FMLA, non-bio baby..questions!

ElizabethD

My  friend's wife is having TWINS after a year of fertility issues and almost running out of the donor sperm (they have a son and wanted to keep half siblings...sperm donor skipped town before donating his full amount so they were getting worried)  YAY for successful IVF and IDENTICAL twins!

Her wifes employer is awful and with twins it's likely she'll have to be on bedrest at 6 months and deliver early... which means the employer could say NO to 12 more weeks of FMLA.... I will dig into MN law about being on short-term disability while on bedrest then whether she can kick into Long Term Disabilty for that first six weeks post partem...can you really fire someone at 12 weeks who is on medical leave??

But here's my main question.  Can my friend take FMLA if it's her wifes babies...it seems the question is:  Can adoption happen at BIRTH for lesbian couples?  I'm just wondering how that works and how I can help my friend manage all this insanity and fear of money, losing jobs, etc.

This is one of the many reasons it pisses me off that GBLT don't have the same rights as straight couples.  Her wife, if she gets fired, will have to get on COBRA ($$$) or private insurance.

TIA for any guidance.  I'm a former HR person and know quite a bit about the MN insurance options but I'm totally uncertain about the non-bio parent in a lesbian relationship... I know straights can just "say" who the dad is on the birth certificate but then it's our hetero-biased culture that lets that happen.  Are there websites that show GBLT rights by state?

Mrs._F

Congrats to your friends on their twins!

Here are a couple organizations whose websites might be of help - Human Rights Campaign (HRC.org - they definitely have state by state info, but I'm not sure how in-depth), National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR).

Second-parent adoption (by non-bio mom in lesbian relationship), does not happen at birth.  Each state has different procedures, and none of them are instant.  However, her employer could choose to recognize that she is staying home with her spouse and newborns and give her the FML (some companies have very same-sex family friendly policies, or may be able to apply a policy that they have for employees who adopt).

Hope that helps a little.  Your friends are lucky to have your help weeding through all of this stuff!  It's staggering the hoops that many of us have to jump through just to care for our families.

ctbride08

Ditto Mrs. F - in MN the process of second parent adoption is def not instant...its actually pretty lengthly, imo. Therefore the employer will have the discretion to apply FMLA, or not. Other options she might want to discuss with her supervisor are working from home, modified hours, or going part time for a number of weeks. 

Its a very tough situation, but i'm confident they will find something that works for them and thier growing family!

 

thiswillbe

Ditto pps. One thing to add: if they are planning to have a lawyer assist them with a second-parent adoption, they might want to get that person on-board before the birth. Though it's not instantaneous, sometimes it can be fast-tracked. We are planning to have all the paperwork essentially ready to go upon the birth of our future child(ren). We have a lawyer lined up who has successfully gotten adoptions fast-tracked in our state, and he will meet us at the hospital immediately after the birth to start the process. Good luck to you and them! Feel free to invite her to join us here, too. We're a friendly bunch.

ElizabethD

Thanks ladies!!  and I'll definitely let her know about ya'll!  Her wife works nonstop (she's a vet) and is basically gone 4 days AND nights a week.  I felt so bad, chatting with her in Facebook the other day and she was SO GRATEFUL for our convo because she had been alone with a sick kid and felt so isolated.

So ya'll might just be the distraction she needs!