Coming out stories

2brides

A few friends and I were talking about our coming out stories last night. I always find them so fascinating because they are so unique, so intrinsically a part of who you are, and there is always a great story in there.

So...care to tell yours?

Jessica Stewart

Mines really... condensed ...cause Ive told it so many times (I use to be a student organizer for GLSEN).

I came out at 14 as bi, and at 15 as genderqueer/androgynous.

My mom got over the whole "going to date girls" issue when I came out as gender variant/non conforming -- it wasnt a surprise! Seriously, I had a 14 inch mohawk and I hadnt worn an article of clothing from the "girls" section of the store since I was 6!!!

She kicked me out at 16, I lived on the streets for 3 months and finally got an apartment.

A few weeks before my 18th birthday I went to a party (where I didn't drink or do drugs) and I was "gay bashed" so to say. A guy came up to me and shot his mouth off and instead of walking away (which I never do) I shot back.

 Next thing I know I am a trauma 1/trauma 2 at the hospital.

I spent 2 weeks in the nero icu. I had my head smashed into a brick wall and was unconcious, I had my neck sliced and my face scratched up.

After that, my mom decided she was going to accept me -- I think she felt at fault, guilty, etc.

Anyway I had met E.M. a month before all of that happened and he and I started dating right after I left the hospital the first time. So he and I moved in with my mom for 8 months to get on our feet.

And here I am today; planning to have a baby and make my mom a granny. She's extatic and loves both me and my partner!

ssg73

So I woke up when I was 30 and thought hmmm, haven't dated a boy in a

long time and not really interested, all  my friends are gay and boy I

think I would really like to kiss that woman.  Ok so maybe that all

didn't happen in one morning but I have a feeling you get what I mean.

 

So at some point I too thought it a good idea to let the old parental

units in on the new deal.  A note about my family, they are liberal

and when I say liberal I mean my mother yells at the tv if any

republican is on, she refers to the president as "the ***" and

while there isn't a picture of me on the fridge there is one of Al,

Hillary and Bill.  They are also Unitarians.  As a kid the big joke

was that my parents would be fine if I was gay but would disown me if

I converted to be a catholic.

 

That said I in my infinite wisdom decided the week before Christmas at

the family party was a good time to let them know.  My thought were I

would be in a large group and I could avoid some deep heart to heart

with my Mum as I wasn't really in the mood for that.

 

So we are all at the dinner table (mum, dad, bethany (sis), lee (sis's

boy) my cousin, her exhusband (we still keep him around we like him)

and their twin boys who are 13.  So my sister and cousin start talking

about how transsexuals have such a hard time with make up and fashion

and my sister comes up with the brilliant idea to start a service

where she gives beauty workshops to men in transition, you know to

help them out.  The whole conversation is quite comical but at some

point we realize we may be sending the wrong message to the boys (that

we will make fun of them if they are gay, trans, bi ect ect)  So my

cousin stops and give a little speech about how we will love and

respect them no matter who they love and what gender they consider

themselves, she then pauses and gets all serious and say "you can be

what ever you want except however a republican."

 

This I saw as my moment of segway.  I made my big announcement with

some expectation of intrigue, shock, or bewilderment.

 

What I got was:

 

Cousin: "We had this conversation last Christmas we just didn't let

you know what we decided."

 

Mom: "I mean really sam, if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a

duck it must be a duck"

 

My sweet daddy:  "I mean you are 31 years old, if you were 19 I might

think you might be in stage and to think about it.  But you gave

heterosexuality the old college try and it just wasn't for you.  So

what is her name...she's not a republican  is she?"

 

So all was well with the fam...my biggest fear was that my mother

would then go with a gay themed Christmas.  She is known to get

everything with kitties or puppies.  I thought god my stocking is

going to be filled with a truck load of rainbow items.

 

In reality she did one better...The next day she invited all the gay

people she knows to Christmas dinner (I think she thought I would be

more comfortable with "my people"

 

My sister and I almost pissed ourselves as the e-mails started coming

in with the new guest list.  So that year I celebrated "gaymas". 

rikkiandjulie

This is really really hard for me, I don't have a 'story' so to speak. I was 9 and my mom asked teasingly if I had any crushes on the boys at school, "I said no mom but Jill's pretty cool"! She didn't really understand, but I was really really into Jill. :-P

 Then at 13 I had my first REAL girlfriend. She was also my best friend, we just kissed one night, and were toghether for 2 years after that. I told my mom a week or two later, and she said 'oh okay', and then made her duty to tell EVERYONE she knew. ( She knows no boundries) I always joke that I never had to come out to my family because, my mom did it for me. I too was on A LOT of volunteer boards for GLBTQA youth, and the school community, I really feel like everyone just always knew so to speak, even if that may not be the case.

I've also been very lucky everyone in my family has been accepting, and loving.

Meegs10.13.06

ssg73:

My sister and I almost pissed ourselves as the e-mails started coming in with the new guest list.  So that year I celebrated "gaymas". 

Hilarious, I love it! 

Meegs10.13.06

I've always liked women as much as I've like men, and when we were much younger my best friend and I "experimented"... but it wasn't until high school that I really thought about what that meant. When I actually took the time to think about those feelings, it seemed obvious to me that I was bi. I don't have a big coming out story because I never really came out in high school... I told my best friend and a few other close friends offhandedly (purposely not making a bit deal of it), who were all fine with it. I actually dated one of those close friends (Cas) for a little while, and had an on/off thing with her for years (until Trav and I got together).

I ended up telling my parents because I wasn't sure what would happen with Cas. And no matter what happened, I wanted them to know about me before they found out about us. I wasn't too worried because my parents are very liberal, open, accepting people... but I had that very teenaged embarrassed feeling regarding talking about something so closely related to the emotional side of sex (does that make sense? no one in my household was ever ashamed of sex, but that seemed different somehow). So I... *embarrassing* ... wrote them a note! And basically said that I didn't want to have a big discussion about it, I am what I am, I hope you're okay with that. They were more then fine, told me they loved me exactly how I was, and then honored my wishes and didn't push me to talk about it.

As for post-high school... well, I never had to worry about coming out because I just talked honestly from the beginning about how I felt about women. If I saw a women on TV I thought was attractive, I would express that. People just kind of knew. Occasionally Trav's frat brothers would ask me questions about it, but otherwise it was just one of those things people knew.

Now that I'm married to Trav... its sort of a non-issue. People still know if they have known me since college... but I don't make a point of mentioning it to new people I meet, since now I'm in a monogomous relationship and my sexual preferences shouldn't make a lick of difference to them. 

2brides

I love reading these. 

 My junior year of collge I had an "ah ha" moment. All of a sudden pieces of my past started to fit together and I was like "oh I get it. OH NO!" I'd never really dated men/boys - I'd gone out casually, had a few drunk make-out sessions, but never really connected or wanted to spend time with them.  Once it all came together, I freaked out. I had a ton of gay friends who were boys - but no girls. I was sure I was going to lose all of my friends, my family, everything. It was a really low point in my life. I actually considered suicide versus telling people. Thankfully, I had some wonderful friends.

 I came out to one of my best friends that year (who subsequently told our other best friend since she was so worried about me) but then I didn't tell anyone for years. In the meantime, I graduated from college and moved to FL. I would pick up the gay newspaper at the bookstore and hide it from my roommate. I went to gay bars  by myself (and never talked with anyone!) and finally I went to a support group at the GLBT center.  One night my (guy) roommate came out to me and I in turn came out to him. It was awesome and so liberating.

Seven moths later I was moving back to DC and was going to live with a couple of good friends. I decided I needed to come out to them before moving in. One took it well - the other was shocked (but has subsequently come around.) I ended up not moving in with them (totally unrelated to me being gay) but when I moved back, I started coming out to my friends from college. I had no negative reactions.

I didn't come out to my parents until L and I were together for several months (before her, I never dated anyone seriously enough to mention.) One night I just knew I had to do it. I called home (they live in GA) and told them. Initially, they were great ("we love you anyway" etc) but the next day, my mother called back and said some really hateful and mean things. My father didn't talk to me for months. I just let it go and roll off my back. I knew that it had taken me years to accept myself and I needed to give them time. Sure enough, they came around.  It has been almost 9 years since I came out to them and while it probably isn't what they'd of chosen for me - they are okay.

It has been 15 years since I came out to myself and while it is not a big deal now, I can still reconnect to those awful feelings of hopelessness, worry, anguish, and dispair that I felt then.  I just wish I could go back to my 20 year old self and tell her that it'll all be great. That she'll get what she always wanted. A family.

NicJen424

Mine is an interesting one, although I don?t think its uncommon.

 

All though my adolescent years and beyond I had feelings of attractions towards females but always thought ?no way? ?everyone feels this way? ?I?m not gay? and put myself in total denial.

 

I was introduced to a guy through mutual friends and we got along great and I thought see, I am not gay, I am doing what all girls are supposed to do right?

 

So we bought a house and the next day he proposed and I said yes. We moved in and everything changed. He was a different person, not a nice one. But I didn?t notice so much or choose to ignore it because I was planning this wedding that everyone was so excited for. I clearly remember crying driving to work almost everyday knowing I was making a mistake.

 

We got married; it lasted 1 year and 8 months. Turns out I am a very good actress, no one knew how unhappy I was or the hell I was living in. (Nothing physical but emotional and verbal) So I was driving one night and bam, it was like my eyes finally opened. I told him the next day that I was moving out and filing for divorce.

 

This was a very hard time for me and one of my best friends, was there by my side the whole time. I could not have gone through this without her. I had known her for years, known she was gay. As my divorce finalized and I finally found myself again the feelings all came back. And here was this gorgeous, loving, generous girl, right in front of me. Our friendship progressed into something even more beautiful and I continued to explore myself and my feelings. Now, 3 years later, we are engaged and happier than I ever knew existed.

 

My family was shocked at first; it took a lot of getting used to for them. One of the first things my mom said was ?I will never support you having children!? It hurt, a lot. But we have all moved forward and now I can?t even explain how phenomenal my family is. My mom (and grandmother) wanted to buy us sperm and a turkey baster for Christmas! I am very grateful for them, J's family is a different story for a whole different post! LOL

 

So there I am!

 

Mrs._F

I first thought I was gay when I was 12.  All I can remember is that the idea just kind of fell upon me, and I thought, "Yea, I think that's it."  I told a friend at my (catholic) school, who then told someone, who told someone, until my entire class knew and they told our teacher, who called our parents - FUN!  As a 12 year old, I was pretty mortified.

I was in therapy at that point because I had been a little depressed (probably typical pre/teen stuff), and so my mom and I talked about it with the therapist, which was nice because I think the therapist was a buffer!  My parents were OK, and I assured them that I really wasn't 100% sure, and I had only meant to tell one friend!  So then we didn't really talk about it.

The next year I went to public school (being the gay kid in your 7th grade catholic school class of 20 wasn't much fun), and decided that I would keep an open mind.  I quickly started dating a boy (there were so many new ones to choose from!), and decided that I was bisexual. 

My freshman year in high school, I came out to all my friends as bisexual and soon most of the school knew (small town).  My friends were all pretty openminded artsy kids, so it was never an issue.

After dating just about every guy that I knew (and even a few I didn't) my freshman, sophomore, and part of junior year, and a couple kinda-relationships (ah, high school!) with girls in between, I finally realized that the guys just weren't cutting it and re-came out to all my friends as a lesbian.  They were all pretty unsurprised and supportive.  Then I became the school lesbian.  I was outter than out to the students and faculty.

I wrestled with telling my parents (who I hadn't talked to about my sexual identity since I was 12!), and kept my secret from spring of my junior year until late fall of my senior year, when I was dating a girl from school.  When I finally told them, they were fine.  They obviously weren't shocked.  My girlfriend and I were allowed to date.  My mom was still disappointed, I could tell, and to this day, I don't think she's totally comfortable.  I just think that it's hard for her to understand - I think she has it in her head that it's something she doesn't get, and that's it.  My other parents, though are totally unphased.  And all other family has been fine.

Two*True

I never had feelings I kept to myself or choose not to share with others.  At age 25 when I finally ended a 4 year relationship with a boyfriend that just wasn't healthy for me, I decided to just take life as it came and that ended up meaning I went on dates with men and women.  And the women were hot!  So one night I'm on the phone with my mom and she says "I'm pretty liberal." My response was "how liberal?" and then proceeded to tell her I was dating a woman.  She cried every night for 6 months (according to my father).  I don't think she finally got it until my wedding day when she and K had a really special moment.  My dad was cool from the start.  And my brother just said "well you can't be a republican anymore" - lol!  But really, even though my mom cried she never once left K out of the family.

As for my friends, I mentioned K in an email....and it happened to be April Fool's Day so they thought I was joking.  But I wasn't and they didn't care. I'm pretty lucky. 

bluedaisyus

i had a very painless coming out. my parents had been going to pride every year since i was around 8 years old to show their support for the community, and we never had any doubts about the acceptance we would have no matter what our orientation was.

i had been dating this guy, j, for a while--i was a freshman and he was a senior--and after we broke up i got involved with a girl a class above me. when i told my parents my mom's response was along the lines of: "oh, thank god, i was afraid you were going to say you were back with j." my sister is also a lesbian, and their response to her was very similar--i think she just got "yeah, we know," or something like that. they have never been anything other than supportive of us, and we are very lucky.

my wife had a much tougher time of it. this is how i understand it (although i may admittedly have some of the details mixed up): she and her sister (also both lesbians) pretty much came out to their mother together--or rather her sister did and pretty much outed her in the process. their mother made them promise not to tell their father, and they kept that promise for a long time. finally c's sister couldn't keep it anymore and told their father in a letter, which she warned c and their mother about after it had already reached him. it almost destroyed her parents' marriage because her dad was so upset about having been lied to (or at least had secrets kept from him) by their mom, along with a lot of other issues like blaming each other and all of that stuff that people go through when they're trying to come to terms with having a gay child, and he threatened to divorce her--a really big deal for a very catholic family. they basically cut c and her sister out of their lives for quite a while, and there was a period of a few years when c didn't talk to her father at all (although i wasn't around for that); their relationship was very strained for a long time.

they have really made a lot of progess, especially in the last year or two. it's weird but i think the election had a lot to do with it. i think it really opened their eyes to how much they have on common with us and how little they have in common with c's born again brother and his wife, who they've admitted they allowed to have a lot of influence on many decisions they made--including not to coming to our wedding, which her mother has said she now regrets, and (although i don't know that he will ever say it) i think her father does too.