Same-Sex Households
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

How and When?

As I said in a previous post, we have our appt to meet with the fertility doctor in 2 1/2 weeks. This will be a consultation only, no treatments yet. We aren't sure exactly when we will start the insemination process, there is still testing to do and we have to find the right donor.

I know I have to talk to my bosses before we start in order to let them know that I will be taking 1-2 days off per month and that those days cannot be determined ahead of time but that I can give them a general timeframe.

The problem is that management here is so quick to fire someone for any little thing they do. I cannot help #1 that I am gay and #2 that I need help getting pregnant.  The owners of the company are Mormon and DO NOT agree with my "lifestyle" hence my worrying about how and when to tell them.  I am out at work, my supervisor and immediate boss and I talk about my wife often but they are still quick to fire even in medical situations.


How and when do I discuss this with them?

Re: How and When?

  • are there enough people to be covered for FMLA?  If so, you can use it to cover yourself for medical appts (not just prolonged absences.)

    If you  haven't had issues getting pregnant, have you thought about trying at home (ICIs) for a few months to alleviate having to make several visits to the doc?


    Good luck!

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • Does the FMLA cover doctors visits for fertility treatments?  We've considered doing the at home treatments but we want to best success rate.
  • I don't think you have to tell them at all.  Here's why:

    First, if you do inseminate at the doctor's office, you should only need to go once a month (unless you would like to insem more than once per cycle to increase your odds - something to talk with doc about).

    Second, if the doctor's office isn't super duper far away from your work, you should be able to just leave early or come in late when you have an insem.  You could use the excuse of an emergency at home, or your car not starting, etc, etc.

    And finally, your insems may end up falling on a weekend some of the time, so you won't need time off at all!

    I would consider all of these factors.  With the possibility of weekend ovulation and early/late day appointments, you might not have to miss much work at all, and they'll be none the wiser.  If it gets to the point when you are missing a lot - you could disclose whatever you feel comfortable with, maybe saying that you are having some health issues, nothing serious, that require some doctors appointments to take care of.  I'm of the belief that ttc is none of your employers business.

    Also as 2brides said, you could try inseminating at home (those books I recommended tell you all about that) and not have to worry about work at all.

    Mrs._F
    sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • ditto Mrs F, I have not and will not be telling my employer about TTC plans.

  • We didn't tell either and I missed a LOT of work - our RE was far away and I had a lot of monitoring in addition to 2 insems per month.)  When I finally told my supervisor that I was pregnant, she said, "OH! That explains a lot!  I thought that you were really sick!") But I was/am fortunate to have a supervisor who was really laid back and just happy if I got my work done. :)
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • agreed....we have not told and have done a total of 4 tries at home (over 2 cycles).  it might be different for clinic IUIs, but still...I would say keep it on the DL as long as you can. 
  • I agree with what everyone has said and just want to reiterate that even if you can/choose to tell them you will be late/leave early for a doctor's appointment you do not have to tell your supervisor the reason for the visit.

    You may also want to look up employment laws in your state to see what your rights are both while you're ttc and once you're pregant.

    I hope that it won't be a problem for you and your employer. Good luck!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Ditto all others. If you have the time there is NO reason you must tell supervisor why you are taking off.  Due to DOMA, fertility for us does not count, unless you are the one being inseminated....I think.  I have to take an hr off on Friday for my first CD3 appt...I just told my boss I have a dr's appt and that I would be in by 10am.  There really is no reason you have to take the full day off.  Hopefully you can get morning appts and then this won't even be a worry.  GL! (Good Luck!)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards