grow up our side fence every year. We also have blueberry bushes- easy to maintain and the girls can pick the berries right off the bush. Something to keep to mind- annuals are nice, but having to buy them every year is annoying to me. We do get hanging baskets every summer and mums/pumpkins for the fall, but other than that, it's all flowers that come back every year. 

jtmh2012

cbee817 said:

Something to keep to mind- annuals are nice, but having to buy them every year is annoying to me. We do get hanging baskets every summer and mums/pumpkins for the fall, but other than that, it's all flowers that come back every year. 

This.  About the only think I'll buy as an annual is Vinca.  Beyond that, we don't for money and time reasons.

vlagrl35

cbee817 said:

  

vlagrl35 said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

I didn't think you sounded whiny either. Normal emotions good and bad come with this process of waiting and saving.

Is there a neighbor or family member you could go in halfsies with on flowers and buy a big tray of them to split? Also, try shopping at a more locally-owned greenhouse versus a big box store for flowers, you may find some deals.

You could grow some determinant tomatoes (these are ones that reach a growth point and stop. Other varieties of tomoatoes can be indeterminent and those need staking)! Then, you could also grow your food!

Or, herbs would work too!

He took me out Saturday and we just bought less which is fine. I found a cool strawberry hanging plant. I also had a coupon at one of our local places. This really is my favorite time of year. I really enjoy flowers.

Maybe for the fall, you can get a bunch of bulbs or bushes instead of annuals. We have tons of lilies, tulips, 3 lilac bushes, 2 rose bushes, hydrengas, and 2 clematis plants that grow up our side fence every year. We also have blueberry bushes- easy to maintain and the girls can pick the berries right off the bush. Something to keep to mind- annuals are nice, but having to buy them every year is annoying to me. We do get hanging baskets every summer and mums/pumpkins for the fall, but other than that, it's all flowers that come back every year. 

I have thought about that. Our annual flower budget is usually no more the $125. Thing is I'm afraid my dad would mow them over if we had flowers in our yard. He mows our yard because dh is allergic to grass. So I put them in pots on our patio. We buy mums in the fall to put on our front porch.

Xstatic3333

jtmh2012 said:

cbee817 said:

Something to keep to mind- annuals are nice, but having to buy them every year is annoying to me. We do get hanging baskets every summer and mums/pumpkins for the fall, but other than that, it's all flowers that come back every year. 

This.  About the only think I'll buy as an annual is Vinca.  Beyond that, we don't for money and time reasons.

Thanks for making me feel less cheap! I love many annuals, but can never bring myself to buy them when the perennials on the next shelf are the same price.

jtmh2012

Xstatic3333 said:

jtmh2012 said:

cbee817 said:

Something to keep to mind- annuals are nice, but having to buy them every year is annoying to me. We do get hanging baskets every summer and mums/pumpkins for the fall, but other than that, it's all flowers that come back every year. 

This.  About the only think I'll buy as an annual is Vinca.  Beyond that, we don't for money and time reasons.

Thanks for making me feel less cheap! I love many annuals, but can never bring myself to buy them when the perennials on the next shelf are the same price.

No problem.  We have a huge yard with a lot of landscaping (was done before we bought it).  There is no way we could afford that many plants every year.

vlagrl35

I think if we had some sort of landscaping in our backyard I would plant in the ground, but its kind of low on my priority list right now.  Our front yard needs it bad.  Ideally I would like a rock wall up against the front of our house - keep 2-3 of the bushes there and get rid of the rest then add maybe 2 more.

cbee817

You would have to dig out some flower beds on your property. 

We got a 2-3 foot tall lilac bush for DH's mom for Mother's Day last year- it was only $35. Tulip/lily bulbs are pretty cheap- we usually can get a 15-20 pack of bulbs for $10 or so at Home Depot. It may be a little investment up front but you could always spread it over a few seasons. It's a fun project too- the best part is just planting them once, watering/feeding everything, and watching the beautiful flowers come out from spring through fall.  

For example, we have a large flower bed in front of our front porch- there are 2 dwarf spruce trees, some box woods, 2 flowering bushes (that I can't remember the name of), and then some small flowering plants and tulips in front of everything. Our entire side area between our house and driveway have lilies and hosta plants. On the other side of the driveway, we have a lilac bush, 2 rose bushes, hydrangeas, a clematis vine, lily of the valley, and peonies. Then our back yard has a bunch of lilies, blueberry bushes, 2 lilac bushes, a huge hosta, a japanese maple tree, another clematis vine, and 3 arborvitaes that border the back fence and one side of the yard. And we have a really small yard- our neighborhood is a first ring suburb of the city so we're built in blocks and the houses are only separated by a driveway and a small strip of land. DH also built a trellis with a window box at the bottom for pea pods- the girls love those too so we get seeds from my parents' farm every year for that. 

vlagrl35

I've decided this really isn't about the flowers - certain things I think just tip me off the edge a bit. I've decided I'm going to look at our budget today and see what else we can cut.  I feel we live really frugally but I'm sure I can find more things.  I'm also going to talk to DH tonight about those cuts in the budget and about how I'm disappointed.  Not necessarily in him but in the situation we are in even though the light is near the end.  I've also decided I"m going to look for more students because I don't like living so "tight" in the budget - I like wiggle room.  I know he doesn't want me to get more students because he believes this financial thing is going to change for the better which I also believe but I also like to live in the current moment.  I have 9 students and I can probably handle about 3 more without going insane.  We have 8 weddings next month plus 1 dress rehearsal and I'm playing all but 1 of those.  With also watching DD full-time it can get tricky juggling it all.  Thanks for listening to my vent over the weekend:)  

vlagrl35

I've found we can cut back to the minimum on my school loan payments ($14 less), cut DDs violin ($34) and dance lessons ($49) for the summer (as much as that kills me), no money spending for entertainment (just free stuff)  our budget was only about $20 per month for entertainment, cut our climate control monthly fee of $21.  Honestly the most savings is in dance and violin - all the other stuff is minimal. we don't eat out much anyways but I want to cut it by half.  Try and stick to this budget until DH moves in his new space.  Luckily there is no preschool during summer so we will save $160 a month on that.

vlagrl35

Also it annoys me that he doesn't want to use any of our "slow" fund to help us through and that's what its there for.  I'm going to ask him that we use it or I'm going to put him in charge of paying all our bills so he can see for himself where everything goes.

jtmh2012

vlagrl35 said:

Also it annoys me that he doesn't want to use any of our "slow" fund to help us through and that's what its there for.  I'm going to ask him that we use it or I'm going to put him in charge of paying all our bills so he can see for himself where everything goes.

I guess this is where my "marginalized" comment came from earlier.  Even though you'll both see the benefits of this studio when it's finished.  To me it just seems like any of your wants/desires have been put on hold while he's working on it and to me that's just not fair.  Even your cuts are cuts to your stuff.  Your school loans.  Your dance lessons.  Your desire to TTC.  Etc.

vlagrl35

jtmh2012 said:

vlagrl35 said:

Also it annoys me that he doesn't want to use any of our "slow" fund to help us through and that's what its there for.  I'm going to ask him that we use it or I'm going to put him in charge of paying all our bills so he can see for himself where everything goes.

I guess this is where my "marginalized" comment came from earlier.  Even though you'll both see the benefits of this studio when it's finished.  To me it just seems like any of your wants/desires have been put on hold while he's working on it and to me that's just not fair.  Even your cuts are cuts to your stuff.  Your school loans.  Your dance lessons.  Your desire to TTC.  Etc.

Yeah I totally understand what you are saying and maybe you are right.  He already told me he doesn't want to cut DD's violin lessons - he said if he had to he wouldn't eat so we could afford to keep her in violin lessons.  I sure as HELL am not cutting my yoga studio time - I've been amping up my practice with what little time I have to devote myself to.  Its a great creative outlet for me besides my music career.  It helps me become more mindful of life and keep my body in shape.

I've been google "disappointment" and what to do for yourself when you find life kind of lets you down.  So, its under my control the outlook and feelings I have in my life, but I do need to express them and not keep them inward because that will make it worse.  But dang it I just want to stomp my foot sometimes and pout - lol

csuave

vlagrl35 said:

jtmh2012 said:

vlagrl35 said:

Also it annoys me that he doesn't want to use any of our "slow" fund to help us through and that's what its there for.  I'm going to ask him that we use it or I'm going to put him in charge of paying all our bills so he can see for himself where everything goes.

I guess this is where my "marginalized" comment came from earlier.  Even though you'll both see the benefits of this studio when it's finished.  To me it just seems like any of your wants/desires have been put on hold while he's working on it and to me that's just not fair.  Even your cuts are cuts to your stuff.  Your school loans.  Your dance lessons.  Your desire to TTC.  Etc.

Yeah I totally understand what you are saying and maybe you are right.  He already told me he doesn't want to cut DD's violin lessons - he said if he had to he wouldn't eat so we could afford to keep her in violin lessons.  I sure as HELL am not cutting my yoga studio time - I've been amping up my practice with what little time I have to devote myself to.  Its a great creative outlet for me besides my music career.  It helps me become more mindful of life and keep my body in shape.

I've been google "disappointment" and what to do for yourself when you find life kind of lets you down.  So, its under my control the outlook and feelings I have in my life, but I do need to express them and not keep them inward because that will make it worse.  But dang it I just want to stomp my foot sometimes and pout - lol

To the bolded, yep, that is what led to my "outbursts" I mentioned in my previous post.  Maybe you can get ahead of an episode like that by telling your H you want to talk and see if together you can come up with solutions to make it feel like you have more breathing room/aren't sacrificing so much...like using $x from the slow fund.

vlagrl35

csuave said:

vlagrl35 said:

jtmh2012 said:

vlagrl35 said:

Also it annoys me that he doesn't want to use any of our "slow" fund to help us through and that's what its there for.  I'm going to ask him that we use it or I'm going to put him in charge of paying all our bills so he can see for himself where everything goes.

I guess this is where my "marginalized" comment came from earlier.  Even though you'll both see the benefits of this studio when it's finished.  To me it just seems like any of your wants/desires have been put on hold while he's working on it and to me that's just not fair.  Even your cuts are cuts to your stuff.  Your school loans.  Your dance lessons.  Your desire to TTC.  Etc.

Yeah I totally understand what you are saying and maybe you are right.  He already told me he doesn't want to cut DD's violin lessons - he said if he had to he wouldn't eat so we could afford to keep her in violin lessons.  I sure as HELL am not cutting my yoga studio time - I've been amping up my practice with what little time I have to devote myself to.  Its a great creative outlet for me besides my music career.  It helps me become more mindful of life and keep my body in shape.

I've been google "disappointment" and what to do for yourself when you find life kind of lets you down.  So, its under my control the outlook and feelings I have in my life, but I do need to express them and not keep them inward because that will make it worse.  But dang it I just want to stomp my foot sometimes and pout - lol

To the bolded, yep, that is what led to my "outbursts" I mentioned in my previous post.  Maybe you can get ahead of an episode like that by telling your H you want to talk and see if together you can come up with solutions to make it feel like you have more breathing room/aren't sacrificing so much...like using $x from the slow fund.

you're absolutely 100% right.  I need to.  I think I've been trying to stay so positive for him that now I"m at the end of my rope so to speak with nothing left to give.  We lived very tight when DD was first born 5 years ago.  That's when I started an e fund, paid off credit cards and finally started putting $$ in retirement again and making DH save a certain amount every year for his slow time.  I never wanted to live like that again.  It helped me sleep better at night.  I just need that.  It annoys me that I'm feeling like we are so tight again on money.

Xstatic3333

vlagrl35 said:

csuave said:

vlagrl35 said:

jtmh2012 said:

vlagrl35 said:

Also it annoys me that he doesn't want to use any of our "slow" fund to help us through and that's what its there for.  I'm going to ask him that we use it or I'm going to put him in charge of paying all our bills so he can see for himself where everything goes.

I guess this is where my "marginalized" comment came from earlier.  Even though you'll both see the benefits of this studio when it's finished.  To me it just seems like any of your wants/desires have been put on hold while he's working on it and to me that's just not fair.  Even your cuts are cuts to your stuff.  Your school loans.  Your dance lessons.  Your desire to TTC.  Etc.

Yeah I totally understand what you are saying and maybe you are right.  He already told me he doesn't want to cut DD's violin lessons - he said if he had to he wouldn't eat so we could afford to keep her in violin lessons.  I sure as HELL am not cutting my yoga studio time - I've been amping up my practice with what little time I have to devote myself to.  Its a great creative outlet for me besides my music career.  It helps me become more mindful of life and keep my body in shape.

I've been google "disappointment" and what to do for yourself when you find life kind of lets you down.  So, its under my control the outlook and feelings I have in my life, but I do need to express them and not keep them inward because that will make it worse.  But dang it I just want to stomp my foot sometimes and pout - lol

To the bolded, yep, that is what led to my "outbursts" I mentioned in my previous post.  Maybe you can get ahead of an episode like that by telling your H you want to talk and see if together you can come up with solutions to make it feel like you have more breathing room/aren't sacrificing so much...like using $x from the slow fund.

you're absolutely 100% right.  I need to.  I think I've been trying to stay so positive for him that now I"m at the end of my rope so to speak with nothing left to give.  We lived very tight when DD was first born 5 years ago.  That's when I started an e fund, paid off credit cards and finally started putting $$ in retirement again and making DH save a certain amount every year for his slow time.  I never wanted to live like that again.  It helped me sleep better at night.  I just need that.  It annoys me that I'm feeling like we are so tight again on money.

I agree with others that it sounds like time for a heart to heart/budget meeting. We need them from time to time, too. From what we've heard here, there's some room for your H to compromise while also allowing you to keep budget items that are important to you and DD. Keep us posted with how it all goes!

brij2006

Do you and your H do the budget together? As in, go over it, discuss it, talk about things coming up for the month and how much they will cost?
Maybe getting him to handle a bit more of the budgeting process, will help him see what all is being sacrificed at this time.  Then you also have the opportunity to voice and discuss what you would like to spend money on (i.e. flowers).

It doesn't mean he has to sit down and do the nitty gritty of the budget with you, but you put the budget together, print it out, give him a pen, and have him look over and see where he thinks needs to be adjusted.  Or if there's something you left out that he thinks needs to be added, then he has the opportunity to do so.  It also gives you the opportunity to say you want/plan to spend X on flowers and it can be discussed while looking at the overall budget.

vlagrl35

brij2006 said:

Do you and your H do the budget together? As in, go over it, discuss it, talk about things coming up for the month and how much they will cost?
Maybe getting him to handle a bit more of the budgeting process, will help him see what all is being sacrificed at this time.  Then you also have the opportunity to voice and discuss what you would like to spend money on (i.e. flowers).

It doesn't mean he has to sit down and do the nitty gritty of the budget with you, but you put the budget together, print it out, give him a pen, and have him look over and see where he thinks needs to be adjusted.  Or if there's something you left out that he thinks needs to be added, then he has the opportunity to do so.  It also gives you the opportunity to say you want/plan to spend X on flowers and it can be discussed while looking at the overall budget.

I do our annual budget every August before school starts every year.  Then I sit him down with me to go over it.  

I talked to him last night about the cuts I found we could do and he didn't want to do any of them because they are so small, most ranging $15-20.  He did tell me that he signed on a new renter at his current leased studio which makes 3 current renters so that will help and he has a couple new jobs coming in.  Bad news though is he re-injured his back when we were planting flowers.  We think he slipped one of his discs and its sitting on the sciatic nerve because he is having constant pain on his leg.  We will have to get him back to seeing the chiro more regularly.  We need to spend $250 to meet his individual deductible before it pays out at 90%.  That will come out of our savings.

I did end the conversation with letting him know that I've already have held off TTC so I expect the slow fund to be used if we have to.