Will post got me thinking

the_magic_number

I have talked about this with DH before and we are completely on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to guardianship.  He wants Connor to go with his family and I would want Connor to go to my family.  The one thing that we agree on is that we wouldn't want any kind of joint custody but we also would want both families to be fully active in his life.  How do you settle this situation if you have chosen guardianship?

Jody81

My DH and I have argued over this. I believe the child should be with the mother's family. I'm sure you can put somewhere in your Will that you want both families to be involved, but you really can't control that.

BuksFan

Are you talking about naming your parents or your siblings as guardians? If you are talking about naming your respective parents, I would take into consideration where they live, how old they are, whether they are physically and mentally able to take care of a small child, whether they would even want that responsibility (you'd be surprised - I've had couples with this same problem and they talked about it with their parents and one side said they'd rather not have full custody), whether Connor is more comfortable with one or the other, etc. After all of these factors are discussed between you and your DH, a clear answer may present itself. If not, there is always the option of both of you naming who you want and then in the event the worst happens, letting the court decide what is best for the child.

aleeandbry

Ours will go to my parents b/c they don't work and DH's do work.  Once our parents are too old, we will have them go to DH's sister (only sibling btwn me and DH).  I guess it was pretty easy for us.  However, I feel that both of our parents are reasonable enough to keep the other set of gparents in the boys lives.

Mrs*Pink

We're stuck on this issue, too, but for different reasons.  Neither of us want our child to go to our parents - aging and too set in their ways.  DH does not have any siblings, and is not close enough to step-siblings or other relatives.  My one brother is a good option, but he lives in TX, and we fear too much change for everyone.  The other brother is in Ohio, but has 5 (soon 6) kids, and we fear ours getting lost in the mix. 

Ultimately, we chose the Ohio brother, because if God-forbid we die, we want things staying relatively the same for the child and our family - everyone would still be traveling to Ohio to see our child.  If TX-brother moves to Ohio, or OH-brother moves away, we will change our will. 

the_magic_number

We are not talking about our parents taking custody, I think they are all done with raising kids.  DH wants his brother and SIL and I want my sister and BIL.  Both couples have their own kids and everyone lives in town.  I just really don't want this to turn into a huge argument everytime (which it inevitably does).

BuksFan

Have you talked to either couple about acting as guardian? If they are both willing, perhaps you can agree to name one primary and one alternate? I know the argument is over the primary but at least they'd both be named. Does Connor have a preference between them? Is one couple better off financially than the other? What do they do for child care? Does one have a bigger house than the other? All of these little things could add up to whom the primary choice should be - just some stuff to consider. One of you is going to have to bend, the alternative is that no guardian is ever named and in the event the worst happens, the court ends up deciding who Connor lives with. I'm sure you would rather make that decision versus letting the court do it. Sorry I'm not more help. Everything else being equal, I usually just point out all the logistical stuff to my clients and that guides them to the better choice. Good luck!