Cleaning and DH

brandonsgrl

How do you ladies get your DH's to clean? Mine will do anything I ask of him, but in his own time and he'll never go out of his way to do it on his own before I ask. I'm getting to the point where just cleaning the bathroom and the tub are wearing me out. I hate having to ask for help all the time (I'm too independent I think!), but I can't do it by myself. Any helpful hints??

mir322

I'm with you....my back is killing me after cleaning just the bathroom.  I'm independent, too and have a 'superwoman' complex about me....the pregnancy is kicking my butt now! 

Have you had a heart-to-heart with him?  What if you asked him with a 'time' word in the request?  Like, "Honey, would you mind vacuuming the living room today/tomorrow after work?" or "Hey, can you do _____ while I ________? I'll feel so much better after those two things are done." 

My DH works 75-80 hr weeks, though and I feel kind bad asking him to do stuff. 

I think for Christmas, I'll ask for a cleaning lady for a few months....and a few massages.

mir322

Or, sit down with him and create a list of things he can help you with around the house each week?  That way, it's a set list and he knows what has to be done by the end of the week.

brainstorm102

Ohhhhh this is a sore subject!
Yesterday, we had this discussion (again!) For the love-of-all-that-is-good he can't seem to catch on. I don't WANT to have to tell him repeatedly that the living room needs picked up after he leaves his crap laying around or could use to be vacuumed. He says he notices, but is lazy and unmotivated. Great, well you need to get un-lazy because I have no patience for you. As long as the house is both of ours, then we both need to take care of it. Nothing is more annoying for me to come home after working at the store (to bring in extra money during my slow season.) for this man to still be in his pajamas at 6:00 pm and tell me "Oh I did nothing all day." Like I'm going to give him an award or something. WTF?

jill&eric

this is ALL we ever argue about ever! he doesn't think the house is messy so he doesn't do anything. that was until i starting leaving lists. he actually wants me to leave him lists (personally i feel that it takes longer for me to tell him what to do and how to do it) and if he wants to be treated like a kid then i ll treat him like a kid. I started printing out calenders with chores for a regularly schedule clean like 2nd and 4th thursday of each month clean the shower, etc. and it works for us. good luck!

Sarah5772

It will just get harder and harder...sorry.

I have a 7 week old now and getting anything done is tough, although a little easier.

A couple weeks ago I started making a daily list of things I needed Jon to do.  This way I am not nagging and having to remind him all the time.  So far it has been working great. 

Jody81

Hehe, I think we have the same DH! Mine is the exact same way. Nothing works, and if I mention something to clean to him he says that I'm nagging...OK, asking once is NOT nagging!!! I get ticked that I even have to ask at all, especially when his only job til now has been to take out the trash and he won't do that until after there is trash overflowing to the floor and I say something and still he doesn't put a clean bag in the garbage can.....GRRRRRR! I think this is just men in general. And I am really, really playing the pregnant card right now and it seems to be helping a little, but it didn't start to work until about 2 weeks ago! He is now taking the trash out AND cleaning the dishes in the sink, whoa! Men!

dmsn

Yes, we have had many blow-out fights over this one. Actually, I blow up and he acts like it's not a big deal. One reason is because his house was never clean growing up, as in all rooms picked up at once, and acceptable according to my standards.

We've come to the decision that we will be hiring a cleaning lady, but have met in the middle and won't until the baby comes. Ugh...only a few more months to wait. Until then, he promised to do all of the floor cleaning. I'm sure that will last only one or two more weeks. =(

shannanicole

I started making lists (with him involved) so that he couldn't act totally oblivious.  As I started to get bigger though he really started helping, even if I did have to ask.  I just started asking though.  "Honey my back is killing me, could you please unload the bottom drawer of the dishwasher, or fill up the dog's food for the week?"

brandonsgrl

At least I know I'm not alone in this!! I just hate to even have to do lists because still then I'm telling him what to do. *sigh* If I could only wave my magic wand and it would all get done...

buckeyebabe99

I don't know that there is an ultimate solution.  I always have to say " For your mental health and mine, I need you to be more proactive."

As long as I give him a list, he'll do most everything but if it's not written down, it ain't gettin' done.  And if I don't specify a timeframe in which I need it done, it may take a week.

Maybe give him permanent tasks.  Mon - take out trash, vaccum, wipe down bathroom counter tops.  Tuesday - dishwasher duty. Wednesday - laundry, etc etc.  And make a list for you too so that he sees that it's even. It may make you feel better too seeing a his/hers list so that you don't feel overwhelmed.

Craig always does the dishes.  I always put them away.  Neither of us like to do it the other way around so it works for us. I hate taking out the trash so he does it when it's full.

Rooette

OMG OMG OMG DH seeems to think our HOME is his perpetual bachelor pad! To him, it's OK to leave dirty dishes and 'food trash' in the family room, his office and the basement where he works out. I threatened to throw out any of his prized dirty dishes left in these places and that worked. He also likes to leave dirty clothes on the couch and stair railing. I threatened to throw them away too if I ever EVER found them in the kitchen again. DH works best under presssure, he says, so somehow this system works. It drives me crazy bonkers and I have told him 50 times that I cannot and will not live in a house that is more filthy than a college dorm. And don't even get me started on the pee puddles in front of the toilet! I'm going to go cry now! But the only thing that works for us is making a weekly list. I clean the bathrooms cause his version of cleaning is not up to my standards. He cleans (dusts and vacuums) the big rooms and I do all the Windexing and anything that needs a 'wipe down' with an all purpose cleaner.