Kick me when I'm down why dontcha! ARGH

Danica1

I have two friends, or two people I thought were my friends (we'll call them friend A and friend come to my mother's calling hours with another very good friend. Friend A and I had a discussion/falling out last summer because she was in a bad relationship and friend B and I called her out on it. So friend A pushed friend B, good friend and myself aside. Well we all sort of made up. Fine. We all talked via email/phone. Well I have been distant lately because my mom was so sick. I mean I had no time to pee sometimes! And I did try several times to get together with them (good friend had new baby and didn't have time - very excusable, so I would go to her house) but no one had time.

I talk to good friend yesterday since her and I are going to a movie this weekend and she said that friend A isn't sure she can be my friend anymore (good friend only told me because I pushed her to). Huh? She just came to my mother's wake. Apparently she told good friend that she came because it was the right thing to do. OMG I lost my mother and she comes because it's the right thing to do???? What happened to support or coming because she's my friend???  NOT ONCE did her or friend B call and check on me or send a nice email or a nice card or stop by and give hugs. But I let it all slide because I know people get busy. Still I wanted to be their friends because I never give up.

Well today I had it and decided that my friendship with A and B was bringing me down. I sent them each a note saying I'm sorry for whatever I did and told them I'm here if they need me but that I need to focus on friendships that are positive. Did I do the right thing?

They really hurt me. And emotionally I can't afford to be taxed like that anymore. I was not mean in the emails I sent them. I just wanted them to know how hurt I am and how sorry I am for whatever changed.

Anyway thanks for listening. I mostly just needed to vent because ya'll are such great listeners!

Rooette

They sound like a girl I knew in MD. She always demanded my attention for shopping, dates, BLAHBLAHBLAH. But when I needed her support over a bad breakup, she said I was a bad person! WTF? I did some soul searching/ self reflection and firgured out that SHE needed MY attention to make herself feel better. If she could make me feel bad about myself, than she felt better. SICK sick sick She's an emotional vampire! I would have done the same thing you did. Sorry to turn this into my own vent. I know crappy people are the last thing you need right now!

MustangGirl75

I don't blame you. You shouldn't have to stress out about friendships. True friends are always there for you, especially in hard times, even if you haven't spoken in weeks. In my opinion, it shouldn't be hard work keeping up a friendship.

playindagamewell

some people are just too selfish

you don't need that

or deserve it!

Danica1

Okay so I'm not crazy. I have another friend who knows A and B and she said she always thought they acted a little immature. I guess friends come and go, but the good ones are there for you regardless.

BuksFan

Yes you did the right thing. True friends would not act like they have acted. If I was in your situation I don't think I'd be able to get rid of my friends - they'd probably move in with me. I do have some that are more take than give, but not to that extreme. It sounds like the note you sent was perfect - I would have done the same thing. Sorry you have to deal with this right now, on top of everything else. Hugs!  

OHFallBride06

I think that you did the right thing. If they can't get over whatever happend and see the light through the tunnel after they receive your email then it's their problem. It sounds like you've done everything you can to make THEM happy when in reality it's you who needs the cheering up. **Hugs** You've got better friends on here!

OHFallBride06

It also sounds like they've got a little buddy system going on, which im not to keen on. I have a few friends who buddy up and I always wonder if they ever really moved on from 5th grade.

Mrs*Pink

I dumped my former BFF my sophomore year of college, right in the midst of a pretty devastating breakup with the guy I thought I would marry.  I decided that I was better off without a friend that couldn't support me in my time of need.  [Not to mention she was a jealous boyfriend-less gossip that lied to him about me... ughhhh.]  I attempted to be friends with the ex, but after a few weeks of emotional abuse, I dropped him as a "friend" too.  It was a very lonely semester without the two people I was practically glued at the hip with, but it was also a turning point in my relationships with other people.

My point.... if I could do it, hours away from my true supports and with no one else to pick up the slack, you can definitely make decisions like that!  You have so many other friends that are without agenda and malice.  You know who you have to lean on now.     smile!

aleeandbry

I think you did the right thing (or at least what I would have done).  One of the main keys to happiness in life is to surround yourself with positive people.  Negative people just bring everyone else down and it's not worth the extra effort required to be friends with them.  Sorry you're having to go through all this but I think your head is in the right place.

Mandie16

I did that. I sent a friend of mine an email that said, "We aren't friends anymore. It's no ones fault, but we aren't."

RhiannonF

I think you did the right thing!  Danica, you are such a sweet, awesome, caring person, that you don't need people like that in your life, especailly now! 

By the way, how are you doing?  I have been thinking about you!

Rett*s_bride

I think you did the right thing too. It's better to have people around who will support you and really be there for you 100% rather than people who are just your friend because it's "the right thing to do." Unfortunately, we all have to do cleaning in the friend dept sometimes ((((hugs))))

sarah10-1-2005

I think it's totally appropriate to break up with friends, just like boyfriends.  In fact, Oprah said so, therefore, it must be true

The way I see it is if they truly are your friends, they would be concerned with the fact that you may be upset with them or no longer wanting to see them.  If one of my girlfriends, whom I care about, said something like that to me, I would freak out. 

They sound like they might be the drama type, keep that in mind. 

(((hugs)))

iheartsean

Well said Rettsbride! 

I agree.  I have struggled with this in the past but soon realized that it was best in the end!

Take care!!

Danica1

Thanks ladies!  As expected I did not receive an email or a phone call in return. ::sigh:: I guess it wasn't meant to be. But at least I tried. I really really did.

Rhiannon, I'm doing good. Thanks for asking. I'm taking it one day at a time. I've gotten back to the gym full time (meaning more than once a week - HA) so it's helped keep me occupied. And of course I'm thinking about grad school.  :-)

jannypie

*raises hand*

I need to focus on friendships that are positive. Did I do the right thing? They really hurt me. And emotionally I can't afford to be taxed like that anymore.

I completely agree, you did the right thing. Well said Rett*sBride and Sarah- friends are like boyfriends, sometimes you have to break up with them when they show their nasty sides. Hurts. Sucks. Isn't fair. Gotta do it.

((((big hugs)))) and loves to you Danica, I have met few people who are as genuine and caring and fun and loving as you are. You deserve the best friends, man, pets, wine, job, family, health, wine, friends, wine out there! (hugs again)

emilyandbrady

ewww!  people are so mean!!  ditto everyone else.  you did the right thing.  you, and everyone else, need positive people in your life.  it's too short to diddle around with "friends" who you cannot really rely on.  it's no fun to "clean out" your friends, but the reality is, you will be so much better off in the long run.  AND with those people not taking up your time, you will have that much more time for yourself and for your other friends. 
*hugs*