Question about having kids.....

kelley92405

My DH and I have been married just over 2 years. I want to at least start talking about having kids, but every time I bring it up he keeps telling me to find $1000 extra each month in our budget to even discuss it. That response always makes my blood pressure rise and then the subject just gets dropped, because I don't want it to create a huge fight. We do have debt that we are slowly paying off and I think between both of us we make fairly decent money, not a ton but enough to support a child, I think. We definately don't live an extravagant life by any means! I keep telling him that I can't come up with $1k per month extra just floating around. We have really cut stuff in our budget over the past couple years and there is nothing more that can be cut. Why do I see people everyday that have kids that I am sure didn't come up with the magical $1000 per month to have them. I have even gone from wanting to be a stay at home to saying that I will work. I will be 31 soon and it scares me that we keep putting this off more and more and don't have good discusions about it. Am I being totally unreasonable? Anyone that can shed some light on how much kids really cost I would love to hear it! Thanks for letting me vent a little )

shannanicole

There was just a discussion about this earlier today on the board.  I would look over the posts from today, I believe that the headline had something about $1000 in it.  HTH!!

shannanicole

OK, I am a totally confused PG lady.  The discussion was on 3rd trimester board.  lol

Jody81

Well, we did actually wait until we were able to save over $1K a month because we knew that I would work and daycare costs $950 a month. BUT, people do say that if you wait until you can afford kids than you will never have them, and that once you have kids and think you can't afford it, you just magically make it work and realize there are other places you can save that you didn't think of before. So, I say go for it and I'm sure everything will work itself out...I mean look at all the people who have kids, if my cousin can have 3 kids and support them on her Wendy's hourly wages I am sure you guys can make it work!

Of course, having children is a huge decision and it is something that you and your DH will have to discuss and agree on first.

cassiehunt

Ditto everything Jodi just said.

If you wait to have money to have kids, you won't have them. But you need to both be ready, even if that means waiting until he feels financially ready too.

Mrs*Pink

I think I've been pretty shocked about the stuff that I didn't really think about - for the first 7 months of my child's life alone.

Setting up my healthcare flex account for next year, I needed to withdraw $125/month just to cover my delivery ($1500 after insurance) and for the dependent care (daycare 2 days/week) for only 4 months of the year was something like $130/month for the year.  And that's just 4 months, so next year it will be 3x that.  But keep in mind that those costs are taken pre-tax, so you can mentally knock off 25% of that.

And then you add all other medical needs for the year (on DH's flex plan), diapers, food... etc.  And that's assuming that you get all the baby stuff you need from showers/family.

But agreed - if I ever waited until the perfect dollar amount came along, I'd never do it.  We'll make it work and cut back our own expenses to make up for the baby's. 

AnyaMW

It is costly and finances are something to consider - absolutely.  But as Julie quoted, if you wait for "the right time financially, it will never happen."  

I would talk to your DH more about it and ask if there is something else making him want to wait to start a family... 

Good luck... and hopefully the two of you will be able to come to a decision together that you're both comfortable with.

  

Clevelander

I was always told if you wait until you have enough money you'll always be waiting. I have a 15 month old and she costs about $100 a month, that's really it. the baby gear cocts a lot initially, the crib, and car seats, play pens etc. but you get those a lot from family as gifts.

Look at it this way we got $4200 in tax returns the year she was born, tell you husband that. NOW childcar does cost about 1k a month but I work at home so I pay a colelge student to help me out.

kelley92405

Thanks everyone for responding to this post. I guess we will just have to reach that "happy medium" which I have no clue as to when that will be. It just is so frusterating to me. I don't have any clue as to how we will come up with $1k more in our budget, it always seems the more we make the more we spend. Oh well, if it is meant for us to be parents then I guess it will happen SOMEDAY )

Temp536318000001135

Question: He does want children, right?

I am really not trying to be snarky or mean. Without knowing your or your husband, it could be that he is using money and the $1000/month excuse to delay having kids or having the discussion to potentially have kids. Maybe he thinks that if he says it enough, you will drop it.

I hope you guys are able to have an open and honest discussion and come to an agreement.

aleeandbry

Well, we don't have our kids yet so I don't know exactly how much it costs.  However, I will say that if you and your DH are not on the same page regarding budgeting or money then it's probably something you should try to work out before getting pg.  Being pg and having a baby is stressful enough on a marriage without having to worry about fighting about money as well.

I don't think it costs $1000 per month right away, especially if you are breastfeeding.  However, if you don't have generous family members and friends, there is certainly an upfront cost to get the necessities like a crib, carseat, etc. 

Obviously people who aren't financially prepared get surprised with babies all the time.  But if you have the luxury of planning your pregnancy then these are probably issues you should work out beforehand.  Research your insurance too in order to plan for what you would have to pay out of pocket.

HTH

sarah10-1-2005

It does cost a lot "starting up" (that sounds weird) but DH and I bought diapers every week once we found out we were pregnant and stockpiled them - keeping the reciecpts in case excahnges were needed.  He is 9 months and we just started buying again.  We also did his room early and bought things as we could - crib, changing table, outifts on clearance, etc. 

I borrowed my sister's breastpump and just bought new attachments. 

I ended up staying home b/c, in the end, after paying daycare, I woudl bring home almost exactly what I make now watching one baby full time and his sibling 2x a week. 

Don't worry - it will work out.  You won't be spending what you think once that baby is here. 

hugs to you!

BuksFan

Another poster mentioned this above, but just speaking strictly in financial terms, depending on your income and particular situation, having a child will give you an additional tax exemption, and could qualify you for a child tax credit and dependent care credit. This won't amount to $12k a year, but it may come close in terms of tax liability savings and refunds. If your DH is really stuck on that $1k a month figure, go to www.irs.gov, print off some information about these credits and show it to him. That might help your cause!