advice needed for a young couple...

Daniellechanel3

Hi, im new here...but I'm loving the vibe!!! And thought that maybe you all could help me out a little! Is anyone on here from the East Coast?? My fiancee and I are planning a civil union in NJ, kinda like a planned elopement. (lol) All of her family knows and about 98% accept it, most of my family doesnt know--mainly because my mom doesnt care for it (meaning she doesnt mind hearing about some stuff...even asks sometimes...but doesnt want to see it---im newly out:: 2.5yrs but little over a year to mom) and preferred me not "share"....just yet. Our original date was July 3, 2009 (I have a thing for numbers, especially "3" or multiples of it)...but we decided we didnt want to wait until then. We decided to bump the CU up to March 21, and have a reception/big party on July 3, 2009. We figured we'd just go to the city hall and do it, and spend all the money for July (I will do a simple dress...she a suit) However....I'm sort of confused as to the process of doing it in NJ. (Im originally from NJ, but now in MD..she lives in DC) I understand the license part, but im not sure of the ceremony aspect.  Can anyone help me with that? Also does our plan sound fesible? Oh...and should I tell my mom, even though she doesnt approve? Thanks...and sorry the post is a little long!

Duchess1

Welcome and congratulations!

There are lots of East Coast ladies who will give you great advice and specifics for your area.

I am West Coaster but I will say that your plan does seem doable. As for your mom, I would tell her. Even if she doesn't come or recognize your big day, you gave her the chance to be a part of it. She will have to live with her decision. She may pleasantly surprise you though!

 Good Luck :-)

ctbride08

welcome glad you stopped by and we'd love it if you stuck around!

I'm from CT and got my marriage license in MA so maybe i can help a smidge on the details? the biggest thing you'll need to find out is if the town clerk or someone in the town hall can actually perform the ceremony - and in this context, "ceremony" simply means the legality of an exchange of vows.  In MA you must hire/bring your own officient because no one in the town clerk's office can make it official - so we picked up the license (which we had to apply for 3 days prior) then met up with a justice of the peace on a local beach where we exchanged brief vows and viola - married   Conversely, i think CT allows you to have true "town hall weddings" where you go, fill out the paperwork, and someone in the office marries you.  Your best bet is to figure out what town you will be married in and call the town clerk - they get these questions allllll the time and will be happy to give you the details.

As for telling your mom, I 100% agree with duchess - tell her. the worst she can do is say she's not interested...which you figured anyway....but she just might surprise you.

best of luck!

cymru

We were married by the county clerk in the county which we live. We filed for the liscence 2 weeks before in our town, and we had set the date with the CC 's office probably 6 months in advance. It was a nice little ceremony with us, a few friends and my in laws. ( We had already done the committment ceremony/ big wedding thing three years before)

If there is anything I can help you with let me know.

~Kennedy

Koneko

We-ell, even if your mom has trouble dealing with some of the details of your sexual orientation, it doesn't change that she's your mother and you're getting married(ish). Most mothers would feel left out not to be informed at all. If she's uninterested, she's uninterested, and that's a shame.

?I'm not on the Coast, so I can't really help there.?

thiswillbe

I don't have any advice about NJ, but just wanted to say "hi". We're in the DC metro area, too! As for telling your mom, I agree with pps: give her the opportunity to be receptive to it and possibly attend. After that, the decision is on her. (But know the decision may not be what you want it to be, and prepare yourself for that. Neither of my parents attended our wedding.)

Daniellechanel3

Hi...and thanks for the quick responses!! I think we've decided on Salem County, NJ, because it's the closest---and having to go back in forth in nj to apply for the license then have to pick it up---can be a lot! (at first we were gonna do atlantic city...lol....but too far to go back and forth  ....im from Essex County--West Caldwell--for my Jersey ladies lol...but thats def too far!) Do you know about Salem County??

Thanks again everyone!!