How to console a friend who is having a miscarriage?

OSUfish123

My best friend is currently going through a miscarriage.  The only people that know about the pregnancy are DH and myself (along with her husband).  She found out today that the baby isn't developing properly after a lot of spotting for a couple of days.  They are currently waiting on bloodwork to confirm everything this afternoon.  I really don't know how to handle the situation.  She lives 2 hrs away, so I can't just drop in and visit.  I don't want to send a card because I know it would be too risky if other people saw it or found out since no one knew about the pregnancy.  Any ideas on what I should do/say?

Danica1

First of all I am so sorry to hear this. Great big hugs to your friends. I've been there before and it's all too familiar. What helped me was my best friend came over and just sat with me while I cried. We just talked about other things but I knew she was there for me. Since you can't just drop in on her, can you call her and let her know you are thinking of her? Maybe send her a card that says "Thinking of You" but really don't go into specifics. It's going to be a tough time for her. Just be there for her when she needs you.

brainstorm102

Since you two are so close and she told you about it directly, I would still send a card and/or flowers. You could just have them say that you are thinking of her. I would also probably make an effort to visit too, if you have the time/ she is feeling up to it.

Temp655608750006792

Sorry to hear about this.  How far along was she?  The reason why I asked was because when I had my m/c, I just wanted to be left alone.  I didn't like people asking me if I was okay.  Only one other person knew about my m/c (other than my DH) and she left me alone which was exactly what I wanted.  I would imagine if I was further along, like in the 2nd tri, I may feel differently.  That's why I was asking how far along she was.  My thoughts are with her!

BuksFan

I don't know how far along your friend is, but I went through the exact same thing in May last year. I found out the baby wasn't growing properly and they did blood work that confirmed I would miscarry. The day I found out I would m/c my DH was out of town, but my 5 best friends immediately came over and hung out with me. We didn't talk about the m/c (purposely) and just watched movies and ate pizza. It helped me that day because my DH wasn't there, but if he had been there I would just have wanted to be with him. After that day I just wanted to be left alone. My friends kept asking me about it and hounding me and I eventually told them to leave me alone. If she has her DH with her, I would think sending flowers would be nice, just so she knows you are thinking about her. But I wouldn't ask her about it or make her talk about it if she doesn't willingly do so. I'm sorry your friend is going through this. The story is all too familiar.

MustangGirl75

There isn't much that you can do to make her feel better. Since you are not around, it would be ok to send a card or flowers with "just thinking of you". If someone asks, she can easily pass it off as her best friend misses her. Make sure she knows that if she want's to talk, your're always available. Maybe offer to come spend some time with her. I know it's far, but sometimes there's a certain type of support that you can only find from your best friend.