Same-Sex Households
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
greatest fear about having kids? (non-clicky poll)
Random Monday BOTB poll, because it's snowing and I can't concentrate... 
1) What is/was your greatest fear about having kids?
2) What is/was your partner's greatest fear about having kids?
3) If you did, how did you resolve the above issues or attempt to address your/your partner's concerns?
4) If you already have kids, have your fears materialized?
married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
Re: greatest fear about having kids? (non-clicky poll)
1) What is your greatest fear about having kids? I guess my greatest fear is that K won't connect with them.
2) What is your partner's greatest fear about having kids? Having a child with a disability.
3) If you did, how did you resolve the above issues or attempt to address your/your partner's concerns? I don't know that we can. Our views are pretty much set. She would chose one path and I'd chose another. At this point there is no resolve, but we aren't faced with a choice either. If we end up facing a choice then we'll see.
4) If you already have kids, have your fears materialized? Let's hope they don't.
1. Finances - can we really afford this
2. I think money is her biggest fear too.
3. We have just had to make some changes in our lifestyle ( less eating out- watching what we spend)
4. heh. Even preparing for a kid is expensive... but it will be all worth it.
~Kennedy
1) My greatest fear: My greatest fear is that I'll have difficulty balancing work and family life. I am something of a workaholic (though trying to reform!).
2) Partner's greatest fear: Sylvia's greatest fear is that the kid will come between us. We spend a lot of time together, and a young child will definitely mean that our evenings of snuggling on the couch (etc.) will change. S is worried that we'll grow apart under the daily stress of a young child.
3) Resolution: No resolution yet. We're trying to talk about our concerns and devise strategies to address them, but sometimes it is slow going. The truth is we really won't know how it will be until the child has arrived, so strategies or no strategies, most of the time we'll be "winging it."
4) Materialized fears: Not really, but my stepdaughter is older and we don't actively co-parent (S does the formal parenting, though she usually seeks my advice). Our parenting styles differ somewhat, which means we sometimes butt heads. That said, our baby won't be an instant teenager (thank goodness!!) so we have some time to work that out.
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
1) What is/was your greatest fear about having kids? I worry about having a child with special needs and also if I will be a good parent.
2) What is/was your partner's greatest fear about having kids? S worries about money and how the world will treat out child.
3) If you did, how did you resolve the above issues or attempt to address your/your partner's concerns? There is really no way to deal with it other then budget for the money and get all the testing for the baby prenatally. I just need to have faith in my ability to parent and stop worring.
4) If you already have kids, have your fears materialized? n/a
1. Pre-kids my biggests fears were: lack of sleep, affording children, and being a good parent.
2. Pre-kids L's biggest fears were finances. And if her family would accept our children into the family and acknowledge her as their mother.
4. Regarding finances - we just lept in. We figured that there are a lot of people who make a lot less money than we do and do okay. We never sat down and formalized a budget - and honestly if we had, we might never of had kids! Of course we were really thrown for a loop when we had twins! The finances just worked itself out. We both got raises, we eat out less or at less expensive places (not too fun going out with 2 squealing infants!) and watch what we spend. Things will get a lot better when we aren't employing our nanny.
Re: Lack of sleep - it just is. I've learned to function on less sleep - partly in thanks to a child who STILL doesn't sleep through the night at nearly 3 years old. I think I've slept a continuous 7 hours of sleep less than 10 times in nearly 3 years. Yea, I still grumble about it - but I function. I make sure I go to bed early (usually by 10pm) and get excited when the kids sleep till 7 (that has happened less than 10 times too!)
Re: Being a good parent - sometimes I am a good parent. Sometimes I am a great parent. Sometimes I am a horrible parent. We all have our days/moments. Hopefully the good and great outweigh the horrible! So far the kids seem happy, well adjusted, and full of love.
Re: L's family accepting the kids - It has been great. They are grandchildren just like the first 7! When we vist/they visit us, we just go along with our usual ways of L parenting - feeding, changing diapers, discipling, etc and it has never been an issue. We model that the kids call her Mom or Mommy and in turn her family does too "Hand this to Mommy, please." Ironically, my parents have a harder time seeing L as an equal parent. Sigh.
2) What is/was your partner's greatest fear about having kids? Probably money/division of labor around the house and they notion that she won't know what to do, i.e. how to care for a baby, answer questions when they're older, discipline challenges.
3) If you did, how did you resolve the above issues or attempt to address your/your partner's concerns? C's fairly confident that my baby/kid knowledge will see us through. As far as the hypotheticals, we'll deal with those as they come but talk a lot about them now.
4) If you already have kids, have your fears materialized? N/A
1) What is/was your greatest fear about having kids?
My greatest fear is that we won't be able to stick to our schedule/plan. I am really anal about plans and lists and schedules and all. lol.
2) What is/was your partner's greatest fear about having kids?
He was worried (and I think still is to some degree) that he won't be alowed to be legally associated as the Father of our children.
3) If you did, how did you resolve the above issues or attempt to address your/your partner's concerns?
We have decided to wait until the year of our wedding 2016 to begin TTC again. By that time our house will be bought, we will have moved to IL, and we will have been able to allow E to fully transition making it legal for him to sign as Father on the birth certificates.
4) If you already have kids, have your fears materialized?
N/A
1. I worry about having special needs kids and about money mostly.
2. Probably the same.
3. We talk about kids a lot, and are mostly on the same page.I do worry a little I'll end up being the "bad" safety conscious mom, but I think it'll work out ok.
1) What is/was your greatest fear about having kids?
My greatest fear is losing intimacy with my wife. It's so important to both of us to stay committed to our relationship and I'm so worried about becoming one of those couples who ONLY think of their kids and never take into consideration to continue to keep their bond strong.
2) What is/was your partner's greatest fear about having kids?
I know she feels the same, and I also know she has a hard time with the fact that she might have to decide between being very aggressive in her career (we both work for Microsoft) and maybe scaling back and spending time with family.
3) If you did, how did you resolve the above issues or attempt to address your/your partner's concerns?
We talk about it, and reassure each other. We also talk to friends who are in simular situations and seek advice. We also try to be realistic (i.e.--babies do change a lot, there may be SOME sacrifice, etc.)
4) If you already have kids, have your fears materialized?
I don't have children, but I have dogs and they bring a whole other set of fears. Fears like: I'm never gonna get that stain out of the carpet, am I? :-)