Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Please help a clueless straight girl..
Let me start by saying if this is offensive in any way I am truly sorry.
I have a good friend (a guy, FWIW) that I know is gay. He's such a great guy and lots of fun, and we hang out with mutual friends about 2 times a week.
My problem is that though he is "out" with some of our friends, he has never come out to me or my husband. Obviously, this is totally his right and if that's what he wants it's fine, but the problem is that I think he hasn't come out to us because he knows we attend church regularly and he thinks we would treat him differently. Nothing could be further from the truth! I have tried to be vocal about things, letting him know as casually as I can that it couldn't matter less to me what his orientation is.
I just feel sad when I hear him try and avoid certain topics, or see him go out of his way to try and pretend to be straight. I hate that he feels that he can't be himself around us! I guess my question is, should I let it be .. even if that means he never comes out to us, or should I be more pro-active? And if you DO think I should try and talk to him about it, what do I say and how?
Thanks so much, and again .. I'm sorry if this is in any way innapropriate!
Re: Please help a clueless straight girl..
I really don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that sometimes it's really hard to come out to people... speaking from experience I have had to watch what I say to who and when because the people who seem to be the most open minded have surprised me and been the least. He too may have had the same experience where someone seems very very open minded (As you are!
) and then turns out that they aren't so much they just came across that way.
At the same time he may not see a reason to tell you or your husband openly... if it doesn't affect your relationship one way or another... the best "Advice" I can think of is to ask him what his oppinions are on the subjects he avoids - if it comes up in casual convrsation.
You could always just be blunt about it too... but depending on his demeanor and personality that may scare him.
I know that wasn't much help. I tried. lol.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
I agree with ctbride. The best thing you can do is to continue to demonstrate, when you get the opportunity, that you and your husband are accepting and open-minded. You are definitely taking the right approach, by trying to casually let him know how you feel. I would not be more direct with him unless you really felt that comfortable with him.
People wait to come out for millions of reasons. We have a close family friend (one of my stepdad's closest friends) who did not come out to my parents and I for about twenty years, and then one day, he did. Over they years, he saw me come out, and my parents accept it, he attended my wedding - still...nothing! Then one day, he was ready and told us. So you never know.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Wow, well I must say that makes me feel better that maybe it's not just me and my husband or something we're doing wrong!
Thanks so much for the advice, everyone. I'll just leave it be and try to make him comfortable about it, but not push the issue.
I figured out that I was bisexual when I was 16 years old. I didn't come out to my aunts until I was 21 or 22.?
One of them is a lesbian, and the other is bisexual.
I have no idea why. I just felt weird about it for some reason. Seems silly now, but I just had to do it in my own time.
You're not clueless, you're sweet and caring. He's lucky to have you as a friend even if he's not ready for that step yet
?