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Have You Ever.....
felt very defeated by your marriage? I know this is the worst time to be posting this as we are all celebrating 2 years this month (I am celebrating 2 years tomorrow). But mh has changed. He is not the person I married. I fully recognize that people change. I know I have and I know I have grown as a person. But, I don't even recognize him. Can't believe some of the things that come out of his mouth lately. He is not excited at all to be having 2 healthy girls. At all. It breaks my heart. I can't share this with family and friends and I've been keeping it bottled up inside but it's becoming too much. And I've had thoughts that just randomly pop into my head like if I ever need to I know I can raise them on my own. He will not consider counseling, for himself or couples counseling. He feels it is for crazy people.
There's not point to this at all. I don't need replies. I just needed to really get it off my chest.
Re: Have You Ever.....
You don't need replies, but I'm giving you one. Yes, I felt like this with my XH (there was more than JUST this; I put up with it until I began fearing for my own safety, which was the push that made me get out.)
I have felt defeated in my current marriage. However, I felt there was hope - and I talked to some friends who reassured me that it wasn't blind, naive hope. THAT is why I've stayed in this marriage vs my last marriage. And things HAVE gotten better. There's hope with Greg. There was no hope with my XH.
I hope you have my email and understand you can use it at any point you need to talk, Kristi. I'm so sorry you're facing this right now. I know how painful it is right around anniversary time, and being pregnant with twins (which you're very excited about)... my heart breaks for you.
Like everyone else, I want to give you a big hug right now. Counseling definitely isn't for crazy people - it's for people who need a little extra help communicating and working through things. ?I wish YH understood that.
I really don't know what to tell you. ?I don't know how to help you. ?I've had moments where I've felt defeated, but it's never been for more than a moment or two. ?I wish that YH would get excited about the babies and be more supportive to you - because YOU need the support. ?Do you think once the babies are born he might have a change of heart? ?I know that some people say there is nothing like seeing your child. ?
A friend who was having marriage problems told me about a book recently. ?I'll see if I can find it. ?She and her husband have been using it and working through things and it's really helped. ?I think it was called The Love Dare or something. ?It's a christian based book but it "dares" you to do certain things - like one day to take extra care not to say anything negative to your spouse and another day to do something out of the ordinary for your spouse...She swears by it. ?I've thought of buying it for us because it's for all couples, not just those who are having troubles.
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Dare-Stephen-Kendrick/dp/0805448853/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242665689&sr=8-1?
This can also be seen in the movie Fireproof.
I just want to send you big hugs and let you know you can email me anytime if you need to talk.
I'm sorry that I don't have much else to give to this convo. but I wanted to give you ::Big Hugs:: and let you know that we are all here for you when you need to talk.
I understand not being able to talk to your IRL friends and family but know we are here for you whenever you need to talk! I wish I was closer so we could chat and I could give you a huge hug!
I wish your hubby would understand that counseling is not for crazy people and that it does help. I go for myself and mh has gone when we've had our own problems.
I have felt defeated in our marriage. We have gone through our own problems. I have thought to myself "if anything happens I'm taking the dog". I wish I hadn't had those thoughts but sometimes everything get to even the best of us! I hope for your sake your hubby will take one look at those little girls and get his head out of his a$$ and that everything will be okay. I am so very sorry you are going through this at this very special time in your life.
Thank-you all very much for your support and kind words. It really does help knowing that people are behind you. I've been of the mindset for a while that I am going to wait and see what happens after they are born. No rash decisions. Just taking it step by step. And in the meantime, I am doing everything I can to enjoy being pg.
And Crystal, if something were to happen, you're damn right I'm taking Louie!!!!