Vent and WWYD?

ASwank

DH's extended family (in my opinion) is very close.  They hang out a lot as a group, etc.  DH has an aunt who has three daughters.  Daughter 1 got married this past August.  I offered to let her use the votives I purchased for my wedding.  When they returned them, I didn't think they were all there (not even close to the same number).  But I didn't say anything because it just didn't seem appropriate and I wasn't sure if it was a mix-up with the reception hall or something. 

Daughter 2 got engaged right after Christmas and is planning a destination wedding for November.  No one contacted us about the location or the date.  We only found out about it by talking to DH's grandparents.  This is excusable because I assume that they figured we knew -- but I want to set the stage. 

Last night, I got an email from Aunt requesting votives for Daughter 2's wedding.  Aunt says in her email that they don't need as many because Daughter 1 had kept 3 dozen of them.  She apologized for not telling me about it earlier. 

Anyway, it just seems shady that they would keep stuff without asking or saying anything when they returned the rest. 

I feel really irrational about this because the votives are NOT expensive and definitely not a big deal.  I have two baby showers that I plan on using them at in the near future but that's it. 

I know the Christian thing to do would be to let them borrow them -- but I'm being immature.  My plan is to let them borrow them but I'm debating whether I should say something. 

Would you say something at the time you gave the votives to them and/or if you didn't get them all back next time?  Would you say nothing?

shannanicole

I would say something.

playindagamewell

hmm that is pretty lame and a tough situation

what if you told her you sold them on ebay or something? is she going to either of the baby showers?

Just the whole oh yeah we kept 3 dozen of them but didn't tell you then thing is so not cool, she could have at the very least ASKED you to keep them.

RieTea

Seems a little strange to just keep 3 dozen without mentioning it...

Sounds to me like you legitimately need them back to use at the showers so I would mention that you need them for such and such occasion...that *should* be enough for them to return them to you in a timely manner. If not, you can always remind them when the time comes that you need them.

ASwank

This actually makes me feel better.  I felt really guilty and petty being upset about such a trivial thing.  I guess in my mind it goes to honesty and being not completely honest with a family member.

emilyandbrady

for the record, I tend to me a little more immature and tend to lean more to the passive agressive side than necessary with things like this.  what can I say, we are all a little flawed, right??   so, having that said, I would tell her no.  I would also say that I have promised them to someone else for a baby shower but they are welcome to borrow the 3 dozen that they kept and that I would be glad to take them off their hands after the wedding.  If they say that they want to keep them I would tell them where they could buy their own.  Finally, I think it is a little odd that they would (A) keep the votives, (B) not tell you about this wedding until they need something (C) weird that the MOTB called and not the bride--who's wedding is it??, and (D) assume that you would give the votives to them.

k&d2006

I would tell them that they can borrow them because you would like to help out, but in return to help you out, you would like them back including the 3 dozen that were missing before.they suck, you don't. end of discussion.
I encounter people like this the older I become, and I still for the life of me cannot figure out how they were raised to feel like they are entitled to everything at everyone else's expense and feel no guilt associated with it. UUGH!!!!!!

palmtreepatties

I'd say something. 

Could you just say oh, I was looking for the other 3 dozen... I thought I was going crazy.  Do you mind if I take them back, I have a couple of events I'm planning and was searching high and low for them.  Then I wouldn't even mention lending for the wedding... 

Sometimes things just get to us...regardless of small or large if it bothers you, I'd say something.

brainstorm102

It's so nice they decided to keep some for themselves, but return the rest. WTH? I'm spiteful, so I'd ask for those 3 dozen back, telling them that that you need them for 2 showers. If they ask again later on, say that a friend borrowed them.

It's not cool that they were deceitful about the votives. I understand that they weren't expensive, and these people are *family*, but it's still just plain rude. They can go buy their own votives, IMO.

Mrs.Jenn&Jeff

I second that strategy. I would let them borrow the rest but tell them that you need to have them ALL back. I would add that you're relieved to know where the other 3 dozen had gone to. Pretend you were going to re-purchase them because you figured the caterer or someone at the wedding venue lost them and you didn't want to say anything to Daughter #1 that would make her feel like she needed to replace them.  In summation, be gracious...but let them know you're aware of what they did.

ASwank

Thanks. 

Emily you summed up my feelings so much better than I could.  I definitely feel a little put off by the fact that they only contacted me when they needed something and not because they wanted to give us details on the wedding destination, etc. 

K&D -- I definitely think its an entitlement thing.  Daughter 1 (who is older than me -- so we're not talking about a student) never even got us a wedding gift (or card for that matter) -- and then invited me to her bridal shower so I had to get her both a shower gift and a wedding gift.

I think I'm going to say something. I just needed a pep talk and a reality check.  If it were my family, I would probably be a little more forthright -- but its DH's family.  Granted DH does think they are crazy for not saying anything.

YourSong

I would let them borrow them, but I would mention something about it first.  Making sure that they knew you needed them for something else.