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What's more important?
Here's a little background. And I'm sorry if this is a little long. Where we live has always been an issue. I'm from Ohio. DH is from Indiana. My entire family is in one spot. And since I"ve lived here-5 years now, I don't get to see them as much as I would like. We are getting older and are wanting to finally settle down somewhere. Our options are limited to the state of Indiana because DH is going to be a state trooper. Here are our main options:
1. Stay where we're at now. Living an hour away from his parents and all of our friends, in a town that we kind of like because it has more career opportunity for me but that's about all we like about it. My family lives 6 hours away.
2. Living in the same town as his parents and all of our friends-we love it there, feel very comfortable there. Not as many good job opportunities for me. My family is now about 6 and a half-7 hours away-unless you drive as fast as I do.
3. Living in between. A nice town, with good job opportunities and affordable housing. Only 3 hours from my family, which would mean that I get to see them more than a couple times a year. About 3 hours from his parents and our friends. Drawbacks-while we're in a good position to visit my family and have them visit us more regularly, there are 365 days in the year, and most of them, we will be all alone in this new place. We'll have a house, but it won't matter because none of our friends are driving 3 hours for a BBQ. See what I'm saying?
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone-but I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the best option is. I don't know if I can live the rest of my life only seeing my family a handful of times a year, which I imagine is how it will be with options 1 and 2. But I also don't want to lose the relationships we have with our friends and give up living in a city we really enjoy. This is so confusing. How do people do it? How do people move all the way across the country from their families and be okay with it? I live 6 hours from mine and I haven't been okay with it since day 1. Anyone have any suggestions?
Re: What's more important?
There is no "right" answer here- it definitely is a individual preference situation. Aside from our local friends- we don't have any family closer than 1 hour from us. And that's extended family- our parents are no closer than 3 hours away. But I've also had that kind of seperation for some time, so I'm very used to it.
From reading your choices- you sound most comfortable and most positive with #2. #3 sounds like a good compromise, but you don't think your friends will drive 3 hours to visit. My best friend lives 3 hours away and we go up there at least 2 times a year and she comes here several times. Good friends WILL make the trip. You didn't mention the job situation in #3 and that sounds important to you.
But you might consider the long term goals you and your DH have- will you have the same friends? will either of your parents retire/move from where they are? Will both of you stay in the same types of careers forever? If you plan to have kids, do you feel comfortable/uncomfortable with any of those selections (#1-3)?
Hope you can make the right decision- it is definitely not an easy one. Good Luck!
Without getting too detailed - I have always found that being close to family is my highest priority. I always drove home to see them when I was 2 hours away at college. And as soon as we got married, we made the decision that family is way too important to just see on the holidays. So now that we are finally moving up there, I can barely wait. I doubt that we will ever move somewhere that we don't have immediate family right around the corner!
I would pick #2, you are close to his family. You can make the 6 hour drive about once a month to see your family. Hubby can work on his law enforcement career. And you will find a job that you really like, its just a matter of time. Jobs come and go anyway, but family is there for you when times get tough.
ok, so that was more detailed than I anticipated, sorry!
For you, I think option 2 might be best. You may have to compromise on your job options, but it sounds like you'd be happier there. Also, though, keep in mind that if you move to a brand new town you can always meet new friends. How often does your family come to where you are? If you trade visits it wouldn't have to be too long between visits. Both parties need to make the effort.
We moved 900 miles from our friends and family. It was nerve racking for DH to leave his family and friends, but I was ok with it. I won't say I'm not close to my family... but I just don't have the need or desire to live right by them and see them all the time. I'm ok with a handful of visits a year (the time flies and I hardly notice). It's been hard on DH's family and they beg us to move back every time we see them. We are so happy where we live... we have found a church we love and made a new set of friends so we aren't lonely (we knew no one when we moved here). We do miss our friends, and there are plenty of times I was there to watch my best friend's kids grow up and push a baby stroller with our other friends when we all have kids... but we are happy here and I'm not ready to give that up.
It's never an easy decision but make a pro/con list of each option, discuss with DH, get input from friends and family and the right decision will come about
I grew up five minutes away from most of my family-my DH didn't. He doesn't have the kind of close-ness with his extended family that I have with mine. I think that's why it's harder to make him understand it. At least with option 2, we would have his parents (whom I love) and we have our friends. And like you guys said, really nothing changes with the distance to my family.
They do make trips here sometimes-definitely NOT as often as they should. I think they feel it's easier for us to come there (which really-it's not) because we stay with my parents and stuff and when they come here they have to get a hotel and all that. Well, as soon as we have a house, we'll also have a guest bedroom-and guess what? People are coming to see me for a change!
It's not that I'm some big baby who can't be away from my family-I've been doing it for 5 years. It's just that, I wish I could call up my sister whenever I want and say, "hey-you wanna go to the mall" or meet my mom for lunch once a week...things like that. And I'm super close with my grandparents-one of whom isn't doing so well. Things like that are really hard because I'm not there. The year we got married, I went home to get stuff ready for the wedding like once a month. That year, I didn't feel bad at all. I felt like I saw them all the time. The following year-I went home TWICE. That's it. That's all I had time for. That sucked. I guess that me and my family have to start making more of an effort-equally. Thanks again you guys. Everything you're saying really helps and I really appreciate it! 