Please tell me why my MIL...

Mrs.MJP

Feels the need to send an "update" e-mail to everyone in her address book about my Grandmother in law?  (This includes my mom, my SIL, my brother, and two of my cousins who she has addresses for from when I was planning my wedding.)  I really don't understand - especially sending it to me too?  Does she think that Mike and I don't talk or that he wouldn't tell me what was going on?  I can't stand this woman.  I should just delete her negative e-mails (which is all of them) before I even read them.

Long story short - my GMIL has come a long way since her mini-heart attack a month and a half ago.  Yet, my MIL chooses to focus on the negative.  Her last comment in the long e-mail is, "I hope that next time I'll have more positive information to report."

How can someone help another become more positive?  Any suggestions? 

JustPlayin

I've been working on this w/ my own mother for years!  If you find a trick please let me know.  My way of dealing w/ it is to point out the positive or to say "that's one one of looking at things, you could also say..."  She catches on every once in a while but I think some people are just glass half empty by nature.

EML0907

Adding my MIL to my blocked email list has helped me stay tremendously positive.  =o)

august282005

I don't think you can make her become more positive.  You could do a reply-all and highlight how far GMIL has come since the mini-heart attack but that could lead to open hostilities...

Mrs.MJP

August - believe me, I'm SO tempted to rewrite that e-mail with a more positive tone - I was thinking about doing just that right after I read it.  I don't know if I have the balls to do that though...

GandMmommy

Wow she sounds like my mother who is the most negative person I've ever met. I secretly call her "debbie downer". Basically if you have something great to tell my mother she'll find something negative to say about it or something related to it. Every phone call made to her is one negative comment after another. If you find out a way to make someone be more positive let me know too.

Mrs.MJP

Gandmmommy - I'm nicknaming my MIL "Debbie" - that is what I'm going to refer to her as - LOL!!!  Going back to when the board discussed what do you call your inlaws - I don't call them anything - but I may just start calling my MIL Debbie - I wonder if I can get Sydney to call her that and then tell MIL that she must not be able to say Grammie.  HEEE-HEEE - I'm cracking myself up!

august282005

I'd totally do it, but I'm exhausted and super-snarky today.  I love the debbie idea. Love it!

OctoberBrideNYC

Let's face it - you can't make anyone be more positive.  Some people ENJOY being unhappy - they like chaos - they LIKE when things are in unrest.  They thrive on it.  Some people are just negative.  I have plenty of them in my life as well.  The best you can do is lead by example and not let the toxic people get to you, you know?

Kate22

Jen, I don't know about the negativity, but I do know that some of the women in our mothers' generation should not be allowed email access.  My mom sends emails at 1 am after a couple glasses of chardonnay and sometimes means to send them to my DH but sends them to my FIL instead.  She also sends stupid notes to my friends whose emails she has from wedding planning.  If someone was on a vacation she writes "I hope you had a lovely sojurn."  SOJURN?  Who the eff writes that?  It's like her emails are her showing off that she knows SAT words.  Obviously, this has turned into my vent, LOL, but I feel your pain!

DuffOliver

LOL, Kate.

I don't think you can make anyone more positive, which blows. I have the exact opposite problem - mine refuses to utter one negative word and it drives me loony.

Best advice I have? Make it a game. There are always ways to make it a game. We place bets on MIL's upcoming behaviors. I am very, very good at this game and have a very high score. I imagine you'd excel, too!

beknmike

my MIL is rediculously negative as well. It was a trait that DH sadly had picked up, but I was able to break him of it pretty early into our relationship. Everytime he said something negative, I would turn it around and put a positive spin on it and ask him to look at in a different way. He eventually got the hang of it & became a much happier, more positive person (it took some time though)

Now MIL's constant negativity bothers him & he tries to put positive spins on her comments. She's not very quick to catch on & this usually sparks a disagreement about why her POV is more accurate. Bless his heart for trying, though...

I would re-write your MIL's email in a more positive tone & preface it by saying something like "You feel like 'Debbie's' email paints a really grim picture of what GMIL is going through & you think it's important that everything think positively." or something like that...