Help convince me to

JenOSU03

get over my selfishness!   Ugh! I feel guilty about it but I don't want to give in.

The backstory:

DH's friend has a Harvest of the Wine party every November in Cleveland. Its a cultural event where everyone gets drunk pretty much.  A few weeks ago my DH and I discussed the event.  I agreed to attend the event with him with two parameters 1.  We drive to Cleveland prior to the Buckeye game and watch the entire game prior to leaving for the party. 2. We stay at a hotel so that we can set our own hours.  Honestly I don't want to go but I am trying to support DH and do something he wants to do.

The event is very awkward for me.  The guys are his single college buddies that act like they are still carefree and 18.  The last time we went 5 people drank 29 bottles of wine, several beers, and several shots.  It is akward for me as a non-drinker and because they spend the entire evening trying to get DH drunk.  DH says he doesn't want to drink but of course they think it is because of me.  At the same time I want Dh to have fun and do what he wants to.  Did I mention that these guys hate me?  One of them decided not to be in our wedding because of me. 

So fastforward to the past few days we have been discussing the event   Now Dh  keeps saying that we will go to the event at 6 with his friends.  Um.. wait a minute the Buckeye game will be on until 6:30?   The event doesn't really start until 7:30, his friends go early because his dad is in charge of the entire event.  So, we could finish watching the game and still make it on time. We agreed to watch the ENTIRE game.  Yeah, I am selfish-- I don't ever miss a buckeye game.
Secondly, he is trying to discuss staying at his friend's parent's house.  I don't want to stay there.

1.  We are forced to stay as long as his friends do.  The last time we went his friends stayed out until 4AM.  We could not go to bed because we had no access to his parents' house.   4AM is just too long for me considering I go to bed at 9:30 at night because I am so tired.
2.  I feel very akward and do not sleep well at other people's houses.  
3.  I need to get good sleep. I have a stressful work week next week. I can not afford to behind in sleep.

I feel guilty not just agreeing with DH.  But I am irritated that he is trying to ignore the parameters I set about going with him.  Earlier this week I suggested that he go by himself so he can enjoy his friends and avoid the hotel.  He said no.  Honestly I am not sure what he trully wants to do.  I think he really wants to stay out late with his friends (which he could do--- I am more than happy to stay here and have alone time).   But he will never admit that.

Thanks for reading this far.  Should I just give in? 

TIA

Jen

Manday

Is there a reason DH can't go without you? That seems like the solution to me. Then you get to see your whole game and not worry about his college friends, and he gets to do what he wants, and you both save money.

jane2007

I would try to get your DH to go by himself and have a guys night.  If you already know that it is not going to be fun for you, you'll probably end up getting upset with each other.  (At least that is what would happen with us).  I always think it is important to do alone things.  Then if your Dh goes he can stay at someone's house or close, so he doesn't have to drive far.  the one thing that would worry me is drinking that much and then getting somewhere to sleep.  Good luck with your decision.  That is an awful lot of alcohol for them to drink.

jane

stephpalmerface

I agree with pp - it sounds like maybe DH should do the event on his own and you take a night to have alone time or Girls Night.  I do think that you deserve a high five for making the attempt to compromise and go along.  You're a good wife to try to make the best out of the situation.
Good Luck on your decision and keep us posted

Obwon2

Let him go by himself. You will not feel awkward and he will have fun being with the guys.
and no guilt!

buckeyechik

I agree--why not let him go by himself?  Then you can each do what you want to do. 

Or, if you're set on going with him, can you get a hotel close to the event so you can hang around the hotel long enough to see the whole game and then join him at the event after it's over if he wants to go early?

I guess I'm just not understanding why you have to handle this whole weekend together and why you can't have at least some separate time doing what you each want to do.

cork2win

I can't understand why he wants you to go when he KNOWS you don't enjoy it and are WILLING to let him go on his own?  I would just stand my ground and say I didn't want to go, and find out just how badly he wants to go.  If he truly wants to go, he'll go alone, which is the best solution.

If he doesn't want to drive up and back alone, I could understand that, but then I'd tell him that a hotel is a must and you get to hang out at the hotel and do whatever while he goes to the event.  He can come back to the hotel whenever he's done hanging with the guys and you can head home together the next day.

No way would I go to an event like that if I didn't drink and was uncomfortable, and more importantly, my DH wouldn't WANT me to go if I felt that way.

blondiegirl

Call and make the hotel reservation-pick one with spa services and get a pedi or mani while DH is out having a guys night!! Then you can watch the game and treat yourself while he is out and then you will be the sober one that can go pick him up if he needs a ride back to the hotel!!-Good luck!!