Moms - SAH or work????

PrincessRock

I can't believe I'm getting close to the end of my maternity leave, but I am. I only have 3 weeks left, including this week. I've been struggeling with deciding whether to stay at home or return to work. We'd be o.k. financially w/o my salary and DH is leaving the decision up to me. He'd be thrilled if I stayed at home, but would also be o.k. if I want to go back.

One day I definitely think I want to SAH. The next, I'm convinced I want to go back to work. I really don't know what to do, but I know that I need to make a decision fairly soon. I never thought that I'd be one to consider staying at home. I'm a very social person and I love the thought of daily socialization with co-workers and I've always worked. But now that Maisie is here, sometimes I look at her and see how small and dependant she is, I can't imagine leaving her at a daycare all day. Can you help me by sharing your experiences? Why did you decide to go back to work or stay home? Are you happy with your decision? Did you have strong feelings one way or the other before baby arrived and now feel differently? Any insight is appreciated. TIA!!! I put this one the 0-6 month old board as well, but I value my local Nesties' thoughts.

iheartsean

If you can stay home I encourage you to do so.  They grow SO quickly.  You will NEVER regret staying home even if it is for just a year or two.  I am a wahm that is very fortunate to be with my children.  Do they drive me insane?  Absolutely but truly I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Good luck with your decision.  I can't imagine what you are facing!

PartyOfFive

Ditto Erin. Even though I miss grown up conversation and working FT, I am so glad we are able to have me work from home. Its what worked best for us. that being said, I'm counting the minutes till DH gets home so I can escape for a bit!

brandonsgrl

What if you did SAH and try it out for awhile? If you feel like you're really missing out on the social aspect of it, you could get a part-time job when DH was home and then you wouldn't have to put Maisie in daycare. Or, can you see if your job would let you go to PT? Then, she wouldn't be in daycare all the time and you'd still get the socialization plus a little pocket money.

k&d2006

I agree with Liz. If I had an option, sahm would win even though I would be stir crazy half the time. You can always go part time a little later when she's a little more independent and FT when she goes to school in 5 yrs. I wish I could stay home even though I like my job and miss it even now.

ashell97

Today is my second day back to work after taking 12 weeks.  I missed adult conversations and "getting out" b/c I rarely left the house with Ethan, due to "Mr Pissy Pants" (his colicky side) being so unpredictable.

That being said...I miss him terribly.  There were days when I was off where I would just sit and rock him ALL DAY.  It was great.  Now when I get home, I can't interact with a happy baby because evenings is when his colic REALLY gets bad.

I did not even have a choice to work or not.   I make more than DH and there's absolutely no way we could afford to not have my salary.

If you can afford to stay home, DO IT!  If you get bored/need something to do, you could always get a PT job or volunteer somewhere.  A girl here at work took two years off and volunteered at the elementary school nearby a couple days a week.  She said it was the best thing she ever did.

Good Luck with your decision.  I wish I had an option!  I'm so jealous!

sarah10-1-2005

Here is how I see it.  You can ALWAYS get a job.  You can't take back the time you have when your babies are babies. 

I watch my friend's baby and her 4 year old (the baby every day and the 4yo 2x a week) and it's the best.  I make enough money to buy our groceries.  That's it. 

You learn to budget, you learn to cut where you can, but most of all, you learn what's really important.  If you have the choice, I don't think you will regret it.  If you don't have teh choice, then by all means returning to work is what's best, because being able to provide for you kids is the most important.  The satisfation in that alone is so great. 

If all else fails, you can always get a job a few evenings and one weekend day.....I am thinking of working at Starbucks a few nights and an early (6 am to noon) one or both weekend days.  After teh holidays, of course. 

HTH!!

GL on your choice. 

PrincessRock

Thank you ladies so much. You insight has been tremendously helpful!

steph508

I completely understand what you are going through bc I am in a similar situation.  I will be going back to work 3 weeks from now and Im dreading it more as each day goes by.  I have to work, but Im going to try to work from home.  If I were able to stay home I definitely would.  As pp mentioned, you can always get a job, but you cant get the time that they are little back. 

I am worried about working from home only bc DS is not going to understand that he cant have my attention all the time.  The position doesnt offer any growth so I plan on trying it for the first year, then I will probably go back to working outside the home.  HTH!!

buffalo_buckeye

well, I'm in both worlds. I stayed at home 5 months, have been working for about 10 months, and as soon as our house sells I will be a stay at home mom. If I had a dream career I would probably still work, but I miss ds soooio much during the day , the day is very rushed, weekends are not relaxing just catching up on errands. I want to be able to enjoy him again. I would try first to work part time if you can and see how it goes. You might like a little time away to regroup:) good luck! Neither job/s are easy.

karent7205

I work FT - but my job is very flexible and I can work from home anytime I want. I usually go into the office M-W or just Tues & Wed. When I go in, Nathan goes to daycare. He has gone there since he was 12 weeks old and he loves it so much. That is what makes it easy for me to work. Not only do I not have to give up my career and salary, I also get to keep my 401(k) and pension contributions (it isn't just about the salary). I think the flexibility is the key. If I didn't have that, I may have still gone back to work but it would have been much harder. Even if I did'n't work, I would still want Nathan in some time of setting where he interacts with other chldren and not just around mommy all day. So I might as well work!

tammiRN

I work FT because I make significantly more than DH.  But he went PT because what we would have paid for daycare was more than we were going to lose in income.  But my situation is a little different because I work 3, 12 hour shifts a week, so I'm home with DS quite a bit.  So we're both PT SAH. The only time DS has a sitter is on Thursdays when both DH and I work, and his Grandma comes to stay the night.

I would say see how it goes, and maybe find something PT if you find you need the socialization.

Mrs*Pink

I have no clue at this point.  I know I'm not quitting my job and will stay "full time", but that could be decreasing my case load by 30% of what it is now and still be cosidered FT.  I figure I'll keep decreasing my case load until we can't afford to drop it anymore 

Daycare will likely be 2-full days or 3-half days, so I can make home visits and get caught up with work.  Having all my clients in the near area will help with that!

cassiehunt

With my first I had the best of both worlds: I worked full time, but our schedules were staggered so that Ruby only had to go to daycare 20 hours a week.

With my second we didn't have that option and I knew for sure that I didn't want her to go full time.

I chose to stay at home. Yes, there are days that I'm pulling my hair out and I feel like we have no money, but I am so happy I made this decision. When Violet is about three I might consider going back part time and using daycare part time, but for now, I'm happy being at home with the kids.

(Although I will say that if I had the option to work full time and only use daycare part time, I would. But finding the right schedule for my husband and me is difficult now.)

Heather24

I do miss the money, that's for sure!!!    But I would (and have) traded my shopping sprees so that I can stat home with dd.  In the beginning, it was hard...I didn't have a playgroup, and it was hard getting out of the house when breastfeeding all the time, and when the baby naps every two house.  Now, it is wonderful.  We are very busy...playgroups, moms club, library.  My days are FILLED with activities so I can't really say I don't get adult conversation.   When Ava is napping, I am busy cleaning, ironing, cooking, (really emailing & nesting, LOL).  I wouldn't trade staying home with Ava for anything!

Good Luck with your decision!