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Didn't think I'd find myself asking this....
but then again it's no surprise either. DH and I have hit a rough patch that I don't think we can work through on our own. We've both been unhappy for some time. It finally came to head Saturday night when I absolutely lost it on him. I haven't felt right about it since. The words were true, but my actions and reaction were blown out of proportion. I told him last night that I wanted to talk about what happened over the weekend whenever he was ready to talk. I brought it up because I was ready to talk, but I didn't know where he stood and I wanted to give him time and space to think about it(if he hadn't already) before talking about it. He said he was ready then and so we did.
It was the best 'listening' conversation we've ever had. I think we both heard each other. No one screamed and yelled. I want to go to counseling to see if we can make it work, he doesn't know what he wants. He thinks he wants to do a trial separation, but he thinks counseling might be good too. We're going to revist the conversation tomorrow night and hopefully he will have reached some sort of decision.
I feel good about our talk. I'm glad things are out in the open and we're going to figure it all out. I'm actually okay with whatever happens. I don't want to separate, but if that's going to make us a happier family, than so be it.
I didn't mean to make this post so long! Really I just wanted to ask for some recommendations for a marriage counselor just in case we decide to go that route. We'd need someone straightforward and honest....not some one that's singsongysappysweet. lol. We're in the San Fernando Valley. If you'd like to email your rec instead of posting it, my email is: hotrodkittykat@yahoo.com.
I guess I'd also love some thoughts, prayers, and hugs. I don't know how it's going to turn out, and I don't even know how I want it to turn out....but it's going to end up somewhere - I just hope it's the right somewhere.
Thank you for reading all that just to get to one simple question. :-)
Re: Didn't think I'd find myself asking this....
Oh Nicole,
lots of hugs and prayers. I know it is hard. Trust me, dh and I have had our series of big fights. It is normal for every couple to have high and low points in the relationship. Especially with a baby and the economy right now. It puts extra stress on everyone.
The number one thing is commuication. Being able to listen and talk about feelings in a calm manner is so important. Also, is there a way you two can get away for a mini vacay without the baby. Sometimes a little alone time is all a couple needs.
We are all here for you to listen and support whatever outcome.
Oh Nicole! Big hugs to you and Shaun through this most difficult time. I'm sure most of us here can say we've been through some rough patches, I know Sean and I have. That first year of Gavin's life was very difficult on our marriage.
You two will need all the strength you can muster up to pull through this. Seeing someone is a great start, I wish that I had a referral for you, but I don't.
Just know that you have lots of girls here that care for you and you can lean on us anytime.
I'm so sorry you guys are going through this
J and I have been down this road too. Listen really is key especially without all the screaming. You have the right idea to seek outside help. I hope everything works out.
Oh Nicole. I'm sorry you are going through this. I really hope things can work themselves out. You know Erik and I almost split the year after our wedding. It seemed as though things were unfixable. Life was too hard and it just seemed easier to end it. (After the rough year of our wedding with him losing his mom and Grandma within a week, he pushed me away and in turn I just kept walking in the other direction) But the night we sat down, talked and he said he would be moving out, we both realized, this was not what we wanted. At all. It took alot of talking, listening and getting back to where we were before we were a married couple.
Good luck to you my friend. I'm here if you need me.
Hey Nicole,
Tons of hugs to you. I'll keep you guys in my thoughts prayers. I know this is a difficult time, but I'm glad you guys are working through it slowly. I'm sure you guys will make the best decision for your family. (((hugs)))
Sending you lots of hugs!!
We've all gone through rough patches as everyone else has said ... it's just a matter of whether or not you can work through them. And if you decide you can't, that's ok too!! You need to do what's right for you and A!
Nicole,
I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. It is a positive step that you both realize that you need to have some change and congrats to you for taking a step in that direction. I hope you guys can get the help you need and can work through things. I think counseling is a great idea. Best of luck to you and your marriage. (((HUGS)))
Just wanted to send you a hug and hope that you can work things out for the best, for both of you.
((HUGS))
aw honey, you are not alone with this! There are some days I wonder how my marriage can last, but it really comes down to talking about your issues and trying to be the best wife/husband you can be to each other. It's so hard with the baby -as a mom, I'm sure you feel like A takes up all your energy (Blair sure does!) but you have already taken the biggest --and hardest-- step by talking about it and being open to counseling. That's much better than stewing in unhappiness.
You have my good thoughts!
I'm sorry you're going through this Nicole!
But like a lot of people have said, we've been there at one point or another... Don't hesitate to contact someone for a friendly ear. I know sometimes it's easier to talk to online friends than people who are major figures in your life.
Wishing you solace and strength...
Nicole, I'm so very sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I hope you both come to a decision that works for both of you and helps provide you and Allison with a happy and healthy family dynamic. As for the counselor, someone I know is going to:
Joseph R. Venema, Ph.D.
595 E. Colorado Blvd., Ste 530, Pasadena
626.405.0978
His rate is $180/hr. If you have any questions about him feel free to email me and I can ask my friend for specifics. I know she did a bunch of research before choosing him.
I am super late on this sorry!
?((((hugs)))
Congrats on sitting down and talking. Sometimes that is all you need. Really listen to the other person.?I hope you are able to work something out where you & your family are happy.
You will be in my thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime. Sometimes its easier to talk to someone who knows nothing of situation & is unbiased.