I need support...it's really hard for me to ask.

Jessica Stewart

So.... I am sitting in my livingroom in tears. I have been trying to distract myself with animal foster care and our furr kids, E and I even took a romantic day trip saturday and had a picnic in the middle of nowhere surrounded by breath taking arizona mountain views and trees.... trying to relax.

 When I did my introduction here I said we werent going to TTC until 2016, our marriage year. Then...when I posted a few weeks ago (I dont know if anyone remembers) I was excited because E had given us the go ahead.... to utilize our plans and start a family sooner that later. He said as soon as we find a sperm donor. Ok. We want to do a private donor. With our contract it isnt a locked in thing, we sign and notarize 1 contract per cycle ...well we found a great donor, for lack of better words he was beautiful. We went out to coffee, and he cooked us dinner. We went out again bowling, followed by hours of conversation reguarding parenting, etc. Then he agreed.

We have been on cloud 9.... so overly excited that we can try again. So ...I dont know....just happy. So we did the necessary testing and spent A LOT of time together... the 3 of us... Id say about 6 to 8 hours a day until ovulation.....which is why I havent been around lately...when i wasnt with him and E I was asleep or working.

So....we tried.... we did AI - 2 inseminations.

I started my period tonight....that isnt why im so upset....honestly.... I swear.

The real reason is because....after all that time and energy ....he doesn't want to help a "lesbian couple".

I just got the email Friday and it obviously just hit me.

I wish I could make sense of everything.... and the roller coaster I am on. What is worse? E is at work so.. I have no one to hold me and tell me its okay. ='[

Im sorry to post this...on not a wenesday.....I just really needed somewhere to cry.... it probably isnt a big deal....I may be just overreacting.

I don't know how to end this. So I guess I am done writing.

LovelyMissNikki

I don't ever post on this board, but I lurk a lot.

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for you both, and I can't imagine how angry I'd be if I was in your position.

Hang in there 

ctbride08

I"m so sorry   thats two really tough blows to be handed.  it seems so strange that he changed his mind out of the blue.

Lots of hope that you find someone who truly supports you and your desire to grow your family. big hugs to you - everything is going to be okay.

Jessica Stewart

Thank you for the kind words.

I tried asking him what happened and he said he doesn't want to talk to me or E.

I think we aren't going to do private donor ....we are going to look into a sperm bank. That way they can't change their minds. *sigh*

E really likes http://www.nwcryobank.com so I think we are going to look into them....next month... I need a break to recoupe my mental status.

KimNSandy

Oh I'm so sorry. What a cruel and heartless thing for that guy to do to you both. Why spend all that time and energy talking to you both and so on just to turn around and judge you because you're lesbians. I mean did this JUST occur to him NOW?? I just don't understand people and them being so mean and hurtful.

Hang in there. Things will work out as they should and you know what they say...it's always darkest before the dawn.

KnS

thiswillbe

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I can see how it would be so upsetting. Take some time to regroup and just be with each other.

I don't know if you are a person who believes that things happen for a reason, but regardless clearly this was not the right donor for you. Do you think he got cold feet? I know many people spend months, even years, cultivating a relationship with their donor and allowing the donor to do all the "processing" he may need to do about being a donor. If it was just a few weeks ago that you first started talking seriously with him about being a donor, maybe it all moved too fast for his mind to handle. Which is all just to say that maybe he'll reconsider after he has time to think it over. (That said, I am not suggesting you "take him back" if he changes his mind.)

Good luck with everything. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.

2brides

Oh no. That is a lot to handle at once. I am sorry he wasn't the one for you - but your baby is out there waiting for you!   Hang in there!

 

madisonpeas

I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that must be.  And even if finding out you started your period seems secondary, I am sure that must contribute to the sadness on a deeper level.  Hang in there and hang onto each other.

ssg73

that really sucks.  I am sorry things are so rough.  I agree with pp that sometimes things happen for a reason.  It is good to know now early on that he doesn't want to do it and not later after more time is invested.

TheSongAllAlong

So sorry to hear this. I firmly believe that everything in life works out the way it is supposed to. Your baby is waiting for the perfect time to come to you and he just wasnt the right donor. You will find another one who will completely blow him out of the water and you will get your baby, i'm sure of it!

slbacon1986

Oh, I'm so sorry. I know things maybe hard now but don't worry things will turn around soon.

Duchess1

I am so very sorry. What terrible news and timing. I am sending you hugs and love.

Jessica Stewart

Thanks again ladies, the support was much needed and made me feel a lot better.

E.M. and I had a long talk and made some big decisions last night. I do believe we are both happy with our choices and ready to proceed to the next steps.

mhardingunc

I'm sorry that you had to go through this.  I hope you're able to grow your family soon without having to deal with any more judgment or obstacles.  I feel that families are defined by loving individuals who love, support, and care for each other, not by the genders of the individuals.  Best of luck to you.