Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Named lesbian sister guardian of my potential children - is this overturnable?
HI there, I'm probably not your typical poster on these boards.
My husband and I are a straight couple living in a rather conservative state where gay people have zero rights. We're currently trying to adopt internationally, and as part of that process have had to nomniate guardian for those children in the event of our deaths.
In terms of financial stability, character, values, and ability to give our children the love and support they'd need in that scenario, the winner by a long shot is my sister and her girlfriend. They own a house together a few states away (in a very liberal state, though I'm not certain gay people are allowed to adopt there). They agreed, though our social worker advised us to "spare ourselves the heartache" and name just my sister and not her girlfriend. Which we did.
Here is my question - can one of you assure me that if we were to die, there is nothing that could be done to prevent or challenge my sister and her girlfriend from taking custody of our children? ie, could our state say, "We don't think gay people should be parents, we're putting these kids into foster care"? Could some of our more bible-thumping family members challenge that part of our will? (Long story short, we don't have a relationship with the extended relatives who chose to shun my sister when she came out.) Do the wishes of the parents supercede state law?
If any of you all are named Guardian, what did the parents put in place to protect you? Shall I plan to earmark money for my sister for a custody battle? Should we name a back-up guardian or a different guardian, even if it means that our children wouldn't be as well taken care of? Should we name a different guardian entirely, and if so how do we explain that to my sister without making her feel like crap?
TIA!
Re: Named lesbian sister guardian of my potential children - is this overturnable?
Well my best advice is to find a lawyer to help answer these questions. Try HRC (www.hrc.org), GLAAD (http://glaad.org/), or the ACLU (http://aclu.org/) as they maybe able to answer these questions over the phone - regardless of your state.
My two cents - if you name your sister as guardian (which I think is wonderful) than you should probably have a trust drawn up. A trust will ensure that your sister can get your legal property without having to go to probate court.
Check back later this week, as this board is kind of slow on the weekends.
Good Luck!
William born 7/12/2000
Andrew born 10/30/2011 (9lb 4oz at 37 weeks)
William born 7/12/2000
Andrew born 10/30/2011 (9lb 4oz at 37 weeks)
ditto pp's suggestions about consulting with an attorney in your state - it can get pretty hairy in certain places and situations.
My aunt has recently named me as the legal guardian of her son (my cousin) and due to the state we live in (CT) its very unlikely that any issue will arise; however, to play it extra safe, only my name was placed on the designation even though i'm married and its her intention for my wife and I to care for him.
best of luck! its insanely fustrating that we're still struggling over these hurdles in 2009!
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
