Los Angeles Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Yep, she DD - but here is the post in its entirety
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2bBush
Joined on 03-07-2001
Beautiful, well-worth the property value, Hawthorne
16,405 Points
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SAHMs and fans of Dr. Laura
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AlisaS
Joined on 12-21-2004
78,775 Points
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I bristle when I hear mothers say they "have to" return to work: nobody "has to" return to work. If a household's livelihood depends on two incomes, how much of that income is then eaten by costly childcare? Whose 401K benefits or insurance plans are that good? What's the point?
You have my utmost respect for being a champion for moms, dads and kidlets everywhere and I'm proud to let you know that I'm one more mom who has joined the ranks of those who put their children's interests and their family's interests first.
First off, I find it pretty funny that you deem "Dr. Laura" to be a champion of anything besides blatant self-promotion.
Second, women work for a variety of reasons. Some because they feel they need to financially, and others because they simply want to. What's the point, you ask? A happy and fullfilled life and a happy family. Who are you to decide what is right or wrong or what will make a family work?
It is extremely offensive that you would assume that women who have careers are doing a disservice to their families. Or that if women work, they are putting their families second. If you couldn't make being a working mother work for you, then that is your issue, and it is your choice to SAH. Give me a break.
Thank God, all of us do not have to make the same choices in life.
You are simply one more mother who has decided to be a SAHM. Nothing more, nothing less, and nothing wrong with it. Be happy with your choice - no need to justify it by putting down mothers who enjoy different paths in life.
Get off your pedestal. |
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mariavicto...
Joined on 01-19-2005
Los Angeles, CA
8,214 Points
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I'm glad that being a SAHM was a wonderful choice for you. But, that is what it is - a choice.
In your letter, it implies that moms who work outside the home are not putting their "children's interests and their family's interests first." There are many reasons why parents work outside the home. It may be for career fulfillment or because they truly need the money.
I am the breadwinner of our household and, in this economy, my job has more stability than DH's. Does that make me a horrible mother who is not thinking about the wellbeing of my child? DH's income far outweighs the costs of daycare and working. Also, I know he would feel unfilfilled being a SAHD. It doesn't make him a bad father. In fact, he is a wonderful father who does alot for DS.
DS thrives in daycare. He has friends and he feels safe and happy. I'm blessed that we have a wonderful daycare.
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 Mommy to Jacob Taylor born on 05/12/2006 DS #2 EDD 04/19/2009 |
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Mindymo25
Joined on 11-11-2004
Pasadena
20,254 Points
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I can't believe you are actually serious! What a put down to all of the working families out there working their a$$'s off to provide for their families.
Not to mention the men and women that are working for self-fulfillment reasons. To say that you are putting your family first by staying home is a complete slap in the face to every person out there working for the above mentioned reasons.
As a working mom, who makes 50% of our income, the costs of day care don't come anywhere near what I make annualy so that has no bearing on my reasons for working. I like to work, enjoy helping others and, even though it is stressful sometimes, somehow mangage to balance it all out.
At the end of the day, it comes down to individual choice...and no one...no one should be put down for the decision they make.
I'm sure you were just sharing this as your opinion and that's cool, but you have to somewhat expect some people are not going to agree with you, right? |
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jesnbrent
Joined on 08-04-2005
SACRAMENTO, CA
1,983 Points
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I bristle when I hear mothers say they "have to" return to work: nobody "has to" return to work. If a household's livelihood depends on two incomes, how much of that income is then eaten by costly childcare? Whose 401K benefits or insurance plans are that good? What's the point?
Not even half of my income is eaten by childcare. It's not that my 401K is "that good," but I do want to retire some day and have money to live on (without putting that burden all on my husband, who wouldn't be contributing to a 401k if I didn't work too). And health insurance would cost my husband $700 a month to add our family.
I don't know about you, but that's a big point. I try really hard to not be mean on here, and I can't stand the people that are, but your letter is ignorant imo. And so is Dr. Laura. I guess I shouldn't have even opened this post. |
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LegalLover...
Joined on 07-24-2008
Pasadena, CA
3,614 Points
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I bristle when I hear mothers say they "have to" return to work: nobody "has to" return to work.
I'm sorry, but this statement is extremely offensive to millions of families in this country (not to mention the world) who need to have two incomes in order to have enough money to live. Are you suggesting that only a privileged number of couples who make over X amount of dollars should be allowed to procreate? Don't even get me started on single moms!
Previous posters have made excellent points about the benefits they and their families receive by having a two-income family, so I won't rehash. I don't have children of my own but my mom was an incredible working, professional woman who I look up to every day.
I fully support your decision to be a SAHM, and feel you should consider it a luxury and not snub other women who want or need to return to work after having children.
May I suggest another book in addition to Dr. Laura's? It's titled Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World by Linda Hirshman. Her point is this: the more women stay at home, the more the world will be run by men. Haven't we had enough of that already?
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lanie26
Joined on 06-19-2005
Canada
80,011 Points
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LOL. Its the first time I've seen anyone proud about being on Dr. Laura's website.
Good for you.
I think. When she sneezes a mouthful of banana at me and then giggles like mad, I feel pained that so many moms miss out on moments like that. I bristle when I hear mothers say they "have to" return to work: nobody "has to" return to work. If a household's livelihood depends on two incomes, how much of that income is then eaten by costly childcare? Whose 401K benefits or insurance plans are that good? What's the point?
You go on feeling badly for me, and I'll go on feeling juuuust great about my decision to work. WEE!
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kelbrian
Joined on 02-23-2007
Chicago, IL
53,205 Points
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But think of the children! If you don't stay home all day long and stare at your darling baby every nanosecond of the day while she licks walls and smashes banana up in her mouth, your child will be RUINED. You will go to the seventh circle of hell, where working mothers are sent to do penance for their terrible sin of wanting to have a job outside of their home. Losers, that's what we all are. Losers who don't love our children and want our 401k plans more than we want time with our babies!
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  EF Siggy Challenge - Bunny ears! "My husband does a lot of good for a lot of people while he's skulking around the city at night in spandex so I make the sacrifice and hold down the fort here. And don't you go assuming that he makes a lot of money. Because he doesn't... I'm just proud of his accomplishments. Which reminds me... LookLookLookLook! I MARRIED A SUPERHERO! HE COULD BEAT UP ALL YOUR HUSBANDS! THERE IS NO WAY I COULD POSSIBLY SUCK!" GoodtobetheLarkster |
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Heather R
Joined on 10-04-2007
hic et ubique
42,878 Points
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How about if you continue feeling your pain for me, and I'll similarly condescend to you by thinking you need to get a life? |
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femmeftle9
Joined on 03-26-2007
Northern Virginia
34,709 Points
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OMFG. Yeah, I'm a BAAAD mom because I want to work & show my daughter that you can seek an education AND USE IT. I want to show my daughter that she can make her own money and not feel obligated to rely on a man for her worth.
Heaven forbid, it is MY job that provides the health, dental & vision insurance for my family... my husband's plan doesn't cover nearly that. Don't get me started on all the other benefits my workplace provides for me.
And yes, my income contributes to a good standard of living. We reside in a HCOL area, but there's no way we'd move... this is a great area for many reasons. I love the neighborhood we live in - it's very well planned out, very family oriented with many activities for the children.
Oh & (gasp!) my child loves going to daycare & playing with other children on a regular basis. I DO see how the interaction has affected her personality... in a positive way.
At the end of the day, the decision to SAH is YOUR decision. It might be right for you, but it's not for all of us. So you can stop bashing those of us who work. |
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Sending a kiss out to the strapping Irish lads!   |
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Bella427
Joined on 04-04-2007
4,938 Points
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I'm glad you are doing what works well for your family. A year ago I went back to work after maternity leave, at times missing my daughter very much (and still do). But, I'm so glad I stuck it out because my husband was recently laid off and without my income, we would literally have no health insurance and losing our home. I'm quite happy with my decision. In the event of a divorce, a death, a lay off, a disability, etc. we have a Plan B. And that works well for me. |
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MissMarina...
Joined on 03-15-2005
Pasadena
29,993 Points
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IMO staying at home does not mean that you are a better mom than those that work. Every person has to do what works the best for them. It is not fair to judge or insult others for their decisions. I do feel that this post was a stab at the working mom saying that we are not as good as a SAHM. The old saying goes, it is not the amount of time that you spend with your child, but the qualtiy of the time that matters most. |
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My little guy is 2 now!  |
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Mia&Dan
Joined on 10-11-2003
San Fernando Valley, CA
73,086 Points
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I'm offended. I'm a working mother & wife. I get sneezed on with bananas, I watch my girls thrive and develop, I make time for my husband ... but apparently I don't put them FIRST. |
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abpdjs
Joined on 06-03-2008
Ohio
31,539 Points
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 kelbrian:
But think of the children! If you don't stay home all day long and stare at your darling baby every nanosecond of the day while she licks walls and smashes banana up in her mouth, your child will be RUINED. You will go to the seventh circle of hell, where working mothers are sent to do penance for their terrible sin of wanting to have a job outside of their home. Losers, that's what we all are. Losers who don't love our children and want our 401k plans more than we want time with our babies!
LMAO! |
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