OMG Dr Sabol told me I should visit a sperm bank!

Danica1

I went in for my annual (TMI I know) and while there we discussed my endiometriosis and how bad it's getting. She looked me dead serious in the eye and told me that I was running out of precious time to get pregnant. When I told her I wasn't in a serious relationship and that getting pregnant wasn't an option she looked at me and said "It is an option and I can help you take care of it. You need to visit a sperm bank and pretty quickly."

WTF - Now I'm all upset. Feeling pretty lonely and scared and thinking maybe I'll never have a child. She made me feel so freaking old! Sure I'm gonna be 35 in a couple of months, I'm not in a relationship and I know my body is failing me fertility wise. But seriously does she need to say "visit a sperm bank."

So after this cycle I go on Lupron (I HATE HATE HATE Lupron) for 6 months to help with the endiometriosis. Then after that I really need to consider having a baby. Think I can find a man in 6 months and get him to want a baby? HA

brainstorm102

People do it all the time ~ I think it sounds awesome!

brittle

First off, I can't believe your doc told you that! How RUDE! 
I know my DH was just looking for a wife so he could have kids!  He was ready before he met me, all he needed was a wife!  LOL!

OSUfish123

I wouldn't rush into anything especially if you want to be in a commited relationship and everything.  You should feel like you are in control and not nature.  Just always remember that there are other options such as adoption if you aren't able to naturally in the future.   ((HUGS))  Good luck with the medicine.  I know the medicine I'm on for trouble TTC is horrible - it sounds like Lupron must be similar.   

JenOSU03

My brother is 33 and wants a baby  lol. just kidding.  I can't believe your doctor said that to you. 

Rooette

Might I suggest switching to a hot single male Dr... ;D She's got some BIG cajones to even think about mentioning that to a patient.

MrsJSP

I don't think it was terribly rude of her to say what she did. It may have been said in a harsh tone, and that's one thing....but it's her job to inform you of what's going on with your body, and what your options will be in the future.  Personally, I'd want a doctor who will be blunt with me and not sugarcoat everything.

My DH and I were engaged within 6 months of meeting.  And pregnant pretty quickly.   He's your age, so he was definitely in that stage of life. 

jannypie

i'm so sorry, that makes me sad to hear too. i agree she must have big cajones too, although i'm sure she knows how much you've wanted a child of your own. :-( its so unfair that your body won't let you do it on your own time, i imagine you must feel so frustrated. i fully believe that if you ever did decide to go that route, you have enough love in you and a heart so big that your baby would never feel he or she was missing out on anything. but i understand the desire to want to have a child with someone you love and who wants a child as well. ((((huge hugs)))) to you D!! 

Temp655608750006792

I appreciate the fact that she was so honest but I would think she would offer all alternatives (freeze your eggs, etc).  Seems strange that she would be like "visit a sperm bank and quick!"  Hang in there and do what's right for you.

RieTea

I'm shocked that dr. sabol (of all people) would say such a thing...was she just trying to be helpful or funny? wow! I understand her trying to say how your getting pregnant options are limited and what not but strange. Also, isn't being pregnant supposed to be one of the best treatments for endo?

Danica1

I really think she was just trying to put some options out there for me (her tone was not rude at all), but none the less it hurt so badly. I'm so confused. I want to be a mom, but I don't want to go through pregnancy alone, etc.

Yes pregnancy is one of the best ways to help endiometrosis. So is being on the pill, but it had stopped working for me (pain wise - I've had endio for 13 years), so instead of removing the damaged ovary she decided to put me on Lupron (which puts you in a menopause like state) and give me a chance to think about pregnancy options.

Wow. It's such a huge thing to think about. Adoption has always been an option for me too. Guess I'll wait and see.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm just so stinking confused!

 

cassiehunt

I'm a  little late here but I just want to say that women can get pregnant after the age of 30. I had Ruby when I was 32 and Violet when I was 34. My sister in law is 40 and just had a baby and Rachel was 36 when she had Elyssa.

Jody81

People do it all the time Danica! I think it's a great idea, and I know how bad you want children. Personally, I would rather have a baby with a Sperm Bank donor than some guy I met and want nothing to do with after 6 months...then you are stuck with the potential jerk for the rest of your life (because you are forever bonded by the child). Obviously, the ideal situation would be you meet the man of your dreams to have a baby with, but in 6 months...it would be hard to get to know someone that you would want to spend the rest of your life with in that short amount of time? But I'm not saying it couldn't happen, and wish you all the happiness in the world, and hope you find the perfect man soon.

I'm just saying that, IMHO, I would actually consider it, and it doesn't hurt to have options. 

emilyandbrady

first, i think you would be a wonderful mother.  so if you decide to have children, if you adopt, visit a sperm bank or wait for prince charming, no matter what you'll be great. 
second, as if the whole business of the gyno is not bad enough!  i'm sorry.  it's nice to have someone who will be honest with you in helping to examine your options but that would still be very hard to hear.

E&D07

Endo just kind of screws around with your idea of timing, doesn't it? DH and I were planning on waiting a couple of years after we got married before TTC, but I got diagnosed with endo and we've ended up moving up our timeline significantly because both of my docs were pretty adamant against waiting any longer. We feel like we're ready now, so it might've worked out like this anyway, but it still would've been nice not to have the sense of time closing in on you.

Anyway, I know it'll be a hard decision to think about, so I'll be sending good thoughts your way for making whatever the right decision for you turns out to be and also for getting through the Lupron treatment with the fewest side effects possible.

tbonegrl

The nest kept eating my reply last night, so here it is:

I think it is a FABULOUS idea. You have always wanted to be a mother, you would be an awesome one, and why wait to "meet the right guy" and miss your chance to concieve biologically? While getting PG late in life surely is possible, you and I both know it gets MUCH harder with endo.

I know it sounds crazy, but why not? That's not to say you could always wait and adopt down the road, but I wouldn't let meeting the right guy stand in your way of a baby. My elementary music teacher who I am close with did just this, had 2 kids, and just got married 2 years ago...and her kids are 5 and 7 now. I think Dr. Sabol was just trying to give you options, knowing what a great mom you'll be/how much you want a baby.

kristylynn

I'm in the "fabulous idea" camp.  I am going to be 30 this year, and thought if I hit my 35th birthday with no serious relationship in sight, I would have a baby on my own.  I think it is empowering and taking control of your life!  And you should not have to settle because men are idiots...you should get your pregnancy, and baby, and all that motherhood has to offer. 

 

MikeAndSarah06

You don't know me, and I am super late in replying.... but you mentioned adoption in one of your posts above. It might not be your first choice for having a child, but hopefully it can take some of the pressure off of you to have to have one on your own.

There are wonderful, beautiful babies here in the US and in other countries that need awesome moms and they don't care her age, if she is married, if she didn't push them out herself. Absolutely consider every option, but know that whatever makes YOU feel best is the best option.

And, there are great single mothers...but if your dream is to have a father-mother-child relationship, don't give it up just because a doctor is putting some pressure on the situation. You can always make that decision later.

Good luck. Isn't it fun being a girl sometimes.

Rooette

I should clarify my thinking: I am not against a sperm bank, I just think I might have been a weeee bit shocked if a Dr. laid it out like that for me.

aleeandbry

I agree with Emily that you would be an amazing mother no matter how you did it.  I also agree that Dr. Sabol should have layed out all the options instead of just sperm bank.  I don't think sperm bank is a bad option, however, it is scary to think of being pregnant and having a baby by yourself.  I know lots of women do it all the time, but just from personal experience I think it would be really challenging.  No matter what you do, you'll make the right decision.  Don't feel like you have to rush into anything.

stephpalmerface

(((hugs)))  I'm sorry that your doctor made you feel like you have such a time limit to deal with.  I'm sure she was trying to be helpful, but that is such a sensitive subject and no woman ever wants to be reminded of such emotional things.  I do believe that you are such a strong and loving person that you could do it, with or without a partner!!!  (((hugs)))

jannypie

LOL DANICA- This is for you!!!

Danica1

LOL Jan!